My Story with the female-types

[manipulate]

I have some sort of psychological problem that's turning out really hard to shake, I'm not sure if it's not normal, I'm not sure if I really want it gone…I think I do…I don't know, but it's getting quite annoying and well..I need some advice, anyway…where to start, ah, the beginning.
Well, around this time last year I was pretty well..emotionless, I managed to build some sort of 'shell', something that stopped any outside influence from making me feel any emotion whatsoever (no matter what the emotion may be, not just sadness…not just..anger, but happiness…even love). In some ways…this was good, well at the time it was a win-win situation, there wasn't any catches at the time, I didn't care that I wasn't getting in on any of the 'good emotions' because I didn't know what it was…I didn't know how good it really was, I didn't know what it felt like, but now I'm wondering if I'd be better off that way - well…I'm getting ahead of myself. I blame the internet for the way I was back then, I mean…I used it a lot, and the internet is a place where you can't really let your emotions get in the way, I took that to such an extreme where it just affected my whole life - completely untreated but whatever. As I said earlier…I was doing okay, I managed to get my work done on time and at a reasonable quality, I didn't get in trouble, I didn't really get in anyones way, I was just that kid that didn't [attempt to] talk to anyone during lunch, but then she came along….
In the second quarter of last year a new student came to the school, she was in my year and in my 'community' (the half of the year that I actually see on a regular basis). I don't know how we ended up talking…I'm pretty sure it was though a friend (nothing strange about that), I instantly liked her…but that was a…a different like, as I said before at that time I didn't really know what actually 'liking' someone felt like, I'm pretty sure I just thought she was hot at the time…but whatever, with her being the 'outgoing' type and a few mind manipulation tricks on my end we eventually started becoming closer as we discovered common interests, this is where things started to change for me, she was…different, now I know all guys say that about their love interests, but from someone who knows a fair bit about the inner workings of the human mind's point of view, her mind actually worked differently, she thought differently about things, she acted differently, she reacted differently, it was quite…well…she reminded me of myself a bit (minus the penis and plus the pigment), I had never met anyone like her before…not even close. We became extremely close at this point, nothing more than best friends…but we connected on a level that neither of us had experienced before, now I know what you're thinking, "Yeah…blah blah blah, this is just another guy-meets-girl story and it'll all be over within a couple of weeks", I can assure you that this is not at all the case; when your mind isn't worrying about anything like my mind was, you have a lot of time to analyse…analyse people, analyse groups of people, analyse relationships, what was happening between me and her was different, even when I looked at it from an outsiders point of view…it was different. Anyway…woah, this is getting to be quite the story isn't it; I'll summarise what happened over the next couple of months to shorten it a bit for you, what basically happened was (with the help of her Dads partner) she thought that we well…had a future, like…beyond school, the word 'marriage' is still burned into my skull and it hasn't faded even slightly since she first said it (yeah I hear you, typical teenage bullshit - but yeah…read my previous statement), she told me that she well…'liked' me or whatever, she didn't want to start anything with me because 'she wanted experience, and if she started anything with me she wouldn't want it to end', having an IQ of over 40 I instantly called bullshit but I wanted to believe it enough that I ended up doing so. We became closer, then we started drifting again, closer….repeat repeat repeat, then eventually one day….when it was about time for us to become closer again…something went wrong…well, in hindsight it was wrong, but then it was the best thing in the world for me, she gets in these 'moods'; it's where she loses all forms of 'self-control' as she calls it and well…she's pretty flirty with me during them, she seemed to be in one and being the manipulative butthead I am after she headed off to bed I decided to call her, 7 hours and a few hundred dollars later we were officially 'an item', I was over the moon (expected, right?) and so was she..well, at the time anyway. At school the next day it was normal, like…painfully normal, I instantly sensed that something was wrong, if anything…we were closer as friends, and with the exception of the lunch break the next day was exactly the same, I was contemplating telling her that I really preferred us being just friends because it was hurting too much; us supposedly being together but not being as close as we usually were as just friends, I stopped myself. Then it happened, I think it was Friday the 13th (yeah, I officially believe in all that superstitious bullshit after this) and I could tell something was up, on IRC she was going on about something, something that she had done wrong, something that she felt really selfish for doing, now from the start it was pretty obvious, but just to be sure I spent a few hours trying to get it out of her…until finally she said it, I can still remember reading the message she sent to me through blurry eyes, shrink-wrapped in tears, "I made the wrong decision", and of course…I was right, she 'misinterpreted her feelings for me' (quote). I should point out that at this time I was an emotional wreck…I don't mean just after this happened, I mean before she even said yes, I had changed totally, she had totally changed my life, how I felt about things…how I worked, she made me feel emotion, and jee she did it well, at multiple times a night I was just reduced to hugging my pillow because I was just so … full of emotion really, I knew it was bad for me, I was turning into the worlds pussiest guy…but whatever, there wasn't really any going back by the time I realised this. After this we didn't talk…at all…except for a few heated Facebook PM arguments I totally cut myself off from her for exactly a month (to the day) - I planned on doing it forever but she had such an enormous impact on my life it was hard to shake the urge to…to talk to her if anything. After the very teary start to school the following day we started trying to repair our almost dead friendship, we both took the day off school one Tuesday and she came over mine, just so we could spend some quality time together (not sexually, seriously) and try and repair our friendship, well we threw that idea out the window and just stuck with a hug that lasted around seven hours, in a way that's all the repairing that needed to be done, it was a fairly good way to express what we couldn't put into words, and seeing as we both like hugs it was good for that as well .
Maybe that was too far…I mean, it was just a hug….but that set off the whole "I think I like you" thing again about a week later, I didn't know what to do, this was beginning to get to 'on-off' for me but since I liked her that much I went along with it, she said she was unsure and that she needed time to think, I gave her the time to think, she eventually said no (expected) … I wasn't as affected as last time, I mean…I can handle rejection, what I can't handle is being thrown around like that, in my opinion she was taking advantage of the situation, taking advantage of some kind of claim she had on me (that's what she said to me). The friendship started going downhill after that, she thought it was dead, we hadn't talked for days despite seeing each-other online constantly, when I started trying to talk to her again she told me that she had made a decision, she had decided to think about herself for a change, as soon as I heard that I was pissed off, she decided that she wanted to end her friendship with me because she was sick of being sad, this was complete bullshit…on multiple occasions after 'the incident' she asked me to offload all my rage onto her, she told me that she deserved to be sad, and she is, in general a sad person, instead of trying to work through it…instead of thinking about it logically and maybe avoiding those topics of conversation that make her sad, she decided to take the easy way out and just kill the friendship.
Yeah…I know, she obviously didn't care much about the friendship, well…not enough for it to win over the sadness, I kept trying to tell myself that, "is it actually worth trying to fix if the quality of the friendship isn't good according to her?", due to my unconditional love for her that didn't help at all, a few days later I contacted her asking her to think about it logically…an explanation of my views on the situation along with some subtle manipulation (yeah, butthead move I know) I got her to reverse what she decided to do…and here we are.


