I am obsessing over a prof at college!!!!!!

[AceInfinity]

PS: More than the crush, I'm more concerned about my self-image. What if he suspects something and/or thinks me as clingy and needy? I'm so ashamed. :cry:

He won't suspect anything, what kind of proof does he have on you now for what is really going on?

You need confidence, it's human nature to use all the "what if's" in the world but most of the time it's not true, in the end it still is just an assumption. It's a human reaction to fear and being afraid. Nothing out of the ordinary, but you know what you want, what's stopping you from just going over and giving him a box of chocolates?

Start off by giving a quick apology and say that you hope he isn't mad, you just messed up on your phone or something like that. Then you can give him the box of chocolates and thank him for being such a good prof to you.

I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your self-image. It's just people become over aware of the way they are when they are stressed or afraid of something.

"What if" "but" "I can't" and even "I'll try" can be dangerous words to use.

[Guest]

Btw, thanks again for looking in. Meant a LOT to me.

[AceInfinity]

A little more information here:

As I understand, my infatuation stems from a curiosity.I feel an indomitable urge to understand him and his negative behaviours in class. On one hand, he's all that (judgmental, egoistic, unfair etc) and on the other, charismatic and genius-like. I want, as I understand, to find out what causes him to behave negatively like that. I'd spent time lazily pondering over the contradictions, and for some reason become "fascinated" with them. Like, it had almost become a "challenge" for me to go and figure him out. This was the main root of my obsession which gradually turned into a crush. I know that nothing is possible between him and me, but I AT-LEAST wanted to strike up a warm, cordial relationship with him. And that's what is paining me the most. Like, I was planning to go up to him and ask him to explain certain topics on my course, but now I cannot do that any more. I cannot show my face to him anymore.What did he think of me??

You need to just tell yourself to relax here.

Nothing is really bad about what just happened, but if you noticed, you're asking a lot of questions now. This is a reaction that people generally have as a security impulse so that we don't get "hurt". People make up all the reasons for why they can't do something, even though it could most definitely be achievable.

"Like, I was planning to go up to him and ask him to explain certain topics on my course, but now I cannot do that any more" - Why not? He is your prof, you can lighten the mood by giving an apology, and even a gift if you want, something really small. But realize he is human too. We all have feelings, and i'm sure it will make his day better knowing that you at least care about whether he was mad or not, trust me. The more you don't do anything about it, the more damage it can do than what you think, as opposed to actually confronting him. Because on the other end, he could be thinking the exact same things... "I wonder if she did something on purpose to let me get all of those calls?"

NOT A BIG DEAL though I get in trouble sometimes with miscommunication with other females, but after I go up and talk to them about it, they usually understand.

Guys are the same way, We have feelings too.

Btw, thanks again for looking in. Meant a LOT to me.

No problem btw

[Guest]

Yeah, I'd do that, but you read the kind of person he is...And because of the fact we reported him to the authorities and he was barred from correcting our papers for that semester, he took it VERY HARD. He knows I was amongst the people who were against him, and so.... I would do that chocolate thing if it were somebody else. As my classmate reported, he's still not gotten over that hurt, so approaching him with something would make him bark at me. Trust me, I know the kind of person he is. He's uber-friendly with people who are "close" to him, and more-than-blunt to people who're less than favoured.

You see now where things went wrong.

[Guest]

He's also reportedly said, "seriously, why won't they (referring to my class as a whole) let me some peace now"?

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I know, maybe I'm assuming too much, but I'm saying this because I KNOW who he is, trust me.

Is it still possible for me to go up to him and look him in the face?

[AceInfinity]

He's also reportedly said, "seriously, why won't they (referring to my class as a whole) let me some peace now"?

---

I know, maybe I'm assuming too much, but I'm saying this because I KNOW who he is, trust me.

Is it still possible for me to go up to him and look him in the face?

If you're sincere about it, he will probably accept you for being up front with him. I can say that

He might be a little hard to convince at first, because I would wonder why you're starting to apologize or something like that to me if there was a history like that lol.

Although if I found out that you were serious then I wouldn't be harsh on you for trying.

I say go for it, if you don't you'll miss the chance anyway, so what are you afraid of? It really just comes down to "fail"ing. But in this case, think of it this way. If you don't, you'll fail anyway, so 100% chance of failing if you don't take that shot at it, as opposed to a better chance if you do.

It is only fear stopping you.

