Staying positive all the time is becoming harder and harder

[MintHacks]

Hi
This will most likely be a huge paragraph, so if you don't want to read it, don't. But, if you do, and you do reply, thanks.

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I am 13 years old. I go to possibly one of the best schools in America, with a tuition of over 45,000 dollars. I am in a chorus outside of school which I am super devoted to. My favorite sports are squash and basketball. I am also on the verge of "quitting".
Let's look at my life in my home:

• My Dad- He is one of the funniest and coolest guys you will ever meet when there are other people around. But, when it's just me and him, he gets mad at me for no reason. He doesn't drink at all, yet he takes out so much on me. I have no idea what he is frustrated about, but he cracks me with his belt, throws chairs all over, and has broken 4 guitars he got me for my birthdays in the past.
  
• My Mom- She is one of my biggest supporters. She is so nice and caring, and when she does get mad, she tries to calm down. But, sometimes she calls my dad if she has had a bad day and then makes something small into a huge deal.
  
• My Oldest brother- He is 18 and is the best brother I could think of. He supports me, stands up for me when my dad gets mad, suffers for me when my dad is angry, and is the best brother who I could never replace. He used to be a horrible brother, but he's changed a lot and I love him.
  
• My Older Brother- I hate him so much. He is the meanest person I know, and even with others around, he, unlike my dad, carries out his hits. He has thrown baseballs at me and verbally abused me like no one could. He hurts me everyday and I have to deal with it. He is 16, turning 17 in August, and I wish that my oldest brother and him could switch personalities. As soon as my oldest brother goes to college, I am going to have to deal with my older brother, my dad, and sometimes my mom.
  
• My Dog- I know this may not count, but I have the best dog. Period. When I'm sad, she's there. She is a small fluffy bichon frise who never leaves my side. She means so much to me.
  

In school, I am known as one of the funniest kids in the grade. I am always positive, and I almost never get mad. At least I try not to. I am considered weird by some people because I may not have the same thoughts as everyone else but all in all, everyone there treats me as nice as anyone could. Only two people know about my problems at home, which are my two best friends.
With sports, basketball and squash are what I take out my stress on. At school, I play everyday in the morning when I get there early to relieve stress from the previous day. It may be one of the things that keep me positive at school.
In chorus, I am regarded as one of the best singers. It isn't a actual like, chorus where we sing classical music and stuff, but a chorus which performs various different types of music. I know I am a good singer, and had a record label with Nickelodeon 1 year ago. Singing is also one of my favorite activities, and singing with others is one of the best ways for me to feel happy.

Now, staying positive outside of my house is getting so much harder. As soon as my brother leaves, I will most likely not have anyone to talk to about these problems. I sometimes look back at myself and feel like the biggest douche in the world. A majority of my family makes me feel like the crappiest piece of crap to have ever been born, and even my school psychologist, who I have NEVER met, scheduled a meeting with me, saying that she saw how I used to be the most positive kid walking in the hallways, and how she noticed I was a bit down. I am really thinking of suicide. I have read the suicide thread, but I'm literally about to go. I just don't know how I am gonna deal with my life after my brother leaves, and how I am always regarded as crap by my brother and parents. Past memories literally make me feel like an even bigger piece of crap, and sometimes, just thinking about my life just makes me want to cry and die.
I just don't know how I am gonna deal with all this later on.

[Crystal]

Well first suicide is never an option and rather its a waste of life if you do it.. You should work hard in school, get better grades and join a part time job? maybe that would keep you busy and you would hardly go home.. After school then job and in the evenings you would have to go to home..
I think things would get better just keep calm and move on..

[Guest]

Well to start with, I would have that meeting with your school psychologist, what you say is in confidence so know school friends will know anything, maybe its worth them having a chat with your parents, I doubt your father has any idea how much of a negative impact his actions are having on you.

I am a parent myself and have 2 grown up children and 2 young children and I have never raised a hand to any of them, its wrong wrong wrong to do such a thing and only brings misery.

You really need to confide in your brother who prtects you and your mom and they need to make your father and other brother understand that what they do is not right, if it doesnt work then get outside help, just do it if you have to, dont let this screw your life up, you sound like despite everything that is going on that you can make a great life for yourself in the future, you CAN OVERCOME THIS.

[Divine]

Suicide is not a good idea mate. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Keep that in mind.