Me, Girls, and Logic

[Zionoxis]

Hey guys, this will basically be part rant and broken into a few parts. First of all, I do not think I am that bad looking of a guy, 5'10", brown short hair, and I have a decent build. Not extremely skinny, but enough to look normal. I do have acne, but I have seen plenty of guys get girls with theirs so I figure it is not too much of a big deal. As for extra information, if anyone has ever heard of MBTI, I am an extroverted INTP (not extroverted enough for ENTP). Anyhow, I have recently been debating on if I want a girlfriend or not.

It seems that every time I seem to warm up to a girl and she responds, I always randomly stop, back away, and forget about it. My emotions tell me that sex/love is the only way. While I understand that I am a teen and hormones are nothing but a pain in the ass, no matter how much logic I use to prove why a girl would be a bad idea, my happiness is taking a serious hit. I almost feel that I need a serious relationship just once in high school (I'm a senior) and I could solve this once and for all. So, for the first question, is it even worth it?

Now, there is a girl that I am interested in and I think she may be interested in me. Excuse my hyper-analysis which is going to inevitably come, but take the information I provide how you will (since I am asking you all for advice anyway). Firstly, I have known this girl for a few years through church and school, and she is rather introverted (to an extent). As of recently, we have been texting a bit and I went with her and her little sister to a fair. Her little sister and her mom went off on their own thing and she and I went to hang out. During which time, I made her laugh, we held hands on a couple of the rides (lame I know, but what can I do?), and had a pretty good time. It has been a few weeks and we have been talking off and on, I have tried to flirt by complimenting her (the best I can). Currently, I went off on edge and tried texting something to the scheme of 'if anyone has told her that she looks really pretty' to get a response. She was quiet for about 3 hours (which scared the hell out of me as I wasn't sure if it could be interpreted as creeper) and she eventually said thank you and laughed. Second question, do I even have a chance and what the hell do I do? My entire brain is focused on systems, logic, and plain facts. Social nuances scare the hell out of me.

I need help...like, an instruction manual help. Please.

[Facade]

Well, I'm very similar to you. For one thing, I can tell you're definitely frustrated over the fact that emotions/hormones can't be measured, and there's nothing that gives a 'textbook definition' (as in an equation, definition, formula, measurements, etc) and I have to say that it's very hard to differentiate between logic and feelings. Really, no one actually knows what a person's like that you're interested in, because there's a very high chance that you're hormones are clouding your judgment.

For me, I'm extremely analytical and I get extremely frustrated when I have no idea what the other person is thinking, and I completely lose sight of things. I have to know how to respond to certain situations because I've blocked out my hormones for a very long time (I'm 15, and no I don't have ED or any of that mumbo jumbo) and every time I act on 'instinct' I end up screwing up and coming on too strong. I always use logic and proper understanding, and I never go for something unless I'm completely sure. And yet another thing that I have in common, I also respond then back off suddenly sometimes, because I'm unsure.

Anyways, it would probably be a good idea to try to get in a relationship with her, but you HAVE to make sure to create the perfect structure/support before you try to do anything else. If you want 'love', you have to truly know the person inside and out, including their personality, past experiences, minor/major secrets, possible feelings, etc. If you come on just focused on wowing her and trying to solely go out with her based only on looks, then that's just lust. Try to take it to a more personal level, and stop progress on the "Hey, I'm letting you know that I'm interested in you and want to go out with you."

If you do, then you'll end up getting a strong friendship and there'll be a very easy transition from friendship to relationship. For one thing, a friendship/relationship is like a crescendo. You have to start out soft, and get loud. You can't just walk up to a random girl and kiss her, because then you'll probably get slapped or she'll press charges. You have to make sure to build up on what you're doing. Start out with the smaller things like complimenting (And I've noticed you've done that), then before moving forward with even stronger hints, you give her a chance to respond the same way. It's kinda like asking if she's interested in you but it's very subtle.

For instance, even though it's awesome to show confidence, if you ever get in a bad mood then just make sure to talk to her about why you're upset/depressed/sad/whatever. Then you can see if she cares about you because she'll try comforting/reassuring/cheering you up. You've got to make sure to do that on your end first though, because then she'll be more obligated to act as she'll feel she needs to return the favor.

In order to get started with more personal things, like getting to know her, start off with stating a firm belief of yours. Whether it's your religion, or something similar, then since you didn't ask her and you just told her she'll probably respond with a related belief of hers. Since you didn't straight up ask her about a firm belief of hers, she won't feel like your coming on too strong or trying to pry information out of her. Whenever you get to know her better then you'll be better at predicting her actions, knowing what she's thinking, and it will help greatly in developing a better bond (and trust)


I know I could've simply answered your questions with a simple yes or no, that wouldn't have truly helped you out, because that may only give you a little reassurance. I've got school in the morning and I'll probably be reading this thread tomorrow, so if you look back at this and decide to reply then I'll be watching this like a hawk ready to post.

[kebralt]

One thing you want to do is woo her in, without her knowing you like her. Then she will feel she needs you more. I reccomend reading a book called "The Mystery Method." It's all about this kind of stuff.