Need help helping a friend

[Josh H.]

Hi everyone,

I've got a friend who's currently at a suicidal level of depression. He's one of my best friends, someone I really trust and like talking to each day, so it's especially emotional for me.

I've been talking to him over skype for the most part since he doesn't want to talk face to face, which I kind of understand. I'm depressed myself, not to the extent he is, but to the point where I understand most of the symptoms except for the suicidal feeling. I haven't had that, so that's where my understanding drops off.

I've read plenty of guides from lots of resources on helping friends who are suicidal, and it's mostly the same stuff. Tell an adult, be there for them, don't pressure them into things, etc.

Problem is, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. He's begun counting down to his suicide which could happen Friday at the earliest, except for a girl who's apparently threatened to commit suicide herself if he does.

I want to talk to him about it, but as he said, he doesn't trust me enough. Admittedly, I was kind of taken aback when I heard that since I know I trust him as much as I do. He told me he's been receiving a lot of heat about it and talking to someone irl. But he said all of that before he started his countdown in his status.

I just feel completely helpless right now. I don't know what I should do. I desperately want to do whatever I can to help him get back to the point he was a few months ago where he was more energetic, sociable, lively, etc. I've screwed up with some things I've said that I think may have unintentionally devalued his feelings, which I feel like a complete ass about. I'm making an effort to be myself and simply show him that I care however I can, e.g. hanging around him when he's withdrawing himself at school, responding when he changes his skype status to something else related to his issues, asking him how he's feeling after school each day.

To these things, he's pretty much closed off. I don't know what to do now, I'm pretty much at the end of my rope. I can't let one of my best friends commit suicide. But at the same time, he doesn't respond to anyone's open door. He apparently received 5000 messages the other day from a skype group he's in, all of them telling him to not commit suicide, but he's still seeming to move forward.

I've made the retarded mistake of not telling any adults. I really wish I did, but I was stuck in the typical not-wanting-to-betray-his-trust thing which is well documented on the internet as well.

I'll see him at school tomorrow and he's going to talk to the girl to threatened to commit suicide herself (whom I suspect was his girlfriend who left him since she probably didn't know what to do either). That all determines what he does, and my plan is to just ask him where he's at with that. It seems like she's the most likely chance of stopping him from killing himself.

I think part of this person's apprehension with talking about the problems too much is that I think some of them involve legal gray-line things which he could get in trouble for. I don't want to throw him under the bus, but I also don't want a dead friend.

What should I do? Tell school security? Call the police (I think he has a strained relationship with his parents, so that could be awkward)? I just don't know anymore.

[bandors]

Go tell school security, they'll be able to help you out for sure.

[Josh H.]

Go tell school security, they'll be able to help you out for sure.

Thanks for your input. I've got a lot to think about as far as actually doing this tomorrow, so this helps a lot.

[Dawn]

Hi everyone,

I've got a friend who's currently at a suicidal level of depression. He's one of my best friends, someone I really trust and like talking to each day, so it's especially emotional for me.

I've been talking to him over skype for the most part since he doesn't want to talk face to face, which I kind of understand. I'm depressed myself, not to the extent he is, but to the point where I understand most of the symptoms except for the suicidal feeling. I haven't had that, so that's where my understanding drops off.

I've read plenty of guides from lots of resources on helping friends who are suicidal, and it's mostly the same stuff. Tell an adult, be there for them, don't pressure them into things, etc.

Problem is, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. He's begun counting down to his suicide which could happen Friday at the earliest, except for a girl who's apparently threatened to commit suicide herself if he does.

I want to talk to him about it, but as he said, he doesn't trust me enough. Admittedly, I was kind of taken aback when I heard that since I know I trust him as much as I do. He told me he's been receiving a lot of heat about it and talking to someone irl. But he said all of that before he started his countdown in his status.

I just feel completely helpless right now. I don't know what I should do. I desperately want to do whatever I can to help him get back to the point he was a few months ago where he was more energetic, sociable, lively, etc. I've screwed up with some things I've said that I think may have unintentionally devalued his feelings, which I feel like a complete ass about. I'm making an effort to be myself and simply show him that I care however I can, e.g. hanging around him when he's withdrawing himself at school, responding when he changes his skype status to something else related to his issues, asking him how he's feeling after school each day.

To these things, he's pretty much closed off. I don't know what to do now, I'm pretty much at the end of my rope. I can't let one of my best friends commit suicide. But at the same time, he doesn't respond to anyone's open door. He apparently received 5000 messages the other day from a skype group he's in, all of them telling him to not commit suicide, but he's still seeming to move forward.

I've made the retarded mistake of not telling any adults. I really wish I did, but I was stuck in the typical not-wanting-to-betray-his-trust thing which is well documented on the internet as well.

I'll see him at school tomorrow and he's going to talk to the girl to threatened to commit suicide herself (whom I suspect was his girlfriend who left him since she probably didn't know what to do either). That all determines what he does, and my plan is to just ask him where he's at with that. It seems like she's the most likely chance of stopping him from killing himself.

I think part of this person's apprehension with talking about the problems too much is that I think some of them involve legal gray-line things which he could get in trouble for. I don't want to throw him under the bus, but I also don't want a dead friend.

What should I do? Tell school security? Call the police (I think he has a strained relationship with his parents, so that could be awkward)? I just don't know anymore.

Hi, I understand your problem, I have also been in a similar situation. What I recommend doing is getting your friend to go out somewhere with you and maybe that girl. Try going to places he likes and doing things he enjoys. What you need to do is show him that he still has reasons to live. Getting that girl to forgive him and take him back might also help. I know that it is recommended not to push people in his situation into doing something, but in so serious cases it might be one of the best things you can do. If you feel that there is nothing you can do about the situation and that he is going to hurt himself tell school security, an adult etc. If he is under 18 he probably won't be in much trouble. He might not like it, but at least he will be alive! Tell me once you decide what to do or if you need any other help/advice. I'm here to help!

[Good vibes]

The best way to heal yourself, or help other people, is to be authentic. Be real. Be courageous in a sense of expressing how you really feel, instead of putting on the image you want people to see. It's not easy for anyone to be vulnerable, to express a personal struggle, fear or insecurity. But as hard as it may, it is the birthplace of creativity, connection, and growth. To actually face difficult conversations and feelings head on frees you from remaining a prisoner to your fears. You wind up carrying them with you everywhere you go, as if that dark cloud never seems to clear in your life. But the minute you become full authentic and expressive you begin to see the sun come out again. You feel that sense of relief, the weight off your shoulders. Helping other people, like your friend, adopt this mindset could really great starting point for flushing out the negative energy many of us carry around with us everyday.