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03-17-2011, 12:52 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2011, 12:54 AM by monique12345.)
OK I will step very slow on this. Mous i did not quite get what you meant with your post. Would you mind clarifying this please for me? Thanks
OK I will step very slow on this. Mous i did not quite get what you meant with your post. Would you mind clarifying this please for me? Thanks
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(03-17-2011, 12:52 AM)monique12345 Wrote: OK I will step very slow on this. Mous i did not quite get what you meant with your post. Would you mind clarifying this please for me? Thanks
OK I will step very slow on this. Mous i did not quite get what you meant with your post. Would you mind clarifying this please for me? Thanks
I mean even discussing leaving someone you've been with
for 11 years for someone you meet 5 weeks ago is...
Kind of appalling, in my opinion.
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I see I have not made myself clear. I am not thinking of leaving anyone or being with anyone. Situation is much more complex. I am open with my partner and the reason of seeking support is to be able to think out loud to sort out my own emotons. My partner and I love each other but we have gone from being lovers to great friends. I trust him a dnam very honest with him. I do not experience the feelings I have no with anyone i meet, it just happened and maybe it is because i have longed for this feeling for a number of years. My partner and I have discussed that we seemed to have lost with each other and he thinks it is due to moving countries and so forth. however, he is also ver stressed about his work which means he never switches off. I am tired and frustrated to not be noticed and it was wonderful to be noticed after so long. I am just now being very cautious as this new guy may not be right for me, i also do not want to hurt anyone. Though I feel i have been unhappy for awhile and i am sick of it. I take the advice to go slow and see what happens. I hope my partner and i find each other again. The class finishes in 3 weeks and i hope i can stop thinking of the new guy. If not, then I have no clue what to do. All I know is when this new guy ignored me, i was incredibly hurt that my emotions consumed me. Now he wants to be friends and thinks i am really nice, i felt relieved and happy. It worries me that my emotions are so controlled my someone i hardly know, yet feel so connected too. it helps to talk it out in anycase and keep talking it out as playing it in my own mind has been driving me crazy. I long for my man to hold me like i am the only person in the room, rather than feel it to be a chore or keep asking for it. I think something is strange in doing that and I am fed up with it. I am scared of feeling this way as he has been a safety net and trustworthy one for 11 years, sticking with me through thick and thin. But I do not want to have just a best friend, but a lover too. If i dont get that then what am i supposed to do?
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(03-17-2011, 03:05 AM)monique12345 Wrote: I see I have not made myself clear. I am not thinking of leaving anyone or being with anyone. Situation is much more complex. I am open with my partner and the reason of seeking support is to be able to think out loud to sort out my own emotons. My partner and I love each other but we have gone from being lovers to great friends. I trust him a dnam very honest with him. I do not experience the feelings I have no with anyone i meet, it just happened and maybe it is because i have longed for this feeling for a number of years. My partner and I have discussed that we seemed to have lost with each other and he thinks it is due to moving countries and so forth. however, he is also ver stressed about his work which means he never switches off. I am tired and frustrated to not be noticed and it was wonderful to be noticed after so long. I am just now being very cautious as this new guy may not be right for me, i also do not want to hurt anyone. Though I feel i have been unhappy for awhile and i am sick of it. I take the advice to go slow and see what happens. I hope my partner and i find each other again. The class finishes in 3 weeks and i hope i can stop thinking of the new guy. If not, then I have no clue what to do. All I know is when this new guy ignored me, i was incredibly hurt that my emotions consumed me. Now he wants to be friends and thinks i am really nice, i felt relieved and happy. It worries me that my emotions are so controlled my someone i hardly know, yet feel so connected too. it helps to talk it out in anycase and keep talking it out as playing it in my own mind has been driving me crazy. I long for my man to hold me like i am the only person in the room, rather than feel it to be a chore or keep asking for it. I think something is strange in doing that and I am fed up with it. I am scared of feeling this way as he has been a safety net and trustworthy one for 11 years, sticking with me through thick and thin. But I do not want to have just a best friend, but a lover too. If i dont get that then what am i supposed to do?
That's not an answer we can really give you, only *you* know what's best for you. Quite honestly, I'm going to tell you to try to rekindle that love, that's the type of person I am. If you *have* tried, and you *can't* you're going to have to figure out what to do from there. I can't really tell you what to do in that situation. What would be best for you *and* him?
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Thank you MOUS. You are right. I am going to give it time. 11yrs is worth it and he is a good man. Good men are very hard to find and i follow my head over my heart on this one and hopefully good times come back with my heart feeling content soon. I feelt good with this decision. Many thanks for all who have given me sound advice.