Here's a quote:

"You'll miss every shot you don't take"

[Guest]

Actually, there's a little history here that I wanted to avoid mentioning initially, but now that I'm caught in a trap, I'd better:

It was during those days when the "movement" was in its full swing. Carried away by the heat of the moment of those happenings, me and two other friends decided to do something we'd, or I would, regret soon later. The three of us decided to send mocking e-mails to his account. Nothing too bad, just harmless, but lightly insulting stuff, mostly about his in-class behavior. We'd sent the mails, by our short-sightedness. from MY computer. As luck would have it, he declared in class that he'd have one of his pals in the police dept to track those mails. We'd written nothing too bad, but still we got scared stiff. No option was left but to own up and apology. When we went to meet him, the meeting, however, went fairly well. We'd had a discussion on in-class affairs and what he felt about the points we'd submitted against him etc etc. We, on our part, pointed out politely what we did not like about the way he talked and behaved in class. The whole thing ended amicably, with us submitting an apology letter.

That was in February, five months from now. I didn't have this crush on him then. When I started getting these feelings over him, I decided to take an initiative and build up a friendly light-hearted relationship with him by taking academic material to him to be explained. Since he's no longer teaching us, I'd been planning the way I'd do it....but now that I did this blunder (phone), there's no way I can go up to him AGAIN.

What do you think? I said everything now.

---

LOL, please don't be mad at me now.

[AceInfinity]

Actually, there's a little history here that I wanted to avoid mentioning initially, but now that I'm caught in a trap, I'd better:

It was during those days when the "movement" was in its full swing. Carried away by the heat of the moment of those happenings, me and two other friends decided to do something we'd, or I would, regret soon later. The three of us decided to send mocking e-mails to his account. Nothing too bad, just harmless, but lightly insulting stuff, mostly about his in-class behavior. We'd sent the mails, by our short-sightedness. from MY computer. As luck would have it, he declared in class that he'd have one of his pals in the police dept to track those mails. We'd written nothing too bad, but still we got scared stiff. No option was left but to own up and apology. When we went to meet him, the meeting, however, went fairly well. We'd had a discussion on in-class affairs and what he felt about the points we'd submitted against him etc etc. We, on our part, pointed out politely what we did not like about the way he talked and behaved in class. The whole thing ended amicably, with us submitting an apology letter.

That was in February, five months from now. I didn't have this crush on him then. When I started getting these feelings over him, I decided to take an initiative and build up a friendly light-hearted relationship with him by taking academic material to him to be explained. Since he's no longer teaching us, I'd been planning the way I'd do it....but now that I did this blunder (phone), there's no way I can go up to him AGAIN.

What do you think? I said everything now.

---

LOL, please don't be mad at me now.

I still think that the "second chance" thing is a cliche'. People are willing to forgive to some extent.

I'd say you still have a chance. Get him to understand that you have matured more in the past while, and make a sincere apology to him saying that it was a mistake, get him some chocolates to lock it in. That way if he doesn't believe you, he'll eventually start thinking about why you took the time to go and get something for him, and that's where the conclusion will kick in for him that you really do mean it.

I'm sure you can get him to understand that people aren't always the most mature people at times, especially as young adults, use that to back up the reason for making your apology to him.

Saying that you can't anymore is giving up before you have any proof that he won't. As for now they still look to me like assumptions. I'd say you've got nothing to lose, if you need to build up the self encouragement (or self esteem) to go talk to him, then why not watch a comedy movie? Do something you love to do the day before you plan to do this. Don't forget to smile, tell yourself that no matter what happens that you still gave it your best and you'll feel happy about that.

If you wake up, the rest of the day is based on how the day starts. Walk up to the mirror in the bathroom or something, and smile at yourself, take a metal compliment or something, and tell yourself that it's going to be a good day today. Might be awkward, but your day is really what you make of it. That's why i'm telling you this stuff.

You control your own emotions, and you set your own limits. If you say you can't do something, then you won't do it because you've already said that you can't. It's like building yourself a wall and barricading yourself indoors. Do anything to not end up doing that lol.

Good luck Any more information you can provide i'll try to comment on and advise you

[Guest]

I see what you mean. Do you think a written apology would do? like if I write out a letter and slip it under his bag when he's out of office for a brief second? Just thinking.

[+mK]

He's just another guy, bro. Don't worry about it - simply learn to know him as your professor, not a friend or anything above, or beside that.