07-24-2010, 12:37 AM
Overall, it was nicely written, but some places it seemed like you tried a little too hard to rhyme, and just kind of "shallowed" it out.
The "despair/hair" rhyme just threw me off, they just don't seem to flow well with the theme of the stanza. Maybe it's just a personal thing to me, I don't know. That's just one example.
The "despair/hair" rhyme just threw me off, they just don't seem to flow well with the theme of the stanza. Maybe it's just a personal thing to me, I don't know. That's just one example.