08-31-2011, 04:15 PM
So, this is my first attempt at poetry, since I am new and likely haven't done that good of a job on it, I'd like some feedback on this piece that. I don't care if you think it sucks, just try and make some constructive criticism on it so I can improve.
Let me start of first by saying the theme beyond this poem is a war that was fought for 1000 years and finally lost, starting a new life in the end for future generations.
--
1000 Year War
Acceptance of darkness
The heart and soul of one man's son
The 1000 year struggle is over
The people have won
It starts again
Sacrifice of blood and tears
Eyes against nothing
Everyone's overwhelming fears
Battlefield covered in blood
Blinded by the night
Vanish forever
Into the infinite light
Eyes of the heavens watch over
Hand of the almighty sun
The old era is over
A new has begun
--
So am I on the right path on writing poetry or is my approach totally off?
Let me start of first by saying the theme beyond this poem is a war that was fought for 1000 years and finally lost, starting a new life in the end for future generations.
--
1000 Year War
Acceptance of darkness
The heart and soul of one man's son
The 1000 year struggle is over
The people have won
It starts again
Sacrifice of blood and tears
Eyes against nothing
Everyone's overwhelming fears
Battlefield covered in blood
Blinded by the night
Vanish forever
Into the infinite light
Eyes of the heavens watch over
Hand of the almighty sun
The old era is over
A new has begun
--
So am I on the right path on writing poetry or is my approach totally off?
"Don't treat life as a losing battle, but as an ongoing challenge."