There's this girl I have been talking to for a couple years. We hooked up a few times. I was so sure she was the one. She means so much to me. Lately, the past few days I've been bawling my eyes out. I'm going through so much lately and I can't deal with it. She has a new boyfriend. She replaced me in four days. She says she loves me but she doesn't want to be with me for a while. All I can do is wait for her. I can't. The only thing I can do is be with her, or never see her again. That's the only way she will be off of my mind, I'm so in love with her. She's sticking with him.
Why do I have to just leave her? I'm not a jerk, it's just how it has to be with what's going on. My mothers one year is coming up of being dead, she's been on my mind constantly. I've been learning about my father lately that abandoned me when I was 5. Heard he's been trying to commit suicide-- that was 3 years ago. Haven't heard or seen from him since I was 5. I'm almost 18 now. No idea if he's dead or alive, we've had searches for him and we can't find him. Everybody on my fathers side has schizophrenia. I've noticed I've been going through the symptoms lately. I can't handle any emotions at all. I'm diagnosed with dysthymia-- depression for a very long time. I have a competition coming up next week for Nationals in BPA in Computer Security. I'm a badass in it. I'll place high, I know a ton. I've been studying and concentrating on it. My grades have all dropped to straight F's. I've managed to bring them up, I'm only failing 2 classes right now.
Everything seems to just be falling apart, my mind is going crazy. I haven't done anything at all in school the past two days. I try but I just can't pay attention. My mind is absolutely cluttered to the point I don't care anymore. I have a scholarship and if I get ONE F I lose it. School ends in 4 weeks. I've also been offered an internship in Columbus Ohio for Computer Security, which is 4 hours away. I'd have to move there in the summer by myself and live alone and do everything alone if I want that. It would be life changing, because I don't have a job now and it's a great opportunity for me.
I'm completely lost. I don't have the worst life, but it's definitely in the crapper now. I've had suicidal thoughts, but I'm better then that. I have way too much ahead of me. My computer skills excel too much, I'd be able to make a huge impact in this world. I just don't want to be alone. That's my greatest fear. I need somebody. I've been fine for a couple months but I have realized I need a special girl in my life. As I walk through the halls in school, I can barely see anybody that I could see myself actually being with. It's so difficult. I don't know what to do. I can't afford a therapist or any medication. I'm just begging for help.
Why do I have to just leave her? I'm not a jerk, it's just how it has to be with what's going on. My mothers one year is coming up of being dead, she's been on my mind constantly. I've been learning about my father lately that abandoned me when I was 5. Heard he's been trying to commit suicide-- that was 3 years ago. Haven't heard or seen from him since I was 5. I'm almost 18 now. No idea if he's dead or alive, we've had searches for him and we can't find him. Everybody on my fathers side has schizophrenia. I've noticed I've been going through the symptoms lately. I can't handle any emotions at all. I'm diagnosed with dysthymia-- depression for a very long time. I have a competition coming up next week for Nationals in BPA in Computer Security. I'm a badass in it. I'll place high, I know a ton. I've been studying and concentrating on it. My grades have all dropped to straight F's. I've managed to bring them up, I'm only failing 2 classes right now.
Everything seems to just be falling apart, my mind is going crazy. I haven't done anything at all in school the past two days. I try but I just can't pay attention. My mind is absolutely cluttered to the point I don't care anymore. I have a scholarship and if I get ONE F I lose it. School ends in 4 weeks. I've also been offered an internship in Columbus Ohio for Computer Security, which is 4 hours away. I'd have to move there in the summer by myself and live alone and do everything alone if I want that. It would be life changing, because I don't have a job now and it's a great opportunity for me.
I'm completely lost. I don't have the worst life, but it's definitely in the crapper now. I've had suicidal thoughts, but I'm better then that. I have way too much ahead of me. My computer skills excel too much, I'd be able to make a huge impact in this world. I just don't want to be alone. That's my greatest fear. I need somebody. I've been fine for a couple months but I have realized I need a special girl in my life. As I walk through the halls in school, I can barely see anybody that I could see myself actually being with. It's so difficult. I don't know what to do. I can't afford a therapist or any medication. I'm just begging for help.
But really, stay strong. Here we say "There's a bunch of other fish swimming around". In other words, you'll find the one eventually! Good luck to you (: As I understand you'd be a great boyfriend so everything will be alright eventually.
![[Image: Pontoe.jpg]](http://nicknameregister.com/files/2012/5/2/Pontoe.jpg)