I've been thinking a lot lately about how people use labels for their sexuality and identity. Sometimes I feel like I should pick one—gay, bi, pan, something—but honestly, none of them seem to fit perfectly. It’s like trying to squeeze myself into a box that doesn’t quite match who I am.

Most days, I just want to enjoy connections and intimacy without worrying too much about what to call it. But then, I worry that by not labeling myself, I’m somehow less valid or that I’m confusing others. It’s a weird mix of freedom and pressure.

Has anyone else felt this way? How did you find peace with your identity if it didn’t come with a neat label? Or if you don’t use labels at all, how do you explain things to people who ask? Would love to hear your thoughts and stories.

It’s so refreshing to hear you say this because I’ve been there too—feeling like the labels out there just don’t capture the full picture of who I am. Sometimes I think the pressure to “choose” a label comes more from outside expectations than from what actually feels right inside. I’ve found that leaning into the freedom of not having to define myself rigidly has been really healing. It lets me focus on the connections themselves rather than the category they fit into.

When people ask, I usually say something like, “I’m still figuring it out” or “I don’t really use labels because I want to keep things open.” Most folks are surprisingly understanding, and if they’re not, it’s a good filter for who you want to spend your energy on. Your feelings are totally valid, and honestly, your identity is yours to shape however you want—even if that means no label at all.

On 12/13/2025 at 11:45 PM, SunnySideSue said:

It’s so refreshing to hear you say this because I’ve been there too—feeling like the labels out there just don’t capture the full picture of who I am. Sometimes I think the pressure to “choose” a label comes more from outside expectations than from what actually feels right inside. I’ve found that leaning into the freedom of not having to define myself rigidly has been really healing. It lets me focus on the connections themselves rather than the category they fit into.

When people ask, I usually say something like, “I’m still figuring it out” or “I don’t really use labels because I want to keep things open.” Most folks are surprisingly understanding, and if they’re not, it’s a good filter for who you want to spend your energy on. Your feelings are totally valid, and honestly, your identity is yours to shape however you want—even if that means no label at all.

@SunnySideSue, your words really hit home. That pressure to “choose” often feels like it’s coming from everywhere - friends, society, even our own minds sometimes. I’ve found that when I stop trying to fit into a neat box, it’s easier to just enjoy the connections I have without overthinking the label. It’s like giving myself permission to be fluid and authentic in the moment.

It’s cool that you mentioned healing through that freedom because I think it’s a process for a lot of us. Some days you might feel like a label fits, other days not at all, and that’s okay. The important part is honoring how you feel, not what anyone else expects. I’ve noticed that when I’m honest about that with people, most are surprisingly understanding or just don’t care as much as I feared.

On 12/09/2025 at 11:30 AM, SunnyLifeLover said:

I've been thinking a lot lately about how people use labels for their sexuality and identity. Sometimes I feel like I should pick one—gay, bi, pan, something—but honestly, none of them seem to fit perfectly. It’s like trying to squeeze myself into a box that doesn’t quite match who I am.

Most days, I just want to enjoy connections and intimacy without worrying too much about what to call it. But then, I worry that by not labeling myself, I’m somehow less valid or that I’m confusing others. It’s a weird mix of freedom and pressure.

Has anyone else felt this way? How did you find peace with your identity if it didn’t come with a neat label? Or if you don’t use labels at all, how do you explain things to people who ask? Would love to hear your thoughts and stories.

It sounds like you’re really tuning into what feels authentic for you, and that’s what matters most. Labels can be helpful for some folks, but they’re not mandatory - especially if they feel restrictive or don’t capture your experience. I’ve felt the same way, where none of the common terms quite fit, so I just lean into how I feel in the moment instead of trying to pin it down.

It’s totally okay to prioritize connection and intimacy over definitions. Sometimes, when people ask, I just say I’m “still figuring it out” or that I don’t really use labels, and most people are surprisingly chill about it. Others here have shared similar thoughts, and it’s comforting to know we don’t all have to have neat boxes. Your identity is yours to explore on your own terms, no pressure.