END TL;DR SECTION.

I still like her…too much, it's killing me, I don't think she's going to try anything like that any time soon, and every day I find myself thinking about her, is this normal….is there anything I can do about it?

[DAMINK™]

I read most of that and had to stop.
First an IQ of 40 would be almost vegetable.
Second you say your very good at reading minds. Well you really need to read yours!!
I honestly feel your far too self centered. You think everything revolves around yourself.
The above post was full of contradiction. Because you hide your emotions and 1 chick was able to break your seemingly impregnable force field she must therefor be god like or "the right one"
Well thats simply wrong. There is a saying. " You must love yourself before you can love others "
Now im not into this crap too much but essentially its true man.
Your emotional state is not good. Therefor your views are clouded. Its just puppy love.

You need to stop trying to psychoanalyze everyone as this in its self is an emotional problem.
I believe its one of the first questions they ask here when you want to become a cop.

"Do you feel like people are looking at you when your in public?"
I imagine you would answer yes to this?

Anyways that was harsh enough. Live and learn man.
You will get emotionally hurt a million times in your life. And that is if your one of the lucky ones.
Each time is gets a little easier to deal with though

[Camgaertner]

Over time you will stop thinking about her as much as you do and she will just be a sad thought. A thought in your mind that when you think about it you feel that you acted stupidly and thought you had something great when really you didn't really like her.
You might not feel this way now, but you will feel somewhat like this eventually.

[Gone]

I disagree with the post above. If you truly miss someone regardless of what the relationship is, you will think about them forever. Until you come to terms of why it didn't work at least.

[manipulate]

I read most of that and had to stop.

Expected.

First an IQ of 40 would be almost vegetable.

Yeah well, it was a figure of speech, you get what I mean.

Second you say your very good at reading minds. Well you really need to read yours!!

I wouldn't say I'm very good at reading minds, I understand how the typical mind works...what triggers what.etc - I wouldn't call that reading but it can help with determining what's going to happen; or it can help with manipulation...which is a good and a bad thing, as I said it's most peoples mind...the...typical mind I guess, now I'm not saying everyone is the same but everybody's mind the same to a certain extent, mine is different, it's still the same in some ways but it's different, and no I'm not making this up, I have been told this by someone who actually has experience/qualifications in the field.
I don't know how I work, I can't 'read' my mind as you call it.

