I've lied

[Alexisis]

I met some people on an online game over a year ago and straight away I just lied about things about myself, I didn't know these people at the time and I'm ashamed about so much in my life and I find it near impossible to see myself as a normal functioning human. At the time it didn't seem important, I was just playing a game with them from time to time, and I just wanted to fit in really.

As the time passed I started to become more friends with a few people, and I let some things out, mostly to one person. About my mental health (Bipolar) and some other stuff. But some of the lies that seemed so tiny had become so huge so quickly. I lied about my age, and about where I live because I was ashamed of both of these, I've lied about my family because they are messed up and all these people seemed so normal and I don't feel that way about myself at all. I feel like a ghoul most of the time.

I didn't mean for this to happen at all, it really caught me by surprise. I find it really hard to impossible to maintain friendships in real life, and that probably has a lot to do with my fear of never been accepted anywhere.

Over time these lies became a burden to me, they didn't come up often, but they were still lies and if I revielded them I could loose friends and that's so painful.

The biggest problem now is she wants to meet me. She is coming to my country and really wants to meet. I have no excuses as to why we can't meet, and she's coming over anyway, she has my phone number and things like that. I really just want to run and hide. I'm really stressed out and worried all the time. I don't know what to do. I know lying is so wrong but coming out with it I will loose what I've never really had before in my whole life, and now I can't stop that happening anyway since she will come over and see now!

There's other things to this, other things about myself and life I've hidden because I'm so screwed up and I just felt it was easier at the time too...

What am I suppose to do?!?

[Sam]

Don't worry, many people use online communities, games to create a whole new life for themselves. God knows how many times I've said something completely untrue in a gamer chat... Like I'm amazing at this and ranked first in that blah blah. It's not even important really.

As for meeting up with this person, if you want to avoid it then you can easily say that you've got some family engagements or a holiday to go on.

IMHO you shouldn't feel guilty about saying silly things online.

[Epic Smiley™]

Be careful with meeting "her". Like I was telling another member, "she" could be a fat ass 45 year old pedophile looking to harm you. If she's serious about meeting you she likely is a "she". Just be careful. Block all communications and change your number and go on with your life bro

[Alexisis]

It does fell really important now though. I've talked almost daily (Not in chat but with mics) and like I said she has my phone number and will ring me sometimes when I'm not around. We've talked a lot about problems in life and supported each other too.

As sad as some people will say it is she has been really the best friend I've ever had. I'm so worried. She has big issues about trust which just makes it a million times worse. God I wish I could just rewind time and say the truth because not making friends at this point would just put me back where I've always been, but now I have I'm going to loose something really important to me that I've never had before. :/

It's killing me, I can't think of anything else. I'm getting stress headaches.

I know she wants to move to this country too. She's asked if she can stay at my place at some point. I wish I was someone else so I could say yes so freely. The only thing I can think to do is to hurt myself and try to cut myself off now, rather than betray her and hurt her too. It's not a selfless as that sounds I know, in doing this I realeaze I'm also trying to be in control of my pain and rejection. If I run a mile it was "my choice" and I was never rejected.......

I'm getting such bad stress.
But this doesn't seem like a sulotion at all either, because I don't want to loose my freindship!!!

Be careful with meeting "her". Like I was telling another member, "she" could be a fat ass 45 year old pedophile looking to harm you. If she's serious about meeting you she likely is a "she". Just be careful. Block all communications and change your number and go on with your life bro

Well I know she's a she because we talk over the phone and with mics. But also I'm not worried about that side of things, because she wants to meet someone else too, who lives in this country too. And she has had family and her boyfriend in the background a lot of the time over the the time I've known her, so her lying about things doesn't seem possible.

[Epic Smiley™]

It does fell really important now though. I've talked almost daily (Not in chat but with mics) and like I said she has my phone number and will ring me sometimes when I'm not around. We've talked a lot about problems in life and supported each other too.

As sad as some people will say it is she has been really the best friend I've ever had. I'm so worried. She has big issues about trust which just makes it a million times worse. God I wish I could just rewind time and say the truth because not making friends at this point would just put me back where I've always been, but now I have I'm going to loose something really important to me that I've never had before. :/

It's killing me, I can't think of anything else. I'm getting stress headaches.

I know she wants to move to this country too. She's asked if she can stay at my place at some point. I wish I was someone else so I could say yes so freely. The only thing I can think to do is to hurt myself and try to cut myself off now, rather than betray her and hurt her too. It's not a selfless as that sounds I know, in doing this I realeaze I'm also trying to be in control of my pain and rejection. If I run a mile it was "my choice" and I was never rejected.......

I'm getting such bad stress.

Well I know she's a she because we talk over the phone and with mics. But also I'm not worried about that side of things, because she wants to meet someone else too, who lives in this country too. And she has had family and her boyfriend in the background a lot of the time over the the time I've known her, so her lying about things doesn't seem possible.

TBH if she's talking to you over the internet and you both are taking the relationship seriously this is quite freaky. It's just so awkward how you are acting like you have known this IRL for years...

[Alexisis]

Then I guess it's freaky then. :/

I don't get what you mean by the second part of the comment.

[SystemThurtyTwo]

I wouldn't mind giving you advice although I would prefer to do it over a microphone.

skype:

SystemThurtyTwo

[Alexisis]

I'm a bit cautious about doing that. I've asked for advice twice before already and been trolled both times, about how sad it is etc.

I don't think it's weird having a friend online at all. And I've just screwed it up and need advice.

[The Elite]

Before meeting her, talk to her on cam or something to see if she is actually a girl.

[Magiic™]

If she actually likes you, I doubt materialistic things matter, the fact that you lied about it is the problem.