should i or shouldnt i ??

[darkpsy]

Hi All

Well im in a bit of a spot here as im unsure what to do! I know what i want to do, but dont know if its the right thing to do??

Basically my marriage of 14 years ended just over 4 years ago, how it happened was i did not see it coming at all, there were no signs and i thought all was good. But my ex ended it saying she didnt love me and i had to leave. This hurt me alot at the time and threw my life into chaos. But now im in a happy relationship of the best part of a year, and my new partner loves me so much and i never thought i could be so happy. I thought i had moved on but to be honest im scared of showing my love and dont know how to anymore! It feels like all my emotions has been ripped from me which is scary! I have talked to her about it but not truely opend up about the scars that run deep in me. I should say i am over my ex, i wouldnt go back to her if she begged me. But i really dont know how to move on. All i feel for my ex is deep hatred i know i should get over this but i hate her so much. One thing is i have never had chance to tell my ex how i feel and what she did to me, im thinking i should write her a letter telling her everything. I dont know if its the right thing to do but i deeply want to tell her alot of things. It wouldnt be a threat or anything, but i feel like i have to do it to move on. Is this wrong? Should i let her know what she has done? I have 2 kids from her who i rarely see (due to her refusing to let me see them and distance) But i am in contact with them both using the net and phone.

Im confussed and really dont know what to do.

[GrammarPhreak]

You should write the letter, get it off your mind. Forgive "her" for what she did & move on. Forgiveness is for you, not for the other person.

[Locke]

It will surprise you how much this letter might ease your mind.
Remember that you are doing it for yourself, because you need to get it out.

[RDCA]

Yea write a letter, pour your heart into it. Then if you really want to get dramtic take some blood and got wax and a stamp than stamp it shout. and mail it to her.

[Eve]

Alternatively, you could write in a journal so that you are not tempted to mail a letter. It will also be beneficial for you to identify key points, which is important for purposes of resolving hurt and hate, whether with your personal support system or professional psychotherapists.

[Duzzlight]

Yeah, it might not be a good idea to send the letter. Write it out though, and pour your heart and soul into it. Allow that letter to represent everything she did to you, and how it is still with you.

And here's something that's helped me. After doing that, tie the letter to a heavy rock. Carry the rock with you wherever you go. To bed, the shower, to the car, groceries, etc. Sure you might look a bit ridiculous, but you'll understand why you're going to be doing this shortly. It will make sense.

How did your new girlfriend react to your fear of opening up?

[Mous]

I would honestly say, write the letter, just don't send her anything.
Opening old wounds doesn't always help, and she may not even read your letter.
Not trying to be a downer, but that's just how things like this tend to go.
I would say write a letter that will never be sent, and then
spend your time focusing on your new woman, and trying to do the things with
her that you never did/could with the other, or maybe you*did* do, just she didn't appreciate them.

[Guest]

Thanks for the replies and support

Today i have started to talk with my partner about it. Its hard putting it into words tho. I have told her that i still have some emotional baggage from that brake up. Which i have now realized and that im dealing with it. I know realizing the source of a problem is the 1st step to sorting it out. I have made it clear to her that i do not hold any feelings for my ex at all. But i still have a few problems which has come from it. I explained what i feel about being scared to love and show my feelings because of the hurt and pain i have from it, and was suprised for her to tell me that she feels a lot of love from me and i do show her love. I have to admit i didnt think i did. I do love her so much and we are soul mates. I deeply know and feel im more close and at one with her than i ever was in the 14 years i was with my ex. Today i have made a appointment to see a counselor and hopefully they will be able to help more. Just writing this has helped alot.

Im still not sure what to do about the letter. Deep down i want to write it and let my ex know about how things have effected me because of her actions and the damage she has done etc etc. I really do feel letting her know will help me i think she needs to know, i want her to know! I think once that has been done and at the end of the letter i will be able to forgive her for it and then i will forget it and move on. Now some say just writing it and not sending it will help, well i have wrote that letter lots of times before and never sent it, didnt do any good to be honset as im still feeling like this! Another thing is i have found is my old wedding ring. God knows why i help onto it for so long. So was thinking it might help if i shout and vent what im feeling then throw it into a lake or the sea it is not worth much, or i could give it to my daughter??? not sure.

love n light all
x

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oops forgot to login to post that! <blush>

[Mous]

Thanks for the replies and support

Today i have started to talk with my partner about it. Its hard putting it into words tho. I have told her that i still have some emotional baggage from that brake up. Which i have now realized and that im dealing with it. I know realizing the source of a problem is the 1st step to sorting it out. I have made it clear to her that i do not hold any feelings for my ex at all. But i still have a few problems which has come from it. I explained what i feel about being scared to love and show my feelings because of the hurt and pain i have from it, and was suprised for her to tell me that she feels a lot of love from me and i do show her love. I have to admit i didnt think i did. I do love her so much and we are soul mates. I deeply know and feel im more close and at one with her than i ever was in the 14 years i was with my ex. Today i have made a appointment to see a counselor and hopefully they will be able to help more. Just writing this has helped alot.

Im still not sure what to do about the letter. Deep down i want to write it and let my ex know about how things have effected me because of her actions and the damage she has done etc etc. I really do feel letting her know will help me i think she needs to know, i want her to know! I think once that has been done and at the end of the letter i will be able to forgive her for it and then i will forget it and move on. Now some say just writing it and not sending it will help, well i have wrote that letter lots of times before and never sent it, didnt do any good to be honset as im still feeling like this! Another thing is i have found is my old wedding ring. God knows why i help onto it for so long. So was thinking it might help if i shout and vent what im feeling then throw it into a lake or the sea it is not worth much, or i could give it to my daughter??? not sure.

love n light all
x

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oops forgot to login to post that! <blush>

If you think that you could handle whatever reciprocation comes from
writing the letter, then do so. That's pretty much the only way you should,
if you feel that writing such a thing, and receiving a hateful one in return
will make you tear up/feel emotional pain then don't. That's something you'll
have to figure out. All depends on what you really feel.

Best of luck to you, no matter what happens. Also, if all else fails,
give all the love to the woman you're with now to replace that which you
feel like you didn't/couldn't to the other. She'll appreciate that.

[Eve]

Although you have a strong desire to send the letter, you must resist it. If you still feel such strong negative emotions, nothing good will come out of delivering such a message. I urge you to think of your children and to restrain yourself from opening that conversation, until your feelings of hate are far, far less than now.