Depressed...

[blm95]

I posted this on HF a few months ago...

"Okay, so the first thing that I'd like to ask for is people not to troll... Yeah, I know I'm complaining, yeah i'm a pussy, I don't really care to be honest. I just needed to get this out somewhere I guess...

So I have been 'depressed' I guess you could say the past few months... In the past ~4 months, 3 close family members have died and... idk... life just isn't the same... I'm 16 and have never experienced any losses prior to these. First off, it started when my grandfather was diagnosed with Leukemia back in '06. I never really worried about it, because it hadn't spread and was controlled easily. About 6 months ago, he developed pneumonia. Because he already had a low blood cell count, the pneumonia made it worse. He began developing new infections quite quickly and was diagnosed with acute leukemia and MDS about 2 months ago. Everything went really downhill from then on and he fell into a coma and had cardiac arrest. He passed on 2/14. My aunt was a heavy smoker for all of her life and eventually got lung cancer about 5 months ago and died 3 months ago. My dad was diagnosed with testicular cancer about 8 months ago. Testicular cancer has a pretty high rate of survival and everything looked good and it seemed like he would be fine once it was removed. It was originally believed to be non-malignant. However, it actually turned out to be malignant and spread to other parts of his body before it was removed and he passed away on 1/26...

I wasn't very close to my aunt, but I was very close to my grandfather and father. My grandfather lived with me all of my life. My mother and father were divorced, but I spent every summer with my father.

Life without the people you love just doesn't seem right... I just feel...empty... What is the point of life if we are all going to die eventually? I have attempted suicide twice, but am too much of a pussy to actually go through with it... I've tried about everything there is, but nothing helps me... Nothing can really fill the void I guess. It's just been really hard on me the past few months... My GPA has dropped from a 4.26 to a 3.71, I have quit football, basketball, and track, and have nearly no motivation in life... I have tried talking two friends and a teacher, but they seem to ignore me and don't really care all that much. I really don't know what to do or where to go...

Sorry for wasting your time, I just had these emotions kind of built up and wanted to get a little bit out of me... I'm honestly balling my eyes out while writing this...Yeah, call me a fa**ot or a pussy, whatever, I already know that I am... But honestly, if you haven't really experienced it, you don't know what it's like... Yeah, I know there are much more serious problems in the world, but I just wanted to release some of my own emotions... Thanks for reading my useless and stupid post written by a useless and stupid pussy who doesn't deserve to live and should go kill himself..."

It's been a few months since that time. I started to get better after I talked with my guidance counselor a little bit about everything that happened. A few teachers heard about it and felt kinda bad for me and cut a little bit of slack. However, the past few weeks, it's gotten worse... I have been fighting with my mom about basically everything, mainly school. I was tested and am positive for mono. I barely have any energy. I'm doing extremely poorly in school (4.1 to 3.2), I hate everybody, I don't want to go to school or do anything whatsoever. I'm so sick of it. I honestly think I might go through with it this time. I can't handle it any longer. Why live a life that you hate? It's pointless. Life is pointless. Half my family is dead, I'm doing awful in school, I can't stop sleeping, nobody gives two shits about my life, I hate everybody that I thought I was close to. I think it's over for me. 16 shitty years has been enough for me; I'm through with all this bullshit. You don't have to respond, I just needed to get this out... Not sure if anyone can help at this point, I have pretty much made up my mind...

[Crystal]

See, I have always believed that suicide is never an option for anyone... Its just that god is testing you, you need to stand up and face life... Dont loose it all up.. You need to be strong and face this.. think that if you father or grandfather were alive, what would they think of you? Both of them would be ashamed... Face life, do well in life and make both of them happy.. They will always be by your side seeing you but you cant see them..

I wish you luck and advise you to be strong enough and face the situation and get over it.. I know its not soo easy but if you try I am positive you will get over it..

Have a look at this thread, it might help you : http://www.supportforums.net/showthread.php?tid=13611

[blm95]

I've been fighting my entire life. I didn't include a few things such as the bullying that I receive. But if this is some kind of a 'challenge' by God, then I accept defeat. If this really is religion, then God can burn in hell. I see no end in the near future and don't want to deal with any more of this...

As for that other thread: I have read and attempted to do all of the solutions with no long lasting benefits from any of them.

[TalishHF]

Your not a pussy dude, infact compared to myself you are a hero. I'm your age and I've never lost anyone close to me. I've just broke up with my girlfriend that I've been with for almost 2 years, I've felt like commiting suicide and things and I've cried my eyes out but compared to you I don't know how you cope. But you've got to try and stay positive, I'm saying this yet I can't but I will be able to eventually. I can't even begin to imagine what your going through but I need a friend and if you ever wanna talk to me please feel free to send me a message.

Keep your head up bro.