I am about to freakin snap...

[Guest]

Im posting as a guest because I don't want someone to track me down and kill me... No, that's not actually the case but it sounds good enough. Now for the rant:

People are so freakin arrogant and stupid. They are annoying and incompetent. I have to deal with people who's IQ's are like freakin 1/1000 of mine every day and have no one that isn't a low class shitball. I go to a freakin school with idiot rednecks that are such a pathetic embarrassment to society. I am about to go psycho.

I need a vacation away from everything here. I need to divorce my parents because they have only held me back putting me in this godforsaken hell hole of a town and never see them again. I have done everything right, straight A's, 3rd in my class, no drinking, no drugs, no freakin fun, nothing to live for and I am so sick of this crap I am about to just put a damn bullet in my head and be done with it.

Here is my switchblade, why don't I stick it in this electrical outlet? Why not? Hell, I have no reason to not do it only that it would probably hurt like a bitch. Money doesn't matter, always had it, love doesn't matter, never had it, friends don't matter, never really had a real good one.

Obama is a freakin communist destroying my country. I am not antisocial, no one even tries to talk to me. I go to a computer security meeting once a month and listen to people I look up to and they don't look twice at me, maybe because I'm the only kid there. I guess they think I'm just a freakin wannabe. I'm a freakin waste of a good person. What do you think about that? I'm not going to commit suicide because I don't have the balls. So what am I going to do? Absolutely nothing. I want to get away from everything I know because it is killing me.

The people high up in my school have it out for me because I made them look like total idiots because they blew an incident with me out of proportion and I proved them wrong, but I have to suffer from their mistakes so can't trust anyone in the system. The superintendent assaulted me at an away basketball game right in from of a cop, but the cop didn't do anything.. I just have this weird feeling in my head all the time. I think I will have a brain aneurism from it soon.

I'm a very religious and kind person which is another reason I will not commit suicide or ever hurt someone. Maybe I will go to the projects in the city and call some black guy a Yoda and he will shoot me or beat me to death with a metal pipe. Hmm... Nope, to cowardly to do that. Oh well. I guess I can only hope for brain aneurism, heart attack, or something like that.

I hate Scientology, Communism, Socialism, Stupidism, Whoreism, and all the other crap. Oh, and Microsoft is communists, Bill Gates is a psycho who bulldozes friend's cars and stabs people in the back. I like peace and quite, Being able to think and not being disturbed. I never get that. I met my perfect girl once, but not for long. Hell, IDK what I'm doing or saying.

As you can see I have not had a good day for quite some time. I'm going to continue through life as a mindless zombie and lose all my emotions, become one of the most powerful business men or politicians and destroy peoples lives because inevitably I will turn into the thing I hate most. I will probably be the one to turn the US into a Communist Nation because Communists are what I hate the most. I hope you see my logic and what I am trying to say. I know I have it better than the starving little kids in Africa or the child sex slaves in Russia but everyone has to have something to live for and I just don't have that. But I do not have the willpower or balls to kill myself. I will continue with this life I hate and nothing will change. I will never be happy and I am content with that. I love freedom, Linux, and open source software. I respect a lot of people who deserve it.

Any thoughts on the huge crap that I just wrote are welcome. Its just random ramblings that are out of order. My brain is frying in this hell hole and I don't know how to get out of here. I've come to the conclusion its not that I am hurting, its that I am losing my feelings. But I care about everyone else to much to even think to hurt me. I have no one that I trust to stand by me. I hate my parents for there stupidity and ignorance. I guess they care about me in some way, just not a way that is going to get me anywhere in life or make me happy.

[Lobain]

What's wrong with Socialism? It's a good concept.. but back to one point of yours. Get your parents divorced? Lol?

[-paradox-]

Well that was sure quite a read. You are right, you are all over the place. You state your issues very clearly but you don't seem to have any solutions, the only one being a successful business man and ruin everyones lives. You just have to realize not everyone is terrible, when you're out of the "terrible" town you live in you will notice that the people you are dealing with there, are everywhere. Your only escape is to continue to do well in school and stick to your responsibilities.

