08-01-2012, 03:38 AM
Hello y'all...
i would like to write some about my situation because i feel pretty crap about it and have no idea what to do- or what's really going on.
I'm jobless since years and i despise myself because of it. Yet every day i think, what sort of work would i want to/have to do and then i don't know. At night i lay pondering about it and all the ideas i come up with, have disappeared by morning. Then another empty, useless day lies ahead.
I am alone and have no one to talk to, have no friends either. Inside it all seems empty- in my head, in my body- i can't think clear- only confused thoughts which change all the time- and i also have no feelings- but a constant pain somewhere down in the abdomen.
My memory isn't working properly and neither is my concentration .
I have forgotten who i am since a long time, too.
I don't understand what this is and i don't really know what to do about it. I feel estranged from myself and from the rest of the world, as if i am less than the lowest, a nothing.
I do know, that i have some things to solve, namely a debit of a few thousand . Also i need to move house, because i live in a neighbourhood where i'm being picked on badly.
So far i earn a lttle bit to the side doing household work, and i feel really bad about that days in advance every time, as if i'm a little kid which is sent to a horrible school or something..
I feel so small and weak and i lock myself up in my house, where i feel uncomfortable and unwanted. Then i get so despressed i can't see the point of living anymore.
Sometimes i think this feeling of helplessness and nonexistence stems from fear.
I would like to get away from this place, far away..
I know i need to break the cycle . I must go out make some money and although i don't know if it's the best idea, i would like to have a job working on the land , or with animals, or in nature. I would like to make new friends, too.
Perhaps someone knows of a place where i can find work.
I think that would help a lot!!
This i have learnt: we can't do without any friends or support!
Thanks, love to all.
i would like to write some about my situation because i feel pretty crap about it and have no idea what to do- or what's really going on.
I'm jobless since years and i despise myself because of it. Yet every day i think, what sort of work would i want to/have to do and then i don't know. At night i lay pondering about it and all the ideas i come up with, have disappeared by morning. Then another empty, useless day lies ahead.
I am alone and have no one to talk to, have no friends either. Inside it all seems empty- in my head, in my body- i can't think clear- only confused thoughts which change all the time- and i also have no feelings- but a constant pain somewhere down in the abdomen.
My memory isn't working properly and neither is my concentration .
I have forgotten who i am since a long time, too.
I don't understand what this is and i don't really know what to do about it. I feel estranged from myself and from the rest of the world, as if i am less than the lowest, a nothing.
I do know, that i have some things to solve, namely a debit of a few thousand . Also i need to move house, because i live in a neighbourhood where i'm being picked on badly.
So far i earn a lttle bit to the side doing household work, and i feel really bad about that days in advance every time, as if i'm a little kid which is sent to a horrible school or something..
I feel so small and weak and i lock myself up in my house, where i feel uncomfortable and unwanted. Then i get so despressed i can't see the point of living anymore.
Sometimes i think this feeling of helplessness and nonexistence stems from fear.
I would like to get away from this place, far away..
I know i need to break the cycle . I must go out make some money and although i don't know if it's the best idea, i would like to have a job working on the land , or with animals, or in nature. I would like to make new friends, too.
Perhaps someone knows of a place where i can find work.
I think that would help a lot!!
This i have learnt: we can't do without any friends or support!
Thanks, love to all.