05-17-2012, 07:30 PM
Hi,
Thank you for reading in advance. Here's a little background. I was a full time college student majoring in physics (going at it again after having an encounter with addictions). I realized fall of my senior year (September 2011) that I couldn't see myself doing physics related stuff. It was way too over my head and between meetings, work and other things, it was hard to find time to immerse myself in studying. When I did immerse myself, I would get so frustrated after a time that I would start hitting myself or other things because it wasn't clicking like when the teacher presented it to us. I was having trouble paying bills as well so I looked for a full time salary job.
I got a job as a computer support engineer for a small business that paid a nice salary and benefits. They said some sales would be involved but I figured I'd get past that. Now I've been working here six months and can't stand the failing products piling up around my desk, the motivation by money and the way my boss makes everything top priority and tells me to figure out how to get it all done. I over sleep because this job isn't filling me, then I stay late and even come in on weekends sometimes and I'm still buried in work. I find myself not able to go to as many meetings for my addiction, less time for family and friends, etc. I leave the house between 8:30 and 9:30 most mornings and don't get home most nights until 10 or 11 (some nights because of work, others because of meetings).
I have a new opportunity where my friend wants me to develop a website and maintain it for a startup they're developing. I'll have 6% ownership and salary is pending once they get their funding. They want me to code now, however, and I already feel at my wits end with my current job, and all my addiction related self-help work and prayer. I want to quit my current job and exclusively code, but that runs the risk of us not getting funding, and me being out on my rear end.
This brings me to my current frustration with society. I know I can only change myself and my actions, but I feel trapped in my current job. I'm $80,000 in debt from student loans at a private university before I realized what a crock private universities were and before I hit my bottom in my addictions. By the way, why do we push every child into college? Because the banks will make money off the loans of the education that will probably be useless because someone with the same qualifications will be willing to take your job for less pay. I'll be paying between $400 and $600 a month just in loans for the next 25-30 years (I'm 24). Society has us wired to shoot high, get rich, spend it all at the mall, buy botox, buy a Mercedes, show off to all of your friends and make them jealous, abuse caffeine and nicotine so that you need doctors and you can pay their insane wages. Money = happiness, bulls**t!!!
I want a simple life where my needs are met and where I have some nice things, where I'm not fretting about work, where I love what I do. Oh, I forgot to ask, "what do I like to do?" What career is there for me that doesn't perpetuate this cyclone of crap-materialism? What doesn't perpetuate Best Buy selling me the next best thing that's so bloated down that it works just like the old version did? Engineers don't engineer anymore, they cut costs and make slight improvements to sell you something under a fancy name whose container is going to rot in some waste dump in china, while the kids there get to take it apart, breathe in toxic fumes, all in the name of mining for a small amount of precious metal in a PC.
I'm smart, I know I am even though my head tells me otherwise and beats me down on a daily basis. Where do I fit in to this world? Is everything so fast paced and sales oriented that I come off as lazy to people? Am I just going to have to grin and bear it? Or do I take a leap of faith and quit my job, while coding for this new startup making a forum for parents in the chicago land area to express concerns about their children's education in the public school system?
I want me time. I want time to date!!! I've never had a girlfriend and I'm 24. I want time to go to concerts and enjoy my family and enjoy the people in my addiction recovery program. I want time to enjoy nature and just hang out! If anyone has any input I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks,
Doug
Thank you for reading in advance. Here's a little background. I was a full time college student majoring in physics (going at it again after having an encounter with addictions). I realized fall of my senior year (September 2011) that I couldn't see myself doing physics related stuff. It was way too over my head and between meetings, work and other things, it was hard to find time to immerse myself in studying. When I did immerse myself, I would get so frustrated after a time that I would start hitting myself or other things because it wasn't clicking like when the teacher presented it to us. I was having trouble paying bills as well so I looked for a full time salary job.
I got a job as a computer support engineer for a small business that paid a nice salary and benefits. They said some sales would be involved but I figured I'd get past that. Now I've been working here six months and can't stand the failing products piling up around my desk, the motivation by money and the way my boss makes everything top priority and tells me to figure out how to get it all done. I over sleep because this job isn't filling me, then I stay late and even come in on weekends sometimes and I'm still buried in work. I find myself not able to go to as many meetings for my addiction, less time for family and friends, etc. I leave the house between 8:30 and 9:30 most mornings and don't get home most nights until 10 or 11 (some nights because of work, others because of meetings).
I have a new opportunity where my friend wants me to develop a website and maintain it for a startup they're developing. I'll have 6% ownership and salary is pending once they get their funding. They want me to code now, however, and I already feel at my wits end with my current job, and all my addiction related self-help work and prayer. I want to quit my current job and exclusively code, but that runs the risk of us not getting funding, and me being out on my rear end.
This brings me to my current frustration with society. I know I can only change myself and my actions, but I feel trapped in my current job. I'm $80,000 in debt from student loans at a private university before I realized what a crock private universities were and before I hit my bottom in my addictions. By the way, why do we push every child into college? Because the banks will make money off the loans of the education that will probably be useless because someone with the same qualifications will be willing to take your job for less pay. I'll be paying between $400 and $600 a month just in loans for the next 25-30 years (I'm 24). Society has us wired to shoot high, get rich, spend it all at the mall, buy botox, buy a Mercedes, show off to all of your friends and make them jealous, abuse caffeine and nicotine so that you need doctors and you can pay their insane wages. Money = happiness, bulls**t!!!
I want a simple life where my needs are met and where I have some nice things, where I'm not fretting about work, where I love what I do. Oh, I forgot to ask, "what do I like to do?" What career is there for me that doesn't perpetuate this cyclone of crap-materialism? What doesn't perpetuate Best Buy selling me the next best thing that's so bloated down that it works just like the old version did? Engineers don't engineer anymore, they cut costs and make slight improvements to sell you something under a fancy name whose container is going to rot in some waste dump in china, while the kids there get to take it apart, breathe in toxic fumes, all in the name of mining for a small amount of precious metal in a PC.
I'm smart, I know I am even though my head tells me otherwise and beats me down on a daily basis. Where do I fit in to this world? Is everything so fast paced and sales oriented that I come off as lazy to people? Am I just going to have to grin and bear it? Or do I take a leap of faith and quit my job, while coding for this new startup making a forum for parents in the chicago land area to express concerns about their children's education in the public school system?
I want me time. I want time to date!!! I've never had a girlfriend and I'm 24. I want time to go to concerts and enjoy my family and enjoy the people in my addiction recovery program. I want time to enjoy nature and just hang out! If anyone has any input I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks,
Doug