I honestly feel your far too self centered. You think everything revolves around yourself.

Howso, without elaborating this is just criticism that isn't needed, I've asked several people that have a much more in-depth knowledge of the situation if I have been self-centered with the whole thing, they said I haven't but I'm still not sure, it may have just been how I've written this out (terrible, missing lots of details, but Itried to keep it short so I didn't bore everyone too much) but I don't know.

The above post was full of contradiction. Because you hide your emotions and 1 chick was able to break your seemingly impregnable force field she must therefor be god like or "the right one" Well thats simply wrong.

Howso, once again you need to elaborate.

There is a saying. " You must love yourself before you can love others "
Now im not into this crap too much but essentially its true man.
Your emotional state is not good. Therefor your views are clouded. Its just puppy love.

I'm well aware that my emotional state isn't good, but I'm not willing to write this off as simply 'puppy love', as I said earlier I have heard others views on it all and none of them are calling it puppy love.

You need to stop trying to psychoanalyze everyone as this in its self is an emotional problem.

It's what I do lol, it's a hard habit to kick.

I believe its one of the first questions they ask here when you want to become a cop.

"Do you feel like people are looking at you when your in public?"
I imagine you would answer yes to this?

I'd answer yes, but not for the reason that you are thinking, this question is not the best way of proving whatever point you're trying to prove, I have my reasons for saying yes and I'd like to keep them private, but I assure you there is no self-centered-ness involved.

Anyways that was harsh enough. Live and learn man.
You will get emotionally hurt a million times in your life. And that is if your one of the lucky ones.
Each time is gets a little easier to deal with though

k

---

I disagree with the post above. If you truly miss someone regardless of what the relationship is, you will think about them forever. Until you come to terms of why it didn't work at least.

That one sounds more realistic.

[Zomaian]

Can you please organize your thread into paragraphs, capitalize the letters, and stop doing "..." because now my eyes already just hurt reading the first three lines.

Please do that so that I can read it,

Thanks...

[DAMINK™]

I disagree with the post above. If you truly miss someone regardless of what the relationship is, you will think about them forever. Until you come to terms of why it didn't work at least.

I simply dont agree with this.
I have had loved ones die. I have had loved ones leave me for various reasons.
Sure for some time it hurts but life goes on and over time wounds heal. I assure you of this.
I lost the lady who looked after me my whole life in weird circumstances and although at the time it killed me i honestly dont think of it ever now.
I have had some really nasty breakups. Sure at the time they hurt but now not at all. I laugh at how silly i was actually.
When i say "takes time" I do mean years though. Some times several years. Depends on many factors.

[Gone]

I simply dont agree with this.
I have had loved ones die. I have had loved ones leave me for various reasons.
Sure for some time it hurts but life goes on and over time wounds heal. I assure you of this.
I lost the lady who looked after me my whole life in weird circumstances and although at the time it killed me i honestly dont think of it ever now.
I have had some really nasty breakups. Sure at the time they hurt but now not at all. I laugh at how silly i was actually.
When i say "takes time" I do mean years though. Some times several years. Depends on many factors.

Living and death are two different things. When someone leaves and its because of you, its different. Unless that person died cursing you, or by your hand, then i would be puzzled, and would have to admit my theory is wrong, so if that is the case, i am sorry, and you are right. Leaving though, you just have to understand the flaw. Its most likely been told 10000 times, you just haven't looked at it from a different view.

[majordave]

[sigh]

Look, my husband asked me out for a YEAR before I agreed to even date him! It's not that I wasn't attracted to him, I had just broken up with my previous husband and needed some "me" time to get my own head back on straight.

During that year I dated other guys, but they were all casual and I KNEW with him, it would be different. I mean, from day one, we finished each other's sentences! But I just couldn't do it, not then, bad timing.

A year later, we went out for a couple of months and I broke up with him because he drank, a lot. I don't, and just, no.

2 months later, he came back, went to rehab and has been "clean and sober", and alcohol's been a non-issue ever since. We're closer to each other than I ever thought possible.


You're not suffering from a psychological problem, you're just suffering from the phenomenon of having been smitten by "unrequited love."

If it's meant to be, it will. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day.

If it's not meant to be, there's nothing you can do about it.

but it ain't over till the fat lady sings.

[Elektrisk]

OP hasn't logged in for a month, btw.