12-06-2010, 12:43 PM
First, sorry about the long post. I just want to be as detailed as possible so I can get some decent help.
I'd like you to know before I start that I'm 15 and I'm in high school. I'm homeschooled though, so I don't have friends at school cause I just stay home all day. I spend most of my day on the computer doing virtual school or relaxing. I have no neighbors my age. They are all little kids (from 4 - 10 years old). I have a little sister (10) who plays with the neighborhood kids, so sometimes I go outside with her and chill with her friends, play with their dogs, talk, or shoot some hoops with them. The only time I get to see my friends is at church, which I go to on Wednesdays and Sundays. I mostly only have church friends - I have two friends that are pretty close to me, but they live far away and we never talk to each other much. We hang out like...a couple times per year, but when we do, it's always pretty fun.
Okay, so about 2 years ago, I was really good friends with these two girls my age. They are sisters and go to the same church as me. We did everything together - you could say we were really close friends or best friends. Then something happened - I'm not sure what it was - and they thought I was mad that them. I never was, and to this day, I still don't know what it issue was. So we grew apart. They became closer friends with this other girl at our church and school friends. I just got left behind.
Fast forward to this past year (2009-2010). Those two girls and I still talk and laugh and all, but I don't feel like we could ever be close and talk about girl stuff and personal stuff...BUT, I became REALLY close friends with this guy from our church. We became friends cause I thought he was a nice kid with not a lot of friends, so I suggested we start IMing and get to know each other. We did. Now we're best friends. We have an awesome relationship and we love each other so much. We talk on the phone at least once or twice per week. We text and email sometimes. We would talk more, but my parents won't let me :/ Anyways, he's 14 (turning 15 in Feb.) and neither of us are allowed to date. We want to though, because we're seriously in love with each other. So, we're willing to wait for each other and be just best friends in the meantime. We've talked about it and we LOVE being best friends, but we'd also love if we dated in the future. We do hang out at church on Wednesdays, but not on Sundays. He used to come to church on Sundays too (and Thursdays - he played guitar in the Sunday morning praise team. I used to go on Thursdays too because my mom is one of the singers. So we had a good hour on Thursdays to just be alone and talk and hang out.). But he left the church, so now we only see each other once per week. The only reason he comes on Wednesdays is to see me, cause that's the only chance we get in the whole week. But sometimes, like a couple times per month, our parents let us get together outside of church (which is a HUGE accomplishment for us, cause our parents used to never let us do this). But, the thing is, he'll be permanently leaving our church next month (Jan). So he won't be coming on Wednesdays...But my mom said I could go to his youth group on Weds. :]
Anyways, he is what keeps me going...I basically have no other friends I can talk to and hang out with. I'm never invited to anything by anyone. If it weren't for church events, I'd have no social life (except for with my best (and only) guy friend of course). I feel like I used to be someone important in my church and youth group. I felt like I had good friends. But now I feel like everyone sees right through me...I feel like nothing I do matters. I feel like others are always more important than me. I don't want to do anything, cause I always feel left out. I feel like I'm always sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have fun. I heard people talking about like "Oh, I went to the mall with my besties today!! I love you guys!!! <3
" and I get jealous cause I don't have that. Yes, I have my one best friend and I love him and I'm so thankful he's been with me for a whole year and he's so loyal and faithful and loves me, but it'd be nice to have some other friends that I can actually connect to. Yeah, I put on a smile everyday and talk to the other people at my youth group and stuff, but nothing happens after I leave that place. Once beyond those doors, I feel as if I become a nobody. And while I'm at the youth group, I feel inferior and looked down upon by everyone else. I feel like people say "Oh, she's just that girl"...and that I don't matter. Like I'm always the last choice...
I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm depressed...I don't know who to talk to, if anyone...
Just please, don't ignore me. Even if you can't help, just please...encourage me or something. I just want to be cared for.
I'd like you to know before I start that I'm 15 and I'm in high school. I'm homeschooled though, so I don't have friends at school cause I just stay home all day. I spend most of my day on the computer doing virtual school or relaxing. I have no neighbors my age. They are all little kids (from 4 - 10 years old). I have a little sister (10) who plays with the neighborhood kids, so sometimes I go outside with her and chill with her friends, play with their dogs, talk, or shoot some hoops with them. The only time I get to see my friends is at church, which I go to on Wednesdays and Sundays. I mostly only have church friends - I have two friends that are pretty close to me, but they live far away and we never talk to each other much. We hang out like...a couple times per year, but when we do, it's always pretty fun.
Okay, so about 2 years ago, I was really good friends with these two girls my age. They are sisters and go to the same church as me. We did everything together - you could say we were really close friends or best friends. Then something happened - I'm not sure what it was - and they thought I was mad that them. I never was, and to this day, I still don't know what it issue was. So we grew apart. They became closer friends with this other girl at our church and school friends. I just got left behind.
Fast forward to this past year (2009-2010). Those two girls and I still talk and laugh and all, but I don't feel like we could ever be close and talk about girl stuff and personal stuff...BUT, I became REALLY close friends with this guy from our church. We became friends cause I thought he was a nice kid with not a lot of friends, so I suggested we start IMing and get to know each other. We did. Now we're best friends. We have an awesome relationship and we love each other so much. We talk on the phone at least once or twice per week. We text and email sometimes. We would talk more, but my parents won't let me :/ Anyways, he's 14 (turning 15 in Feb.) and neither of us are allowed to date. We want to though, because we're seriously in love with each other. So, we're willing to wait for each other and be just best friends in the meantime. We've talked about it and we LOVE being best friends, but we'd also love if we dated in the future. We do hang out at church on Wednesdays, but not on Sundays. He used to come to church on Sundays too (and Thursdays - he played guitar in the Sunday morning praise team. I used to go on Thursdays too because my mom is one of the singers. So we had a good hour on Thursdays to just be alone and talk and hang out.). But he left the church, so now we only see each other once per week. The only reason he comes on Wednesdays is to see me, cause that's the only chance we get in the whole week. But sometimes, like a couple times per month, our parents let us get together outside of church (which is a HUGE accomplishment for us, cause our parents used to never let us do this). But, the thing is, he'll be permanently leaving our church next month (Jan). So he won't be coming on Wednesdays...But my mom said I could go to his youth group on Weds. :]
Anyways, he is what keeps me going...I basically have no other friends I can talk to and hang out with. I'm never invited to anything by anyone. If it weren't for church events, I'd have no social life (except for with my best (and only) guy friend of course). I feel like I used to be someone important in my church and youth group. I felt like I had good friends. But now I feel like everyone sees right through me...I feel like nothing I do matters. I feel like others are always more important than me. I don't want to do anything, cause I always feel left out. I feel like I'm always sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have fun. I heard people talking about like "Oh, I went to the mall with my besties today!! I love you guys!!! <3
" and I get jealous cause I don't have that. Yes, I have my one best friend and I love him and I'm so thankful he's been with me for a whole year and he's so loyal and faithful and loves me, but it'd be nice to have some other friends that I can actually connect to. Yeah, I put on a smile everyday and talk to the other people at my youth group and stuff, but nothing happens after I leave that place. Once beyond those doors, I feel as if I become a nobody. And while I'm at the youth group, I feel inferior and looked down upon by everyone else. I feel like people say "Oh, she's just that girl"...and that I don't matter. Like I'm always the last choice...I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm depressed...I don't know who to talk to, if anyone...
Just please, don't ignore me. Even if you can't help, just please...encourage me or something. I just want to be cared for.
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