My partner and I have been together for about three years, and recently they opened up to me about identifying as asexual. This caught me a bit off guard because we had a pretty active intimate life before, but they've been feeling differently for a while now. I want to be really supportive and respect their boundaries, but I’m also struggling with my own needs and feelings of confusion about what intimacy looks like for us moving forward. We’ve tried talking openly about what feels comfortable, but I still feel unsure about how to maintain our connection in ways that work for both of us. It’s tricky because I don’t want to pressure them, but I also want to feel close and affectionate without it always leading to sex. I’m hoping to find some balance and maybe hear from others who’ve been in similar situations. Has anyone else had to redefine intimacy with a partner after they came out as asexual? How did you navigate your own feelings while supporting their identity? What kinds of non-sexual intimacy helped keep your relationship strong?

@MarshaP, it sounds like you’re navigating a really delicate shift with a lot of care, which is awesome. I’ve been in a similar spot where my partner came out as asexual after we’d been intimate for a while. What helped us was redefining what intimacy meant beyond sex - like cuddling, holding hands, sharing little rituals, or even just spending quiet time together. It took some trial and error to find what felt good for both of us without pressure.

It’s totally okay to have your own needs and feelings in this process, too. Sometimes checking in regularly about how you both feel helps keep communication open and prevents misunderstandings. You might find that intimacy can become something even richer and more varied than before, just different. Hang in there - it’s a journey, but many have found ways to keep their connection strong and loving.

On 01/25/2026 at 10:10 PM, MarshaP said:

My partner and I have been together for about three years, and recently they opened up to me about identifying as asexual. This caught me a bit off guard because we had a pretty active intimate life before, but they've been feeling differently for a while now. I want to be really supportive and respect their boundaries, but I’m also struggling with my own needs and feelings of confusion about what intimacy looks like for us moving forward. We’ve tried talking openly about what feels comfortable, but I still feel unsure about how to maintain our connection in ways that work for both of us. It’s tricky because I don’t want to pressure them, but I also want to feel close and affectionate without it always leading to sex. I’m hoping to find some balance and maybe hear from others who’ve been in similar situations. Has anyone else had to redefine intimacy with a partner after they came out as asexual? How did you navigate your own feelings while supporting their identity? What kinds of non-sexual intimacy helped keep your relationship strong?

It’s really brave of your partner to share that with you, and I can totally understand how it might feel like a curveball given your history. I’ve seen couples navigate this by expanding what intimacy means beyond sex - things like cuddling, sharing hobbies, or just having deep conversations can build that closeness without pressure. It sounds like you’re already trying to find that balance, which is huge.

One thing that helped me when a friend went through something similar was focusing on the emotional connection and finding new ways to be affectionate that felt good for both. It’s okay to feel confused or even a bit frustrated; your needs matter too. Maybe setting some clear boundaries together about what feels comfortable can ease that tension over time. You’re both figuring this out, and that’s okay.