Marriage Issues

[LovingMyKids4]

freakin needs to be changed to f*ckin and crap needs to be changed to sh*t

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So where to begin. My husband and I have been in very stressful situation for a little over a month now. We have recieved custody of my stepson on top of our three children we have together. So now we have four children four and under. Within the past month our relationship has gone from great, he was my best friend, we could talk about anything, laugh and joke around, play video games after the kids were in bed and talk shiit, you know just have a good time and enjoy each other. To him calling me lazy, a piece of crap, telling me I'm freakin worthless. Telling me to just get the fudge out then. And even as far as last night when he said, "you are freakin crazy if you think i even freakin care about you anymore." All this coming from someone I thought would never do that to me. He talked to me like this last week, but later apologized and promised me he wouldn't again, just to turn around and do it again. I feel betrayed, pissed off, hurt, and stupid. I mean why would I have been so stupid to believe that he really meant it, because obviously he didn't if he just turned around and did it alll over again. Seriously, who treats thier wife like that, let alone does it in front of thier children??? I have thought about leaving but, I am a stay at home mom, I don't have a job my kids are my job. I am just terrified that I will end up a divorced single mother at 23. Who else would want that??? I'm only 23 years old this isn't the life I wanted or ever pictured at 23. This isn't a life at all, it's more like being treated like dog crap every day of the week. Has anyone else ever dealt with a partner or spouse acting like this??[/color][/font]

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[Omniscient]

The wife and I have 4 kids too. Not as close as yours but still close enough. It can be very stressful at times.

Judging by your statements I'd say it was time for couple counseling. If he's not into that then you may have some very tough choices ahead of you.

Fixed your post btw.

[DAMINK™]

I am married and have 5 children, and not long ago it was 4 under 4 years old actually.
So we are in a very similar situation. The only difference being i am 40 years old and a man.
My wife is actually very close to your age and i am going to ask her to register here today to reply to this thread and possibly chat to you privately if needed as she can and will offer you advice.

Ok...
Kids are hard, we all know that. 4 under 4 is just about impossible.
I myself are guilty of talking down to my wife when things get tough. Sorry but im just being honest.
Does she do it back? At times yes. Its not that we hate each other. Far from it. Its because we love each other and its a release.
Not to the extent you are talking about... Well there have been a few occasions.
This is a stress release IMO and needs to be controlled. NEVER AROUND THE KIDS!
Grab the hubby and go into another room turn the music up and have a scream match if thats what you need to do.
Get someone to baby sit every now and again and take the hubby out, the 2 of you spend some quality time together.

But the most important thing imo above everything else.
Is you 2 kiss and make up every night before bed. Dont let the days stress or fights run into another day.
Always make up and take the day on the chin.
My advice here is prob no help to you. And if thats the case i am sorry however i have asked my wife to join here today and reply to this as she can really offer you some advice.

[Omniscient]

The wife and I never call each other names. It's just one rule I have. Not that we don't get into some good fights but I don't call her a bitch and she doesn't call me an butthead.

But that has to be a two way street you both agree on. If find it easier to get over being mad at her if we don't say things we'll regret later.

[Cronus]

There's something that caused him to act that way. You need to find that cause and help him overcome it.

You should try to bring the love back in the relationship by making him a romantic dinner, organizing dates, ect. If he reacts in an abusive way, then he's a jerk and you should teach him a lesson by taking your kids with you to a relative's house, preferably your mother.

When I was young, my father used to go into a state which he is not normally in and flips out on my mother for very stupid reasons, perhaps it was due to the stress from work. My mother used to send her brothers to speak with him, whilst she slept at my grandmother's house. After a week long cool out period, everything was normal again.

[LovingMyKids4]

We talked alot about things last night, and seems to be getting better, my only worry is for how long? I know his childhood wasn't the greatest, and there was some trauma there but he won't open up about very much of it. What I know I have been told from his sister and brother, who also went through it. I don't know how to get him to open up to me. I don't know if maybe that has anything to do with it or not. My parents divorced when I was i don't know maybe 20? 19? But that hasn't effected me any because I knew from my very first memory that thier relationship was sh*t. He was an alcoholic and very verbally abusive to my sister, my brother, my mother, and I. It occasionally got physical. I moved out of the house at 17 because I couldn't take it anymore. Got myself into a worse situation with a drug addict abusive as*h@le. So it could be that I relate some of the things that have been said with horrible memories from the past. I don't know, sory if this all makes no sense at all I'm just typing everything I'm thinking in no particular order.

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There's something that caused him to act that way. You need to find that cause and help him overcome it.

You should try to bring the love back in the relationship by making him a romantic dinner, organizing dates, ect. If he reacts in an abusive way, then he's a jerk and you should teach him a lesson by taking your kids with you to a relative's house, preferably your mother.
it would work to take them with me to my mother's house, but I refuse to speak to my mother. I haven't seen her or spoken to her in almost 2 years. Long story. I do have a relitive though that I could go to, I just don't know if I want to use that as an option right now or not.

When I was young, my father used to go into a state which he is not normally in and flips out on my mother for very stupid reasons, perhaps it was due to the stress from work. My mother used to send her brothers to speak with him, whilst she slept at my grandmother's house. After a week long cool out period, everything was normal again.

[Cronus]

That's something you'll have to fix. Life is too short to keep grudges against family members, especially a mother.