Being ME

[Mysterious]

Note: This post is not organized. Ill be posting things as and when they pop in my mind. There is no particular order.

So, to begin with, I don't really need help, I just need advice and opinions.

Let me start with things I think describe me - introvert, narcissist, funny, overthinker, compulsive liar.

Narcissist because I mostly think that I am more mature than the people around me when it comes to understanding life and relationships.
Compulsive liar because I feel the need to tell white lies all the time in order to avoid arguments and drama.

I have parental issues, which is something that almost every teenager has nowadays, nothing new in it. My dad is a big time narcissist & a complete hypocrite. I wouldnt like to go into the details, at least not as of now.

I have built a shield to look 'normal'. I maintain relationships with people as needed and have quite a few friends as well with whom I hang out a lot and have fun. But, none of them are true friends. They are just people who I interact with on an almost daily to prevent from being a complete loner.

I like girls but I just don't like all the 'girlfriend' hype. I'm close to a girl and I do like her. It's gotten to a point where I want us to be more than friends but I'm too scared to name it a 'relationship'. And the bummer is that girl is not going to get a boyfriend anytime soon either. So, even if I do tell her my feelings, she will DEFINITELY say that she cant get into a relationship right now and it will probably affect the friendship we have now as well. Oh, and yes, I get a bit jealous when I see her dancing or being more close with some other guy or even being teased with someone by my other friends


I never have and probably never will tell anyone in real life what I just said above. Maybe I'm afraid to get judged, maybe I'm afraid that people will not understand me properly or treat me very differently once they come to know all these.

So, these are the different 'complexities' of my life. What do you think? Feel free to comment.

[BreShiE]

To be quite honest, in today's time, this is rather normal. It's sad, but true. I think you shouldn't look down on yourself as you seem to do though, try to point out the pros in yourself, not the cons.

[Hydrogen]

Breshiie is quite spot on. It's probably the environment you are in that influences you to be this way. The best option to do is, if you don't like it this way, then don't put yourself in the position. You can't live your life like that. I'm not going to tell you, "Go be yourself." as that never works, but always think in a positive attitude.

[Mysterious]

To be quite honest, in today's time, this is rather normal. It's sad, but true. I think you shouldn't look down on yourself as you seem to do though, try to point out the pros in yourself, not the cons.

First of all, thanks for the quick reply.
Secondly, I kind of agree with you. However, it's not that easy.
I didn't stress on the overthinking part. I keep thinking about all these feelings, one leads to another. I continuously wonder the whats and whys of all these things I said in the main post.

Also, I would appreciate any views you have about that female friend situation I spoke of in the main post.

---

Breshiie is quite spot on. It's probably the environment you are in that influences you to be this way. The best option to do is, if you don't like it this way, then don't put yourself in the position. You can't live your life like that. I'm not going to tell you, "Go be yourself." as that never works, but always think in a positive attitude.

I didn't willingly put myself in all these situations. I'm sorry, I don't understand what you were trying to say.

I do think in a positive attitude, I'm an introvert, but I'm not some extremely depressed guy even though that's what it might look like in the main post. I have no suicidal tendencies whatsoever. I know I've a few pros as well. But, these cons aka these complexities are a cause of worry for me. I can't stop thinking about all these things nowadays. As I said, I keep looking for the whats and whys of every situation.

[RDCA]

Just do it. What is the worse she can say? Women aren't stupid, chances are she already knows you like her. Even if you think she doesn't, she does. Opening up and talking with her can change a lot of things. Chances are it will help you with your other symptoms. As actually, you fit pretty well into the description of depression. Well that is a very broad term and way overused, but none the less it is true. You tell white lies to not only avoid drama, but to not sever ties with the people you have a daily basis with. You over think so many things because you are scared of loosing your friends, or even more importantly, this girl. These together is what causes the narcissism, as you are constantly thinking about everything and about loosing, your mind develops a negative connotation with life and relationships. This is why you don't see your friends as friends.

All these things can be fixed, or be improved by one thing; this girl. You most tell her how you feel. By doing this you will strengthen the bond between you two. Allowing you to be able to regain the positive outlook. Just wear your heart on your sleeve, and don't worry so much. You can always walk up to anybody and make a friend.

[Mysterious]

To RDCA:

What is the worse she can say?

She can say that she doesnt want to be in a relationship right now. But, that's not the point. The fact that she would know that I like her and want to be more than friends would create an awkward situation and harm our currently good friendship.

You tell white lies to not only avoid drama,
but to not sever ties with the people you have a
daily basis with.

Yes, but is that bad?

These together is what causes the narcissism

My narcissism is caused just because I think (and maybe I do) have a more mature understanding of the life and relationships around me. I think I usually handle serious things more maturely than others my age. I don't think it has anything to do with the girl.

This is why you don't see your friends as friends

I don't see my friends as true friends cause none of them are close to me, except this girl maybe. I know that they are not close, that's not just pessimism.

---

Also, I don't see what would be the outcome of telling a girl that I like her when I know for sure that she won't get into a relationship anytime soon?
Plus, as I said, I'm not sure if what I want is a relationship too. I'm just scared of getting into a 'relationships'. They are just too many expectations and formalities from what I've seen.

[DAMINK™]

Lies of any type are wrong. Be them "white lies" or big lies.
I personally cant distinguish between the 2. Both are lies. People dont like liers. You need to work on that IMO.
I make a point of never lying. To not comment on something is better than to lie.
I could go on but i honestly feel this is an important point.
You make a point of telling us you openly lie to difuse a situation which tells me your comfortable doing this.

[Koekert]

I can relate to almost everything of that, especially the girl part. Being jealous is a human thing, I can't stand it when someone is being very close with my crush either, but I guess you can not do anything about it. My crush also wouldn't get a bf anytime soon, and I'm very close with her as well. I guess you'll just have to tell her your feelings, I'm gonna do that as well. Good luck with anything, dude!

[Mysterious]

Lies of any type are wrong. Be them "white lies" or big lies.
I personally cant distinguish between the 2. Both are lies. People dont like liers. You need to work on that IMO.
I make a point of never lying. To not comment on something is better than to lie.
I could go on but i honestly feel this is an important point.
You make a point of telling us you openly lie to difuse a situation which tells me your comfortable doing this.

My lies have never harmed/hurt anyone. All they have done is avoid nonsense arguments and drama. I don't see what's so bad about it. The situations I'm in when I lie are not the ones where I can choose to not comment; and yes, as much as I don't like to admit it, I'm comfortable doing it.
And nothing personal to you, but I just have a hard time believing people who say they never lie.

I can relate to almost everything of that, especially the girl part. Being jealous is a human thing, I can't stand it when someone is being very close with my crush either, but I guess you can not do anything about it. My crush also wouldn't get a bf anytime soon, and I'm very close with her as well. I guess you'll just have to tell her your feelings, I'm gonna do that as well. Good luck with anything, dude!

I would like to say the same thing I said to RDCA in the previous post:

"Also, I don't see what would be the outcome of telling a girl that I like her when I know for sure that she won't get into a relationship anytime soon?
Plus, as I said, I'm not sure if what I want is a relationship too. I'm just scared of getting into a 'relationships'. They are just too many expectations and formalities from what I've seen. "

[Koekert]

Yes, I still can't think of a reason why I would tell that girl when I know the answer beforehand. But really, if you don't ask her and wait for too long, and she gets into another relationship, you will feel very stupid. Believe me, it happened too many times to me before, and not going to let that happen again! C'mon dude!