Questions I don't have answers for.

[johngianni]

Well it is still Spring Break and I am staying with my father right now. When I was young my parents got divorced and I ended up leaving my amazing house at 7. I live with my mom in a pretty decent house now. For an odd reason I have the urge to stay with my dad at his house even though when my parents were not separated he was never home for me to put me to sleep or nothing. He used to come home at 2:00AM. My dad owns his one refrigeration business in which he does more than refrigeration and fixes mostly diners that have Greek owners due to the fact we are Greek so everyone is friendly with us. When my parents got divorced my dad met some Latin American woman who is now my step mother. I do not consider her my step mom at all. I now have a step brother too. Things I do not like about this is that I feel like he cares about my step brother more than me now. It makes me upset immensely that it is like this since I have been with my dad for these years and never getted to spend time with him. I do believe something was wrong back then when he came so late due to the fact he comes home around 12AM now. Everyday he is hard at work but the sad part is he hides the money he makes from my Mom, my siblings, and I. I am wondering if my dad hides his money to my step brother and his new wife. I wonder what goes on when I am not by him. I wonder who he cares about more, his son who isn't even Greek, or his real son who is more intelligent and doesn't fail in School. The money problem is immense due to the fact everything is hidden good. The diners he fixes has a owner who is a millionaire who manages to hide any income he receives. If you guys are familiar with places at NJ some places he fixes are the Americana, Skylark, Pines Manor which is a Banquet, and about 70 other places. I can go on listing but that would just make you fall asleep. One day my grandfather found out that my dad has a contract to make 120,000 from just three places he fix. With his business there is a estimate he makes around 300,000. I wonder what is he doing with all that money. I think if he is hiding some house from me or he is just saving for one day to come. These questions boggle in my head and I never have an answer to them. My has been looking at houses lately and is planning on buying one. On the phone to a person he claims he makes 85,000 income. My main problem is I wonder why is my dad like this? What is he really trying to do? In addition, who does he care about more? My step brother or me? I know this may seem long but I can go on even longer being even more detailed but I am pretty sure of you guys don't have an answer for me. Sometimes I wish everything can be fine again. I used to have dreams of my old home and certain events in my life. It seems very odd but they have faded away now. I believe this is the cause in which I have become very emotional.

[Ethical]

That sucks man, my parents separated when I was 2, haven't seen my Dad since. crap happens I guess.

Ethical

[johngianni]

That sucks man, my parents separated when I was 2, haven't seen my Dad since. crap happens I guess.

Ethical

Wow, since 2? I would hate for that to happen to me. Shits not right, he can't all this forever. I am waiting to see what will happen when he gets old and passes away. Not that I want his money or anything its just when he writes his will that is the moment of truth. He chooses to support my step brother who can't even speak proper English compared to me then there is something obviously wrong with him. But I don't know he chooses me for stuff more than him I think. For instance, my dad wants me to work with him instead of my step brother. He says my step brother is useless in working. The bad part is when he hides this money my mom is not getting as much as she deserves. My dad took the 30,000 he got from my grandfather and then tells the court it is a gift. He takes my Chrisaning money which was about 7,000 and uses it to buy his truck (I can't spell that word. ). He owes me more than he can imagine and on top of that he hides everything.

[Ethical]

Wow, since 2? I would hate for that to happen to me. Shits not right, he can't all this forever. I am waiting to see what will happen when he gets old and passes away. Not that I want his money or anything its just when he writes his will that is the moment of truth. He chooses to support my step brother who can't even speak proper English compared to me then there is something obviously wrong with him. But I don't know he chooses me for stuff more than him I think. For instance, my dad wants me to work with him instead of my step brother. He says my step brother is useless in working. The bad part is when he hides this money my mom is not getting as much as she deserves. My dad took the 30,000 he got from my grandfather and then tells the court it is a gift. He takes my Chrisaning money which was about 7,000 and uses it to buy his truck (I can't spell that word. ). He owes me more than he can imagine and on top of that he hides everything.

That sucks, sounds hard man. Have you tried talking to him about it? Your Dad might be surprisingly compassionate and be able to see things from your point of view.

Ethical

[johngianni]

That sucks, sounds hard man. Have you tried talking to him about it? Your Dad might be surprisingly compassionate and be able to see things from your point of view.

