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10-22-2010, 05:03 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2010, 09:00 PM by Amped.)
The time it takes to pull the trigger,
is the time a new born can be delivered,
I can deliver bullets fraster then U.P.S.,
By the time it reaches your head you'll be in enternal rest,
Everytime you breathe in and out you take your life away,
So let me go ahead and put you out the right way,
Don't think of it as killing,
Just think of it as concealing,
Life ain't nothing but fears and pains,
so let me take a sacrafice and go insane,
Before I die I'll pray in pain,
Put the gun to my head and let it enter my brain.
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1) i've never heard of a "Peom" before lol
2) If you are trying to rhyme by couplets in every stanza you might want to work on your rhyming words. Lots of them do not rhyme, they just have the same ending. But UPS and rest do not rhyme at all.
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(10-22-2010, 05:22 PM)Infinity Wrote: 1) i've never heard of a "Peom" before lol
2) If you are trying to rhyme by couplets in every stanza you might want to work on your rhyming words. Lots of them do not rhyme, they just have the same ending. But UPS and rest do not rhyme at all.
Ohh meh goodness, it's me free writing. Go cry about it.
And have you not heard of UNITED POSTAL SERVICE? ..U.P.S??...
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(10-22-2010, 05:42 PM)Amped Wrote: Ohh meh goodness, it's me free writing. Go cry about it.
And have you not heard of UNITED POSTAL SERVICE? ..U.P.S??...
I was talking about the acronym UPS not rhyming with the last word in the next line. Not the definition.
Free writing, and i'm giving advice here. Have some respect.
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(10-22-2010, 06:15 PM)Infinity Wrote: I was talking about the acronym UPS not rhyming with the last word in the next line. Not the definition.
Free writing, and i'm giving advice here. Have some respect.
Well you were trying to be smart, with not knowing what "Peom" was, when you clearly knew what it was.
Want respect? Earn it 
Besides, this was the FIRST poem I have ever written.
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(10-22-2010, 05:22 PM)Infinity Wrote: 1) i've never heard of a "Peom" before lol
Nice catch I didn't see that lol.
on topic: Not bad but why is it based on death lol.
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(10-22-2010, 06:28 PM)Amped Wrote: Well you were trying to be smart, with not knowing what "Peom" was, when you clearly knew what it was.
Want respect? Earn it
Besides, this was the FIRST poem I have ever written.
Which is why I was giving you advice. Before you made yourself look worse, I was pointing that out for your benefit. Good spelling leads to good writing, practice it, and don't take what I have to say an a different way than it was intended.
I'm already fairly well respected around here. It's you that needs to learn how to respect, and how to get some in return.
This is about your poem. And I spent some time to give you a few pointers. Otherwise you wouldn't be posting in here, if you didn't want advice would you?
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What was Sacrifice in it. You just shoot your self and a new birth takes place.
I am sorry that it an't found Sacrifice.
OR am i Missing Something??
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10-22-2010, 08:55 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2010, 08:56 PM by Amped.)
(10-22-2010, 07:27 PM)Infinity Wrote: Which is why I was giving you advice. Before you made yourself look worse, I was pointing that out for your benefit. Good spelling leads to good writing, practice it, and don't take what I have to say an a different way than it was intended.
I'm already fairly well respected around here. It's you that needs to learn how to respect, and how to get some in return.
This is about your poem. And I spent some time to give you a few pointers. Otherwise you wouldn't be posting in here, if you didn't want advice would you?
Oh look at you, trying to be a grammar queen. One little mistake I have made for being in a rush, does this never happen to you? Don't say it hasn't because you just made you one by using "an" instead of "in a different way". You're telling me to practice spelling like I don't know how to spell, there you go being a smart alec again.
Why, because you have a few reps here and there, yea? That tells a lot about someone doesn't it? I believe I have been here quite longer than you, and sorry I don't spend enough time on this forum to get reputation by creating GFX for people, that's where your rep came from, right?
Indeed this is my poem, the very first poem I have ever written, and sorry it doesn't fit your standards. And of course I don't mind critique, but you were not criticizing, you were being smart about it.
Mind if I see any of your poems, eh?
(10-22-2010, 08:54 PM)GuJJu Wrote: What was Sacrifice in it. You just shoot your self and a new birth takes place.
I am sorry that it an't found Sacrifice.
OR am i Missing Something??
In writing, things do not have to make sense. It's the meaning of it.
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10-22-2010, 09:08 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2010, 09:09 PM by AceInfinity.)
If you really want me too, then sure i'll create one. You don't have to be a complete jackass for me wanting to help you out though, I don't know where you got the idea that I said I was perfect. It's a forum, expect people to TRY and help you, but it's up to you whether or not you take their advice. I mentioned "Peom" because YOU have the ability to edit that. I'm sure others would notice it as well, and I don't even care. I just thought you might
I got most of my rep from the willingness to try and help people in general. My extra efforts I put forth into helping someone to make sure they have no questions after i'm done explaining something to them.
Here you go off on my one comment about your title and you haven't even said one thing on my advice to you about your actual poem. Thats a little immature in my mind. Then you change the topic to my rep points? What are you getting at here..
It's your first poem, so I was trying to help. If it's your first poem, I definitely can't say its "perfect" now can I? So i'm telling you how to improve it. You missed the point there buddy.
You want to just continue flaming me for my efforts to help someone out, then sure you can do that, but who's been here longer also does not have an effect on how great an SF member you are either. Don't try and debate something like that, because it's completely irrelevant.
If you decide you do not want my help, then just say so (and i'm sorry, but don't be a complete ass about it either). I help people by going out of my way and spending time out of my day to do so, but I won't spend it if I feel it's been wasted like this. Thats the reality here.
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