Just feeling bad

[Koekert]

Yeah well, just posting this thread to express my feelings at the moment.

So yeah, stuff's a bit messed up at the moment for me. Half the time I feel bad, which results in me not being motivated for school and now I probably won't make this year and have to do it all over again.

The reason I feel bad is because I know this one girl, I know she will never love me because she is my best girl friend, but I have loved her for a couple of months. Like, very badly. Made a thread about her before in the section. Anyways, things seemed to get better, especially when I kissed with this one girl I kind of liked at the beginning of the year however I never spoke to her. We had some kind of party here, I brought her home and we kissed. However, she doesn't love me (That's what she told me afterwards), we barely know eachother, and I am pretty sure nothing's changed. I don't really love her but I wouldn't mind spending some good nights with her.

Well, today we had some thing for school so we have to do voluntary work. First thing, I screwed up things at my work because I didn't call them saying I couldn't come, so basically ignored there calls. freakin screwed that up. Then, things seemed pretty cool with that very good girl friend and my best friend today, were pretty close and stuff, thought I could stand anything she would do and didn't love her anymore, however I still can't stand her being close with someone else.. It's the feeling a brother or father has over his sister/daughter. Just wanting to protect her, kind of. Not wanting to just let her go off. I don't think I really love her but.. I have no clue.

So, today we met some guys and they kind of seemed to impress her. I know they are not the kind of people she falls for, ever, however it still hurt because I got kind of shut up and was quite silent and she was having so much fun. Every freakin time I am with girls I have the feeling I bore them. We laugh, but I always have the feeling other guys are making her laugh so much more, she wants to be with them. I am just this random guy girls can find nice but that's freakin it.

Also, because of work I am most of the times tired, so screwing up school even more. At home I have two freakin best parents, they always look after me and I am certain not many people can claim to have such loving parents, but I keep getting very upset at home, without any reason. And that makes me feel bad everytime.

I kind of feel like I wanna cry right now. Like, cry for hours and not caring about the fact I should be manlier. Just want to get off this planet. Not wanting to commit suicide but.. Just going off. Starting a journey. I want to stop living this predictable life. I want to make something out of my life, not giving a fudge what it'll be but if I ever end up getting a boring job like every person has and being just like the other billions of people on this planet, I would surely kill myself.. I am not suicidal and wouldn't do such a thing but.. Going off and starting a new life somewhere else. Like Into the Wild.. Damn.

These are pretty much my feelings at the moment, feeling like crap really. There's a lot of more stuff but I know my post would become huge. Thanks if you read this and, if you feel the same in any way, comment and I will definitely try to help you. Thanks for this amazing forum guys.

Greetings, Pontoe

[Kray]

I would suggest forgetting about the girl until you can get consistent with family and school, just to alleviate some stress.

[Koekert]

I would suggest forgetting about the girl until you can get consistent with family and school, just to alleviate some stress.

Would rather do that indeed, but forgetting is so much harder than it sounds

[Prince]

Would rather do that indeed, but forgetting is so much harder than it sounds

It isn't actually . It's about your mindset . Even I have been in such situation . You have to forget her and make a move . You can't allow this to mess your studies . Studies is more over important than her right now . If she's worth of you , she will miss you , understand you and in the future you both will get along .

[Koekert]

It isn't actually . It's about your mindset . Even I have been in such situation . You have to forget her and make a move . You can't allow this to mess your studies . Studies is more over important than her right now . If she's worth of you , she will miss you , understand you and in the future you both will get along .

I know studies are much more important and pretty much decide my whole life, but I just can't get it done. I get distracted, feel sad and lonely when not going out with friends in my spare time which I also do to forget those girls and maybe meet another girl or just try not to fall in love for a while.. Which seems pretty impossible for me.

I think I'll really have to set things straight very soon. Final tests are coming closer and if I screw things up I know I will regret it and hate myself for the rest of my life. Oh well, at least I won't hurt anyone but me that way.

The problem is my self-esteem has grown thus far I think I can get somewhere big without having to finish school and stuff. Those rich guys like Gates, Jobs etc who are freakin rich and haven't finished college don't really encourage me as well, however I know there's no chance I will ever get that far. I have the attention span of a monkey and just get distracted too easily.

[Prince]

I know studies are much more important and pretty much decide my whole life, but I just can't get it done. I get distracted, feel sad and lonely when not going out with friends in my spare time which I also do to forget those girls and maybe meet another girl or just try not to fall in love for a while.. Which seems pretty impossible for me.

I think I'll really have to set things straight very soon. Final tests are coming closer and if I screw things up I know I will regret it and hate myself for the rest of my life. Oh well, at least I won't hurt anyone but me that way.

The problem is my self-esteem has grown thus far I think I can get somewhere big without having to finish school and stuff. Those rich guys like Gates, Jobs etc who are freakin rich and haven't finished college don't really encourage me as well, however I know there's no chance I will ever get that far. I have the attention span of a monkey and just get distracted too easily.

Like I said , your mindset it like " No , I can't do it without her " because that you love her so much .

You have to do it . Just do something which you didn't while loving her i.e all these days . So that you don't get to remember her so quickly .

Hang out with friends more often than you use to normally . And yeah , A new girl isn't really a bad idea . You can opt for it .

Indulging yourself towards studies is a good idea too . Just start of with lessons / topics which you like the most . Like you said , final exams are up right ? Anyway girls are going to perform well and what about you ? Just going to sit sad all the way and mess up with exams ? Hell no !

Start studying , you'll eventually forget her and then you will feel a lot better .

[Koekert]

Thanks Prince, especially your last posted motivated me a lot to actually forget about girls for the next 2 weeks and do important stuff. The problem is, I have had those moments of motivation more often before, and when it comes to studying it's gone. Oh well, that's only me that can fix that., Thanks a lot for your effort anyways, I am sure it will help me! Just going to go crazy this night (Some festival called "Jazz in the Woods" in town, not my kind of music but there's beer and chicks, haha) and after that I guess I'll spend my weekend working and studying outside (Great weather in Holland right now )

Thanks again, Cheers!

[Prince]

Good , now good luck with your studies and before that have a great party tonight .

Hoping to see you around .