Ethical

He probably wont have a good response. If I say stuff like that he will just start blaming my mom. He doesn't speak well english which annoyes me. He was born in America but left to Greece on a boat right after and lifted their most of his life. Also, I get to sensitive and I am nervous to do that.

[Ethical]

He probably wont have a good response. If I say stuff like that he will just start blaming my mom. He doesn't speak well english which annoyes me. He was born in America but left to Greece on a boat right after and lifted their most of his life. Also, I get to sensitive and I am nervous to do that.

Facing your fears is hard to do, I think you should give it a go man, this could be a major obstacle for the rest of your life, what if your Dad does pass away and you're left to wonder 'what if?'. You could have a great relationship with your father, there's no harm in trying to re-establish it.

Ethical

[Carb0n F1ber]

Like the others say, try to re-establish a relationship by just "talking" to him... Afterall, he is your dad. If he doesn't understand now, he'll understand very soon if you are persistent...

Hope things go well for you man ...

[Heli0s]

I don't think you should feel so bad about your dad caring more for your step brother than you. I highly doubt he cares for another woman's child more than his own offspring. Perhaps it just seems that way because he's just trying to show his new wife that he cares for her son as well. I'm not saying he's just putting on a show, but maybe it's just that he has to make an effort to show his wife that he cares for her son as if he were his own, you know?

What do you think?

[Teh]

I really want to know , how old are you atm?

[majordave]

Hey Johngi,

First of all, that $300,000? That would be his gross receipts. After he ends up paying for all the expenses involved in completing those projects, along with the overhead of running his business he might only end up netting 10% or $30,000, and that's providing he doesn't run into any unforseen additional expenses that he neglected to include in the contract. And then, out of that remaining $30,000, he has to pay his income taxes and child support to your mom, and everything else. So it's really not as much money as it seems. And yes, I do know what I'm talking about. I'm an accountant and it's what I do for a living. I'd have to actually inspect his books to determine his net profit percentage, but 10% is not that uncommon for a contracting business.

Second, loving responsible parents do not burden their children with their financial difficulties or involve them in their personal problems, especially not where it concerns their divorce. Your parents divorce had nothing to do with you, it wasn't your fault, and your mom/grandfather should not be making it your problem or concern. Parents should never discuss such matters with children, and it's very wrong to do so, especially since it sounds to me as if she may be taking her bitterness over the divorce, and corresponding reduction in income, out on you. Your father's financial responsibility towards your mother for the payment of child support is legally set by the statutes of the state in which you live in, in accordance with court order, and whatever he may earn otherwise, and what he chooses to do with it is none of their business. If your mother believes she is not receiving the proper amount, because she believes your dad is hiding money from her and the court system, then she should be discussing the matter with an attorney. If her attorney believes she has just cause for her concerns, they can obtain a court order that would require your dad to permit a forensic accountant access to his accounts and records to perform an analysis and render a professional determination or opinion -- YO! Forensic accountant speaking!

Do you know why loving parents do not discuss such matters with their children? Because it screws up their heads! Causes depression, tension, anxiety, and all kinds of negative emotional problems that they shouldn't, and wouldn't, have otherwise! And those emotional problems can leave a permanent scar, and loving parents would not want to inflict such damage on their chidren. I don't think your mom is doing this intentionally. Sometimes divorced parents get too caught up in their own problems to realize the full extent of the effect it's having on their children.

Your father does NOT love his stepson more than you! That's not even a remote possibility. You are his son, his living legacy. You were created from his DNA and his blood flows in your veins. Blood is always thicker than water, and he loves you far more. Please don't think your dad isn't fully aware that if anything ever happened between him and your stepmom, that her son would no longer be his stepson, but no matter what, you will ALWAYS be his son!

If he isn't coming around all that much, more likely it's because of the problems between him and your mother which again, have absolutely nothing to do with you. If he seems closed mouthed and somewhat distant, it's probably because he suspects your mom has been "bad-mouthing" him to you, and he's reacting by taking defensive measures, in an attempt to minimize the damage, to hopefully prevent a permanent rift between the two of you. Instead, he's "biding his time" until you are older, out on your own and away from your mother's influence, at which point he's hoping he will have a better chance at becoming a greater part of your life.

I sincerely hope you will consider approaching your mother, explaining how much this is upsetting you, and ask if she will please not discuss your dad with, or in front of you. Again, I don't think she is doing it intentionally and probably doesn't realize how much of an effect it's having on you emotionally.

I wish you and your family all the best!