Todays Events

[Inuyasha]

I really just needed a place to vent where no one knows who I am.

So I'm trying to change my sleeping routine again. I prefer to sleep during the day and be awake at night. No one understands why I do it. No one understands that it's so much more relaxing. I just prefer to be left alone to do my own thing. I can't do that during the day with the constant hassle of family, work and everything else that complicates my life. I just hate how no one understands that I enjoy doing my own thing. All they want to do is change, warp, twist and mould me into everything they want/expect me to be/become. It's bull crap. I just want to be me and be left alone to do my own thing.

Yeah, so I go to sleep at about 9 AM with the TV going. I wake up at 1:30 PM. Yeah 4 and a half hours sleep, how fun. It was fairly hot, so I got up and turned on the air conditioner and tried to go back to sleep. By this time it was becoming nearly impossible to fall back to my relaxing sleepy world. Then I hear the American Music Awards on TV. So I decide that since I can't sleep I'd watch that. To my horror, I bore whiteness to Justin Bieber winning 2 awards. At this point I'd pretty much given up on humanity, but then the artist of the year award came along. It was between Justin, Eminem, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and someone else. I thought for sure that Eminem would win. Before they announced who won I said to myself that if Justin won I'd give up on humanity. Unfortunately, guess who won artist of the year? That's right, Justin Bieber. So with my new found contempt for humanity I tried to get back to sleep. At this point it's about 2-3 PM. I couldn't get back to sleep so I got up and hopped on the computer.

I talked to friends on MSN and proceeded to continue to download all the Pokemon episodes. As of right now I have all of the English Dubbed Pokemon. That's 644 episodes. I fully intend to watch them all. But that's besides the point. At this point, I got onto WoW and logged into my Death Knight. I love my Death Knight, it's a freakin beast. But yeah, I played that for a while and I ate dinner in the middle of a Dungeon where I took on the role of Tank. Surprisingly it turned out ok.

So later on in the night I talked with my X on Skype. I don't know what the feeling is. Love? Lust? Like? Some other L word I don't know? I don't know. I'll go with love. I still love this girl, I'm a virgin and she's not. But last year she cheated on her BF with me. She broke it off when she thought we were getting to serious and her BF had IRL BS happening.So after not talking for a month she talked to me on MSN and we started to become friends again. I have problems with knowing when to let go but I still want her. Anyway, back to present day. I talked to her for about 2 and a half hours. We talked about a lot of things, what it's like in Japan where she is, what she's been doing, what she's going to do when she gets back etc. Then i remembered she got involved with a relationship with an Australian that she met there. She said he wasn't attractive, but she gave him her email, they started talking, met up, they had sex, and now they're in a relationship. This just freakin shits me. I mean, everyone but me she sleeps with, it's BS. There is nothing wrong with me. She says the timing was bad. But she said we could have easily ended up having sex which leads me to believe I did something wrong. But I go over every detail, I can't make mistakes.

So we started talking about her schedule when she gets back and I get a full day with her. Her sister is getting back from Italy that day so 1 or both of her parents will not be home and she agreed we can spend the night and probably morning together. So basically, for the entire year she's been gone I've been thinking about having sex with her. I want her to have my virginity. I love this girl, but it will probably crush me when she leaves for University. I look nothing like what I did last time she saw me. I've lost a lot of weight, 35 KG or 78 Lbs. So I've shaped up a lot. I'm going to be getting my hair dyed so it looks like it's sun bleached and start wearing a lot nicer clothes. I normally wear jeans and a t-shirt. She won't recognise me and I'm hoping that she likes what she sees. But the thought has crossed my mind that she's either a chubby chaser or truly sees peoples inner beauty. I think I want to have sex with her. I don't know if it's months of drilling it into my head or the fact I actually want to anymore. If I think about it, I have an 80% chance of getting her to have sex with me while she's in a relationship with the other guy. But do I really want to? Do I want to give it up to someone that's going to be gone 2-3 weeks after. I think I'm the clingy type. Maybe it's best that I don't go in with the attitude of freakin her and go in with the attitude of whatever happens happens. Maybe I should save it for someone that I start a real relationship with, I don't know anymore.

It's 2 months until she gets back, I still have a lot of time to get everything together. But I'm still not 100% on if I want to have sex with her. I mean, I get what I want. Not rape, but I can manipulate people to do what I want. I can twist her mind into doing it. But I don't want sex with her that way. I want her to want to do it. But that's what I did last time and it didn't work, so maybe it's time to impose my will.

tl'dr there isn't one.

[Beautiful]

I Honestly (No offence) doubt you know how to manipulate minds. I'm learning and it takes many years to actually figure it out, but I'll believe you and say don't do that if you like her.

[Inuyasha]

I've been perfecting it for atleast 9 years. Many years have already passed. I'm an excellent liar, I have no tells at all.

[Shroomish™]

I read the whole thing OP. You seem pretty attached to this girl. How long have you been knowing her?

[Inuyasha]

We met in primary school. Then we re met through FaceBook. We got to talking then we met up and then she cheated on her BF with me.

[ThisIsAThrow]

Mind manipulating...

are you trolling?

[Inuyasha]

Do you not believe I can manipulate people? That's so lulsy. There's no real way to prove it, you can't manipulate people that know you're trying to do it. The majority of you probably think manipulating or SE is "OMG look I just got a free pizza." That's not SE, that's not even good manipulating, it's just BS.

