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First attempt at poetry
#1
So, this is my first attempt at poetry, since I am new and likely haven't done that good of a job on it, I'd like some feedback on this piece that. I don't care if you think it sucks, just try and make some constructive criticism on it so I can improve.
Let me start of first by saying the theme beyond this poem is a war that was fought for 1000 years and finally lost, starting a new life in the end for future generations.

--
1000 Year War

Acceptance of darkness
The heart and soul of one man's son
The 1000 year struggle is over
The people have won

It starts again
Sacrifice of blood and tears
Eyes against nothing
Everyone's overwhelming fears

Battlefield covered in blood
Blinded by the night
Vanish forever
Into the infinite light

Eyes of the heavens watch over
Hand of the almighty sun
The old era is over
A new has begun

--

So am I on the right path on writing poetry or is my approach totally off?
"Don't treat life as a losing battle, but as an ongoing challenge."
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#2
It was nice, a good read Chris. I think you are on the right track, this was good for your first attempt too.
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#3
Not bad, you've got a good rhyme scheme, and you switch it up at the end with doubles. Good attempt
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#4
Pretty good for a first attempt man.
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#5
I should take some advice from you! Im in poetry class this year and Im not really creative nor am I a good rhymer. Ill pm you if I have any questions. Smile
Sig removed. Not appropriate for SF.
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#6
Just study the structure here, he's got a really good setup.

Rhyme scheme until the last paragraph is: abcb
Then it becomes: abab

Each letter describes the last word in the line of the paragraph, same letters mean those lines have last words that rhyme with each other. It's a common method for a simple poem, and you'll see that a lot.
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#7
I enjoyed that.
War poetry tends to turn out good, no matter what.
Continue writing, I'd like to see more from you Smile
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#8
Thats very good for a first attempt Hуѕтєяιa!
The Most Electrifying Man!
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#9
Thanks for the comments everyone. I am going to write more and maybe when I get more time, some stories as well. It's been a while so I want to start doing it again, really keeps me in a relaxed, good mood.
"Don't treat life as a losing battle, but as an ongoing challenge."
[Image: df0oS.png]
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#10
This was actually a great poem, we just started our poetry unit in class today and I'm actually beginning to like it.
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