If you do you will become a politician, or successful business man. Why not help the community though? Why not improve peoples lives instead of make them worse. I can assure you that being a good person will work better on your conscious than revenge, revenge to your fellow students will effect everyone. Not just them. You don't want that on your hands. How about you endure the crap you have to deal with now since you seem like a mature person and help the children that will be living under your power. Help them grow up to be more like you and not like the dickheads you deal with.

Try being social, sure no one talks to you, that's why you should talk to them. Prove everyone wrong, including the tech guys that you see every month. If you can express your motivation and knowledge about computers at such a meeting and become noticed you'll be looked at more than once, twice, and three times. Make yourself known for good things, not bad.

Suicide? No, I'm not religious so I don't believe in hell but suicide should never be an option. If you are seriously considering this I suggest you meet with a psychiatrist. As soon as possible, the longer you wait the smaller the chance you go. Same with your depression issues, the longer you wait the worse. Talk to someone, not just us on the internet. Let all of this off of your chest with voice, not just text.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out for you.

[Guest]

@Lobain - Divorce your parents like emancipation, not get them divorced. And in socialism the government has the upper hand, which is not good. I am a capitalist and believe in private business, not government control or free handouts to the lazy from my tax dollars. The world has already seen what socialism and communism has done to countries, take the former soviet union for example. Everyone is not equal. People who work harder and make more should not be forced to give money to the fools that jerked around in there youth and became nothing of themselves. Thats why America and many other countries are broken. People say: "Why would I work when I can about the same through welfare without lifting a finger".

@ -paradox- - I tried to make it clear in my post that suicide is not an option. I'm not stupid enough to do that. And thank you for your feedback. I will think about what you have said. You seem to know what you are talking about.

[Lobain]

Well, "Guest", I said the concept was good. The countries that have evolved Socialism into Communism had ruthless leaders that were too ambitious and didn't want to lose their power, leading to people becoming unequal. If there was a good, clean government, a Socialist nation would be better than a Capitalist one because everyone WOULD be equal. In a Capitalist nation, the problem is that since it is private and there is rare government involvement, some people do not succeed in it leading to them living on the streets.

[-paradox-]

I know you said you do not plan to commit suicide but you said it's because you don't have the balls to and you're religious, when the pain and anger gets the best of you religion flies out the window. You shouldn't not want to commit suicide because you don't have the balls, you shouldn't not want to commit suicide because you're religious. You should not want to commit suicide because you know there are people that can use your help, that care for you. People that you may care for one day, there is a lot in your future. That's why you should not even consider suicide.

I'm glad you've read my post and I agree with you, I'm not a big fan of socialism either.

[PaNiK]

>>Obama is a communist.

You won't be getting any help from me with your problems.

[-paradox-]

>>Obama is a communist.

You won't be getting any help from me with your problems.

People have their own opinions or beliefs and they're allowed to stick to them. It's arrogant not to help someone because of something like this. I suggest you put yourself in his shoes, or take yourself back to an emotionally stressful point in your life and imagine being denied help for such a reason. It's alright though, if you don't intend to help you don't need to.

[Hawkins]

This was very interesting to read.
Me and you have quite a lot in common, dude.
I think I am loosing my control over my anger, and I am kind of loosing my emotions, but I want them to disappear much faster. Stupidity and ignorance are killing me nowadays, and it is just driving me crazy.
I will never kill myself though. That is the cowardly way out, but yeah, I'm afraid I might end up hurting someone when I finally snap.

[-paradox-]

@Hawkins

You seem to be a pretty chill guy, at least from that read. If you do actually snap I think you will lose more respect than you'll gain, not only from others but yourself. I would keep my cool instead of showing that sign of weakness. Trust me.

I actually posted in one of these threads about fighting but without much detail because I'm not proud of it. The adrenaline rush was somewhat soothing though. I guess you'll get over it but still, I recommend thinking through what you do before making a mistake. Especially if you hurt a bitch that likes to sue because they can't hold their ground after pissing you off. I got away with my fights but one of my friends ruined his life with a couple of punches and a kick.