Missing my ex..... : (

[lucidrain7]

Well my FIANCE broke up a few weeks ago. I don't really know what happened. Well sorta I do but not really... She said her feelings just changed towards me. But *I* seemed to notice that things started going downhill after she stopped taking her bi polar medicine because she got pregnant and had to stop them. Also I think between her hormones and that and us losing a baby and lots of other "stress" she just had too much going on and probably just couldn't take everything? And I know everything was really hard on her, and I can only imagine what she is/was going through!!! It's got to be really hard on her too. We were expecting twins on the way. We *were* so in love together, had planned to get married, decided to have a baby together and she even wanted me to be her kids dad. He was calling me daddy and everything. Well, we lost one of our twins for one and this was very upsetting to us... Luckily the other one is still healthy THANK GOD, but we were SOOOO sad about losing the other one. We were the first of both sides of our family's to ever have twins. But then right around that time, she broke up with me and told me alot of stuff. I just cant believe it!!! We were SOO in love and now??? Everything we had planned is now down the drains (sorta)... We aren't obviously getting married now. She doesn't want me to be her sons dad anymore, she told me she doesn't want him to call me daddy anymore (I dont think? I think she is not sure really??? Who knows). We were supposed to be this HAPPY *FAMILY* *TOGETHER* which I wanted more than anything with her. I LOVED this girl TO DEATH, and more than anyone I have ever been with before. I really thought she was THE ONE! I am still kinda sad about all this, I have gotten better but its still hard on me!! We are still friends and do still talk, which is truly a blessing!!! Because she means so very much to me because she was not only my fiance but my BEST FRIEND too. So we are at least still friends and hang out n talk which I am very thankful for. But I still have alot of feelings for her (I still love her). So its kinda hard too, but I will take friendship at least instead of nothing. I just really wanted it to be more!!! We had our whole life planned out and I wanted to be a happy family together and now it looks like we will just be raising our baby as friends....? I wanted so bad for us all to be a happy family together because I still love her and her son and our kid on the way too. I didn't want to be another "statistic" or whatever... I NEVER thought this would happen to ME!!! I always said to myself that I didn't want my kid(s) if I ever had any to be like my family was and separated. I wanted them to experience having a loving happy family together. So I not only want this for myself but for my kids too! I am praying that maybe something will change and she might change her mind but I just don't know??? Who knows. But right now I am really missing her and am bored and thought I would type this. It's just really hard on me us not being together anymore... But??? Hopefully things will work out??? Anyone have any advice or anything? Or if you can pray for us or something that we will work things and and get back together not just for us but for our kids too!!! Thanks.