Lack of Confidence/Identity

[Impurity]

Hey SupportForums.

So, lemme give you a quick background. I'm 17, soon to be 18. My home life is complete crap (bet you hear that a lot). My mom (divorced) bitches at me over everything. I get in trouble for stuff I didn't even do. I have reason to believe she's OCD and Bi Polar, but has never been diagnosed. I've learned to deal with it and just ignore her, but sometimes I end up losing it and screaming back. At school I used to be outgoing and popular (middle school). We moved cross state and since I feell ike I'm kind of out of place. I'm more secleuded. I don't have as many friends, I'm that quiet kid in class. It got to the point in my freshman year that I just stopped going to school. I would fake being sick everyday (yes they fell for it). I was put on medical homebound, and I blossomed on the internet. I had friends, people related to me. I felt at home.

Sophmore year I went for about half the year, and ended up doing the same thing. I think it's because of the lack of relationships (in middle school, I was a player :3). After that bout of homebound, I decided I would actually go and try to re do myself. Become popular, get more friends, and get a girlfriend.

Junior year comes around and I'm feeling great. I'm an upper classman, I have confidence, and I feel like I'm on top of the world. I got myself a girlfriend, and all was right in my world. Eventually my girlfriend and I broke up. I cuoldn't believe I let myself slip back to my old ways, I'm now a loner again (only a few friends I hang out with) and single. I've started skipping again (all this week and a bit of last week). It's terrible. I hate being single, it tourtures me. I hate not having friends. I want to have more confidence, and to be more attractive (I've lost that confidence. I now think I'm unattractive). I'm not suicidal, but I'm just depresed overall. Ontop of all of this, I started questioning my religion. I deconverted from Christianity to Agnosticism. I know don't even feel like I know who I am.

Sorry for the wall of text >.<. Does anyone have any advice?

[Codad Law]

Story of my life. I can relate to everything. I have never once tried to get a girlfriend. Its high school. I don't have a job or a car. I don't think its a big deal.

I don't see a problem to be honest. The questioning of your religion happens to most Christians at some point. It's you who choses who you want to be. I know you aren't blaming anybody, but you're not doing anything about it either. Sorry if you think I'm being harsh, but that is life. You don't want to be a loner then go make friends. Don't change yourself obviously, but be more outgoing. You did it before, why not do it again?

[Impurity]

I know what you're saying. I don't have a car yet, so having a girlfriend is...difficult. I would love to change again, but I can't seem to find the will or the drive to. It's like a consuming force. I'm not even sure how I did it last time...

[Codad Law]

I know what you're saying. I don't have a car yet, so having a girlfriend is...difficult. I would love to change again, but I can't seem to find the will or the drive to. It's like a consuming force. I'm not even sure how I did it last time...

I mean I can understand that. I know this sounds weird, but have you been eating well and living a healthy lifestyle? Also how has the weather been... This can contribute a lot... Just saying.

[Brawl]

Maybe you should consider taking anti-depressants or schedule some counseling?

[Impurity]

I eat fine. I'm healthy, just don't have a lot of confidence and I'm not sure. I've considered counseling, but I don't have a way to get there, and I wouldn't want to talk to someone about it at my school. Would kind of ruin any hope of getting my old confidence back.

[Brawl]

Yeah, I wouldn't reccomend getting counseling at school, they don't seem to know what to do lol.

Maybe you ask your mom to do counseling with you? It may help your relationship with your mom, it's always good to have some people you can talk to.

[Codad Law]

Honestly counseling is just like talking to anyone else. You mostly sit and there and vent, then you come to a realization of what you have to do all by yourself. Then you get to pay a guy $500... woot >.<


Anyways, don't worry. It's high school. I can promise 90% of people at your school have been through the same thing. It will pass over time. Just like 60% of the girls at my school think they are bi and go back and forth every semester... Bad analogy or w/e, but its the only thing I could compare it too.

[Impurity]

I know, but like you said it's high school. This is supposed to be the "best time of my life". I'd like that to be filled with "popularity" and relationships. I understand what you're saying, and I've tried just dealing with it. It's not working -_-

[Brawl]

Just start talking to more people, thats what I started doing and it's working out fine for me.