Greetings.
First of all, please note that if you keep going the path you are at right now, then you'll end up becoming suicidal. Why do you care for someone so much, that didn't even care about your feelings in the first place? You should be able to move on from that. Don't think about him leaving you, but allowing it to sink in so you can build a new wall up for another boy if you do find another boy.
Quote:I was so upset that I crawled into bed with my Mom at 4:00am, bawling.
Since your mom saw you crying, then she is highly concerned. Don't get your parents into this because all they will do is just investigate the situation more and more, and they will just give you a harder time by asking a lot of questions of what happened as oppose to you crying that night.
Well, like I said, use the hatred and use it for building blocks. You obviously
can't stop talking to him, because you still have feelings for him. That's why, you can't stop talking to him even though you tried to cut him out of your life. Your anxiety has made you come up to this point. However, if you don't talk to him for sometime, then your feelings will soon go away. Yeah you'll still think about him, but you will also at the same time, be moving on and maybe developing feelings for another guy who will treat you the right way this time. Just make sure, that the next guy, that you don't let down your guard so easily, and if he loves you a lot then he will respect that statement.
Just force yourself to stop talking to him because this is where the common sense would come in. If you keep talking to him over and over, you will become more depressed, and come to a point that you'll develop more feelings for him than it already is. You might not accept that fact, but you will. Just think about it.
Quote:Nearly 4 years of lies. But I can't bring myself to move on.
Obviously. You guys had been going out for a huge amount of time. You expected that your feelings would go away so suddenly, but you can't because of the 4 years. In that time frame, you guys had many
memories with each other that you guys cherished. But you can't let that go yet because you are still reminicing about the memories that you both shared. The kisses, the laughs, everything. You are going to be more sad after you had read that, but it is the truth. You can't expect that spark that you guys had to dim down so easily. He still cares, because it's the same situation for him also. Well, maybe.
Quote:When I leave the house, I feel uncomfortable because I feel like breaking down in tears at any given moment.
It's not like the people on this forum can tell you to stop crying. You have to do it yourself manually. If things get really bad, which it sounds like it is going down that bath, then I suggest to go to a therapist personally, because we are only online people, but you would have someone in person to help you, and monitor you so that you don't go to a point where you just want to die.
People will say that it's just a guy and they can't believe that you are becoming this way over a guy. But it's been 4 years. You just got to a point where you found out where everything was just a lie for 4 god damn years. I know that I would had given less sympathy if you guys were going out for a little time, but I've said legit
everything that has been on my mind about this situation. That's all I can offer for now. Sorry if I wasn't a big help.
GoodLuck!
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Brandenx781
HJT Team. Deltron <3 RDCA <3 Quintus <3