Long term relationship confused about sexuality

[Hinano]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for for 6 years, we have just recently become engaged. Lately I have had stronger sexual feelings towards women, as well as fantasies. I was sexually abused by uncle when I was younger. I have up until recently been able to ignore and forget what has happened in the past. However as of late my memories and anxieties have been coming back especially while engaging in certain sexual acts with my fiancee. My parents were also very controlling and I feel like I am just now finding my own way instead of them controlling everything in my life. I have daddy issues where my biological father didn't really want anything to do with me, and my stepfather is an alcoholic and is verbally abusive. I feel like this could contribute to the problems I have relating and connecting to men.

My fiancee was and is my first love, boyfriend, kiss, everything. He knows of my confusion and is trying to be very supportive. He is the most wonderful person and has helped me through so many issues with my life. He treats me so wonderfully and tries so hard to give me as much as he can. However I haven't felt as turned on by him. There was always a question for me if he was the one and I feel like I convinced myself that he is or was the one. I feel so pained at the thought of losing our relationship but I cannot help the feeling of wanting to be with a woman. I have always felt slightly uncomfortable around men especially when it comes to becoming more intimate except for with my fiancee. I can't help wonder that if he wasn't around that I would be a lesbian, like he is the only reason I am still straight. I have always been sexually attracted to men, and when I was younger I was slightly uncomfortable with seeing two women kissing or anything, but now I have done a 180 and I don't feel as much attraction to men and more for women.

Also my boyfriend is very emotional and has basically told me if he wasn't with me there would be no reason for him to go on...so it puts a lot of pressure on me and I feel like I could never do that to him.

I would appreciate any advice people could give me.

[WTC]

The trauma of your past I think has made you sort of submissive towards men, but I can't judge that as every person responds differently to abuse.
What I can tell you is you can not be forced to be with someone you do not want to be with fortunately,
and unfortunately for him since from what I'm reading it seems you want to end the relationship but are afraid of what your Boyfriend might do to himself.
Seriously speaking, have you ever thought about telling him you are attracted to women? Maybe have an open relationship
where you can still be with him & have a girlfriend? I mean people actually have relationships like that.
If that doesn't work, then I guess you have no choice but you cancel your relationship with him, Because then you are
forcing yourself to do something you don't want and your not a child anymore. No one can make decisions for you but yourself.
You need to be strong and put your feelings first Not feelings that can benefit someone eles and not you.

[Hinano]

Thank you New York City for the response. I agree with needing to make decisions for myself, that is something that is hard for me and I appreciate you reinforcing that. I have told him about my feelings towards women and he is trying to be as supportive as he can. He has said he would probably have a hard time with an open relationship. Also I love him and find it hard to think about leaving.

[WTC]

I'm sure it's hard, this is an issue that's going to take time to adjust in its right path if indeed you want to stay with him. I do not think there is much
he can do to change your sexual preference. The best thing in my opinion is to actually let him see you with another female but take it slow, not to rush
into things. His reaction should speak 1000 words and should be able to determine the strength of your relationship.
You love him you need to show him that being with a woman is not going to implicit damage among you & him...
in shorter words be with a female in front of him & try to direct more focus on him than the female.
Something in that sense. Hope it works out for you guys.