01-24-2012, 07:17 AM
(01-24-2012, 06:57 AM)BlackChaos Wrote: Well, Smurof Troppus seems like a great place to have fun.
The story was quite well written and the concept was good as well. It had me until the last couple paragraphs where you seemed to be rushing towards the end. That was a bit annoying.
I honestly thought I was dragging it on to long, and if I carried it on people may not read it. That's why it finished where it did.
btw (Click to View)
(01-24-2012, 06:57 AM)BlackChaos Wrote: Stories like this where you would want the reader to be threaded along until the finale would generally have to run slowly and steadily. Also, there were points where you seemed to clump together to many parts of a sentence. Although its supposed to be in First Person and someone may in fact talk/think like that, it doesn't do well for the reader. Just adds even more to the "rushing" effect.
Seriousness aside, I really had a nice laugh at the end.
So did the ending come as a shock to you?