Anyway, on topic.

She gets back in about 2-3 weeks. I'm still not 100% sure on what I want to do.

[Frostbite]

I'd like to start out by asking how old you are? You seem to have a lot of free time by what you're mentioning you do, so you don't work or go to school at all?

You say you're starting to dress better, etc. Well, are you actually more confident or is just a front to people to make them believe you are? Real confidence is the catcher and it does greatly to have people like you of their own accord instead of manipulating them to.

Another point I'd like to mention, she told you she had sex with these other guys which means she trusts you and feels connected to you. By all means, you shouldn't judge her for the sex with the other men, maybe she was just lonely or missing something in her life that she thought she could fill with sex and empty relationships? There might not be anything wrong with you, she simply could be preserving your relationship. Sure, hearing that from someone you care about sucks but in the end, you can't hold it over her head forever and it'd probably just shut her down towards a willing relationship with you; the past is the past so it's best to leave it dead. Something else that may be a trigger is that she cheated on her boyfriend with you, which is something you may need to be worried about since that may prove to be a breaking point: If she cheated once, or how many other times, what makes you think she won't repeat the action again if she's in a relationship with you? As for getting her to have sex with you, which would lead her to cheating again - would you really want to put her through that if she really cared about this man?

You avidly mention that you would like to have sex with this woman and give her your virginity. That would be something I'd really think about, considering her amount of partners it would be best to be on the safer side just in case she has anything she's not telling you/doesn't know about. Wear protection and if you're in doubt simply put, DO NOT DO IT. Wait until you're completely and fully ready to, even if that means waiting for her again. You may find that you want someone else to have your virginity over her. You also say that you tried to get her to have sex with you before, but it didn't work out. Maybe she's trying to protect the relationship you have now and she thinks sex might ruin it? You should probably talk to her about that in more depth, and really get to the matter here. If your force her to do the naughty, you may very well be forcing her out of your life for good. Women aren't objects, aren't a life support system for a vagina. She has something going on and you need to figure out what that is first.

I'm sorry if this makes little sense and doesn't help you, but I tried. Good luck!

[Inuyasha]

You say you're starting to dress better, etc. Well, are you actually more confident or is just a front to people to make them believe you are? Real confidence is the catcher and it does greatly to have people like you of their own accord instead of manipulating them to.

Another point I'd like to mention, she told you she had sex with these other guys which means she trusts you and feels connected to you. By all means, you shouldn't judge her for the sex with the other men, maybe she was just lonely or missing something in her life that she thought she could fill with sex and empty relationships? Sure, hearing that from someone you care about sucks but in the end, you can't hold it over her head forever and it'd probably just shut her down towards a willing relationship with you; the past is the past so it's best to leave it dead. Something else that may be a trigger is that she cheated on her boyfriend with you, which is something you may need to be worried about since that may prove to be a breaking point: If she cheated once, or how many other times, what makes you think she won't repeat the action again if she's in a relationship with you? As for getting her to have sex with you, which would lead her to cheating again - would you really want to put her through that if she really cared about this man?

You avidly mention that you would like to have sex with this woman and give her your virginity. That would be something I'd really think about, considering her amount of partners it would be best to be on the safer side just in case she has anything she's not telling you/doesn't know about. Wear protection and if you're in doubt simply put, DO NOT DO IT. Wait until you're completely and fully ready to, even if that means waiting for her again. You may find that you want someone else to have your virginity over her.

I'm sorry if this makes little sense and doesn't help you, but I tried. Good luck!

I do have a lot more confidence than I used to have. It's quite amazing really lol.

I don't hold having sex with a few other guys over her head. She's done a lot of things I know she's not proud of and I respect her for having the guts to tell me about them. She tells me things she doesn't tell everyone else, and the things she does tell everyone else she tends to tell me in more detail. For instance, I know she doesn't like receiving oral.

The reason she cheated on her BF with me is because I'm pretty sure she could sense it was going to end soon. They broke up about a month after our fling. She also said that because she had a crush on me in primary school that she wanted to fool around with me so she'd have no regrets before taking off to Japan.

Honestly, I care a lot for her. Even if we just stayed friends I know I'd care a lot for her in the best friend kind of way. But you're right, I'm still not 100% sure because I don't want to give it up to someone I know is going to leave me a few weeks after. It seems like a bad idea. If we have sex, then most likely that'll be the last time I ever see her. Then she's got the time with the guy she's having the relationship with.

It's all a very confusing situation. I care a lot for her, I don't know how she feels about me anymore. I know we're almost 100% comfortable around each other and can talk about almost anything. If she wasn't in a relationship and wasn't leaving then it'd be a different story, I'd totally go for it.

[Frostbite]

My only other bit of advice, seeing you have this great grasp on the situation already, is to find someone else. Someone you can fall in love with and have meaningful sex with, rather than just sleep around for the enjoyment like so many people do. Sex is better when it's with someone you can constantly share your life with and it's someone you fully and completely love. Stay friends with this girl but I think you should tell her that you can be nothing more than that, just friends.

I hate to sound like a bitch or anything, but her cheating on her boyfriend with you just because she knew it wouldn't last long and she had a previous crush on you is pretty fudged up. It's like taking a car out for a test ride and deciding you don't like it, so you stick with the car you have until it's dead, and when it dies, you get another one rather than the one you've already driven.