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So I have decided not to allow myself to be manipulated. However, the truth is that I do have some feelings for this new guy. WHat it is I have no idea but to be honest to myself, I wish to understand it and slowly explore it. Question is how without ruining any potential good friendship and in the process hurt myself. I am quite a traditional person and I am blown away to be feeling like this. The feeling of my heart is aching, longing to be held by this guy and kissed. Just to be close to him and hold him and vice versa. I am not experienced to understand what this feeling is, but i know that i feel alive to feel like this. it starts to feel painful however, hence the confusion. I will not do anything stupid and be rational. I am just letting my inner most emotions out to understand them. I will take things slow to try and not hurt anyone. How can I subtly show that i like this new guy i first pushed away? I hate to ruin a friendship.
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(03-17-2011, 08:37 PM)monique12345 Wrote: So I have decided not to allow myself to be manipulated. However, the truth is that I do have some feelings for this new guy. WHat it is I have no idea but to be honest to myself, I wish to understand it and slowly explore it. Question is how without ruining any potential good friendship and in the process hurt myself. I am quite a traditional person and I am blown away to be feeling like this. The feeling of my heart is aching, longing to be held by this guy and kissed. Just to be close to him and hold him and vice versa. I am not experienced to understand what this feeling is, but i know that i feel alive to feel like this. it starts to feel painful however, hence the confusion. I will not do anything stupid and be rational. I am just letting my inner most emotions out to understand them. I will take things slow to try and not hurt anyone. How can I subtly show that i like this new guy i first pushed away? I hate to ruin a friendship.
Mm, I don't really know how to help you.
I guess I don't understand your situation very well, so I'm having a hard
time thinking of what to say.
The man you've been with for 11 years, you two aren't together any more?
Is that what you mean by "Just friends"? I don't understand how you're
"just friends" and still with him.
If you ARE still with him, and you're just having a low point in your
relationship, I suggest you try to fix that relationship rather than
try to go farther with the guy you've known for 5 weeks.
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I have been with a guy for 11 yrs and we have become more like roomates than anything else. This new guy comes into my life and notices me and for a long time i notice someone else. I have been trying with my partner for 4 years and it does not seem to feel any better. He is a good man but the feeling or spark seems to be just gone which we both agreed on. being loyal I have stuck it out this long but am not truely happy and am finally now admitting that without fear in admitting it to myself. I have been saying it to my partner but he is tired with his work and I am fed up with how he lets external factors affect the relationship all the time. I love to have a good time, laugh and all that. I have not had that for a long time. My partner is definately my best friend and we love each other but not in love anymore. It seems simpler to not officially do anything about it than to be physically alone in a new country I guess. I just been blown away by this new guy and like his forwardness and boldness. Most guys are too nervous to approach me and he just went for it which I found great and now want more off. But I pished him away and he has backed off now as I wanted to think things through before hurting anyone. I have no idea if this new guy is genuine, seems so, but I worry that he just wants a quick fling. But he seems to really like me for respecting my wishes which is not my wish anymore. I do like to explore it as i have not felt like this before, ever. But being inexperienced, i have no clue what my feelings are - crush or more serious than that.
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Bit of an update. I sawe the guy in class yesterday. I could for the first time look him in the eyes. Funny enough he is not as strong when you look him in the eyes. I spoke to a girlfriend whom i confided in of what is going on. She was surprised and also felt him looking at her (probably that is how he looks at woman). All she said was she thinks he is damaged and she finds she puts a wall up to him as alarm bells go off with this guy. She thinks he is on some kind of drug as he is highly strung often with a very strange vulnerability. Strangely, i like him, but i confess form yesterday, i do not like him as much as i thought. Blimey i was obessessing before and it may be cos i felt lonely and this guy showed some attention. For him it is just physical. he did not go home with me like normal. He complimented me and I thanked him but ran away and left him standing. During the break we met in a coffee shop as i went down with the girls and out of surprise i hugged him. He froze up like strangnely hugging a rock. he looks at me with such intensity and it is safe to say he is messed up. Plenty of guys who are safer to be with that can also make you feel special and beautiful with the same look. One that is not emotionally manipulative and less creepy. Probably creepy is the wrong word. I guess, I am so fascinated with this human being that I like to understand him, like a physchology case study. First time i was happy and he was strange. I think the woman is right that he wants contact on his grounds and he is confuused as to why i am happy. An advice i took from you all. Continued support is appreciated in understanding this guy more to better deal with him in the future. By this i mean, not being strung along and hooked almost ebcause i strangely like him for some reason. Maybe my nurturing side just comes out. What do you guys think is happening here?
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