04-23-2010, 05:44 PM
Okai, I never really talked about with anyone, other than my bestfriend, his gf and my ex.
Hmm, how to say this. Im just wondering what to do. I have to 2 personalitys. Im pretty sure its not a disorder or anything like that. Well here is my story.
At first, I was a normal kid, who got bullied alot in school and off school. I had a rough childhood, beated up constantly, then I started bonding with a popular dude from our school and got beat up less. He was kinda bad guy type. With him I started drinking, smoking, stealing, breaking in to cafes and what not. I got beat up by him too rarely, when we had an huge argument. Cuz he was very strong, but I had kinda like "no fear" phase or what ever. Well, then I started bonding with a friend, who is my bestfriend and have been over 6 years. He is much stronger dude, so beatings stoped, when I started bonding with him, he is not popualar at all tho. I started being like him, he was kinda role model to me. I stoped caring about others opinions, went very lazy and laid back, and got less violence, now I even hate violence. Well, here is the problem. At first I was a violent and a dark dude, who got beat up alot. Then I started pressin my emotions down and new emotions up. Now Im 2 sided, whenever I go out. Sometimes Im very evil, sometimes very friendly and warm. But recently with all the crap I deal with, my "evil" side is taking over more and more. If somebody outside "fucks" with my friend, my evil self takes over instantly. Meditations and nothing help but yeah, my depressing or "evil" side is taking over and I don't like it. Even if I think about changing like that, I can feel the adrealin and power growing in me.
Lets say, if Im in my peacful said, all life is sacred for me, and I would sacrifice my own life to save a animal or anything really.
With my "evil" side, I would kill anybody or don't care about deaths and all that. But online, I my evil side have never occured.
Sry for this being epic long.
Hmm, how to say this. Im just wondering what to do. I have to 2 personalitys. Im pretty sure its not a disorder or anything like that. Well here is my story.
At first, I was a normal kid, who got bullied alot in school and off school. I had a rough childhood, beated up constantly, then I started bonding with a popular dude from our school and got beat up less. He was kinda bad guy type. With him I started drinking, smoking, stealing, breaking in to cafes and what not. I got beat up by him too rarely, when we had an huge argument. Cuz he was very strong, but I had kinda like "no fear" phase or what ever. Well, then I started bonding with a friend, who is my bestfriend and have been over 6 years. He is much stronger dude, so beatings stoped, when I started bonding with him, he is not popualar at all tho. I started being like him, he was kinda role model to me. I stoped caring about others opinions, went very lazy and laid back, and got less violence, now I even hate violence. Well, here is the problem. At first I was a violent and a dark dude, who got beat up alot. Then I started pressin my emotions down and new emotions up. Now Im 2 sided, whenever I go out. Sometimes Im very evil, sometimes very friendly and warm. But recently with all the crap I deal with, my "evil" side is taking over more and more. If somebody outside "fucks" with my friend, my evil self takes over instantly. Meditations and nothing help but yeah, my depressing or "evil" side is taking over and I don't like it. Even if I think about changing like that, I can feel the adrealin and power growing in me.
Lets say, if Im in my peacful said, all life is sacred for me, and I would sacrifice my own life to save a animal or anything really.
With my "evil" side, I would kill anybody or don't care about deaths and all that. But online, I my evil side have never occured.
Sry for this being epic long.
![[Image: Nyan.jpg]](http://nicknameregister.com/files/2012/4/26/Nyan.jpg)