09-02-2013, 05:19 PM
I've been struggling with a few things over the past couple of years. Some of which I'm too ashamed to even mention. In fact, I felt even talking to people about my struggles would result in me being detained. To be clear, I never came close to hurting anyone. Because I could not talk to anyone I kept a journal on a SD Card. I kept the SD Card in a zipped pocket in my wallet. Over a span of two weeks or so I had failed to zip the pocket and it fell out.
For quite a while I was afraid it would be discovered. Granted, my fear was due to paranoia. I had the content of the card heavily encrypted with a long, random password. In addition, I talked to a waitress at a restaurant who claimed to have thrown one away on a day that I was there to order take out. She had never seen one until I showed her what one looked like. The probability that this card has been disposed of and that the data is corrupt is incredibly high, and even if it weren't the encryption/password that I used was incredibly strong. Anyone who may have picked it up wouldn't know what to do with it.
What's bothering me is that when I dropped it I realized that the things that I had revealed on the card would greatly embarrass and hurt people that I care about. That thought in and of itself initiated a much needed change in my life. Things have actually been a lot better since I have endured the shock of potentially ruining my family.
I guess what's bothering me now is that I feel my family is built on a foundation of lies. I honestly feel that I needed to go through this or I would have always been a dark, dark person. For the first time, I feel like I have nothing to hide. I'm just still having trouble shaking the idea that my family deserves a lot better.
If anyone (especially married people) have any advice to offer it would be greatly appreciated.
For quite a while I was afraid it would be discovered. Granted, my fear was due to paranoia. I had the content of the card heavily encrypted with a long, random password. In addition, I talked to a waitress at a restaurant who claimed to have thrown one away on a day that I was there to order take out. She had never seen one until I showed her what one looked like. The probability that this card has been disposed of and that the data is corrupt is incredibly high, and even if it weren't the encryption/password that I used was incredibly strong. Anyone who may have picked it up wouldn't know what to do with it.
What's bothering me is that when I dropped it I realized that the things that I had revealed on the card would greatly embarrass and hurt people that I care about. That thought in and of itself initiated a much needed change in my life. Things have actually been a lot better since I have endured the shock of potentially ruining my family.
I guess what's bothering me now is that I feel my family is built on a foundation of lies. I honestly feel that I needed to go through this or I would have always been a dark, dark person. For the first time, I feel like I have nothing to hide. I'm just still having trouble shaking the idea that my family deserves a lot better.
If anyone (especially married people) have any advice to offer it would be greatly appreciated.