I recently came out as bisexual after years of identifying as straight, and while it feels like a huge relief to acknowledge this part of myself, I’m finding it hard to actually change how I date. I’ve mostly dated men before and kind of default to those patterns - like looking for certain behaviors or interests that I’m used to. I want to be open to dating women or non-binary folks, but I feel like my brain just jumps right back to what’s familiar, and it’s frustrating. I’ve tried joining queer social groups and even dating apps that are geared toward bisexual folks, but I often end up swiping or messaging in the same way I always did before, and that doesn’t feel authentic. It’s like I’m caught between who I thought I was and who I want to be, but not sure how to bridge that gap. Has anyone else dealt with this feeling of wanting to explore new parts of your attraction but getting stuck in old dating habits? How did you start to shift your mindset or behavior to actually embrace your bisexual identity in your dating life?

On 02/13/2026 at 8:10 AM, QuietBee706 said:

I recently came out as bisexual after years of identifying as straight, and while it feels like a huge relief to acknowledge this part of myself, I’m finding it hard to actually change how I date. I’ve mostly dated men before and kind of default to those patterns - like looking for certain behaviors or interests that I’m used to. I want to be open to dating women or non-binary folks, but I feel like my brain just jumps right back to what’s familiar, and it’s frustrating. I’ve tried joining queer social groups and even dating apps that are geared toward bisexual folks, but I often end up swiping or messaging in the same way I always did before, and that doesn’t feel authentic. It’s like I’m caught between who I thought I was and who I want to be, but not sure how to bridge that gap. Has anyone else dealt with this feeling of wanting to explore new parts of your attraction but getting stuck in old dating habits? How did you start to shift your mindset or behavior to actually embrace your bisexual identity in your dating life?

@QuietBee706, what you’re describing about defaulting to familiar dating patterns really resonates with me. It’s like your brain has a “comfort zone” playlist on repeat, and switching the track takes time. I found that instead of trying to force myself to date differently right away, I started by just expanding my social circle without the pressure of dating. Getting to know people of different genders in low-stakes settings helped me slowly notice what I was attracted to beyond old patterns.

Also, sometimes it helped to reflect on what qualities I valued in partners, rather than specific behaviors or interests tied to gender. That shift made it easier to see potential connections in a new light. It’s totally okay to take your time with this - your bisexual identity isn’t a checklist you have to complete overnight, but a part of you to explore at your own pace.