03-04-2011, 05:19 PM
sorry,its a typical long post. 
have felt utterly,utterly sht since last week....a major change in life that did not even get a weeks worth of notice for has triggered so much panic and stress;have ended up attacking numerous staff,attempted suicide on monday and wendsday,been cutting throughout the day along with periods of constant head banging,trashing room,and on wendsday had been triggered by not been understood before attacking them and running out-all doors are locked usualy as this is secure,but got out the back as we had the handyman/builder in and ended up managing to jump the fence full of blind rage and adrenaline.
had punched stuff along the way as well,as hands are both cut up and bruised,ended up down some alleyway and eventualy just punched head in and collapsed on the adjoining field next to a electricity pylon,
there were a lot of teens and kids about in that area,had never been there before,their noise was extremely triggering.
had ended up having a tonic clonic [epileptic] seizure then going to sleep.
upon partly recovering,was unable to move or open eyes at this point but coud hear shouting from multiple voices announcing that they are police,and wanting to know if have taken speed or coke,was also being jabbed a lot around the rib area.
some more time went on,when was feeling groggy but aware,there was this almighty agonising pain in the corner of jaw,it was coming wave after wave,eyes shot open to the sight of a bunch of coppers stood over self shouting to wake up,turns out they were using a pressure point.
due to having a severe form of autism,am not able to cope with physical contact-more so from strangers and wont interact with them either;will be triggered by forced interaction & eye contact from them.
had ended up attacking the police [unfortunately was wearing steel toe cap yard boots],and was held to the ground like was in a rugby scrum,so ended up just twatting head off the ground till was knocked out.
again,upon slowly coming around,realised was being searched for id,
when the paramedics came,had overheard something like 'he has either got to be on drugs or one of the mentals,thats who we usualy get called out to'.
used to being mistaken for a bloke as its always happened but thats some serious stereotyping.
they felt the nappy was wearing [-toileting difficulties] they assumed correctly that must have learning disabilities and be from one of the local residentials,they then realised had matched a missing vulnerable person report,and got in contact with staff.
in the meantime-had had another tonic clonic seizure,probably self inflicted from all the head banging or the stress.
woke up in resusitation in hospital,with all the usual crap attached.
they were forcing interaction and eye contact,so had ended up getting set off there as well,was completely restrained down but managed to twat head enough off the metal side bars to knock self out.
then several staff from home,and surprisingly dad walked in together, was communicating with them using a PECS book the hospital has and makaton sign,and begged to get out of there as coudnt be in a worse place.
when we eventualy got back,was faced with this major change again and the suicidal feelings came out,had managed to get a piece of stashed metal [a piece of a coke can,hid in a boot] and tried to furiously dig away at a major vein all along,but had only succeeded in making a lot of mess,it didnt cut deep.
tried getting one of the bulbs out of the built in lights so coud use the glass but just ended up getting into trouble with everyone for nearly blowing the electrics.
fast forward to now,friday/coming into saturday,the major change that had happened was adapted so that can start to settle again.
back and ribs on one side are in a lot of pain,cant laugh or breathe without it hitting hard,same as the pressure point on jaw though thats a bit better than it was.
every joint just seems to be hurting like crazy,cant wait to get some bacardi and extra painkillers at mums tomorrow as this is rubbish only being allowed to have one co codomol in the morning/eve/night.
wont ever stop apologising to the staff for what had put them through,
have destroyed some valued items like sensory stuff,and continuously getting asked if am alright now and wanting to move.
have never felt so sht.
TL/DR:
attacked a lot of people in autistic rages due to a major life change ;including to multiple support staffs and police-ended up tackled and restrained by them,multiple seizures unknown to police,head banging, severe pain causing pressure points being used by police,sorry to much to shorten-read above.
have felt utterly,utterly sht since last week....a major change in life that did not even get a weeks worth of notice for has triggered so much panic and stress;have ended up attacking numerous staff,attempted suicide on monday and wendsday,been cutting throughout the day along with periods of constant head banging,trashing room,and on wendsday had been triggered by not been understood before attacking them and running out-all doors are locked usualy as this is secure,but got out the back as we had the handyman/builder in and ended up managing to jump the fence full of blind rage and adrenaline.
had punched stuff along the way as well,as hands are both cut up and bruised,ended up down some alleyway and eventualy just punched head in and collapsed on the adjoining field next to a electricity pylon,
there were a lot of teens and kids about in that area,had never been there before,their noise was extremely triggering.
had ended up having a tonic clonic [epileptic] seizure then going to sleep.
upon partly recovering,was unable to move or open eyes at this point but coud hear shouting from multiple voices announcing that they are police,and wanting to know if have taken speed or coke,was also being jabbed a lot around the rib area.
some more time went on,when was feeling groggy but aware,there was this almighty agonising pain in the corner of jaw,it was coming wave after wave,eyes shot open to the sight of a bunch of coppers stood over self shouting to wake up,turns out they were using a pressure point.
due to having a severe form of autism,am not able to cope with physical contact-more so from strangers and wont interact with them either;will be triggered by forced interaction & eye contact from them.
had ended up attacking the police [unfortunately was wearing steel toe cap yard boots],and was held to the ground like was in a rugby scrum,so ended up just twatting head off the ground till was knocked out.
again,upon slowly coming around,realised was being searched for id,
when the paramedics came,had overheard something like 'he has either got to be on drugs or one of the mentals,thats who we usualy get called out to'.
used to being mistaken for a bloke as its always happened but thats some serious stereotyping.
they felt the nappy was wearing [-toileting difficulties] they assumed correctly that must have learning disabilities and be from one of the local residentials,they then realised had matched a missing vulnerable person report,and got in contact with staff.
in the meantime-had had another tonic clonic seizure,probably self inflicted from all the head banging or the stress.
woke up in resusitation in hospital,with all the usual crap attached.
they were forcing interaction and eye contact,so had ended up getting set off there as well,was completely restrained down but managed to twat head enough off the metal side bars to knock self out.
then several staff from home,and surprisingly dad walked in together, was communicating with them using a PECS book the hospital has and makaton sign,and begged to get out of there as coudnt be in a worse place.
when we eventualy got back,was faced with this major change again and the suicidal feelings came out,had managed to get a piece of stashed metal [a piece of a coke can,hid in a boot] and tried to furiously dig away at a major vein all along,but had only succeeded in making a lot of mess,it didnt cut deep.
tried getting one of the bulbs out of the built in lights so coud use the glass but just ended up getting into trouble with everyone for nearly blowing the electrics.
fast forward to now,friday/coming into saturday,the major change that had happened was adapted so that can start to settle again.
back and ribs on one side are in a lot of pain,cant laugh or breathe without it hitting hard,same as the pressure point on jaw though thats a bit better than it was.
every joint just seems to be hurting like crazy,cant wait to get some bacardi and extra painkillers at mums tomorrow as this is rubbish only being allowed to have one co codomol in the morning/eve/night.
wont ever stop apologising to the staff for what had put them through,
have destroyed some valued items like sensory stuff,and continuously getting asked if am alright now and wanting to move.
have never felt so sht.
TL/DR:
attacked a lot of people in autistic rages due to a major life change ;including to multiple support staffs and police-ended up tackled and restrained by them,multiple seizures unknown to police,head banging, severe pain causing pressure points being used by police,sorry to much to shorten-read above.
![[Image: kittcrew.jpg]](http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/453/kittcrew.jpg)
