There is worst then my life, but I feel like talking about it anyways.

[majordave]

I fake smiles and laughs all the time, but all I want to do is sleep. Because when I am sleeping, nothing matters anymore.

That's a very common symptom of depression. Which is very draining, not just emotionally, but physically as well.

Long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain. There are some who can make it work, and some who just can't. A lot depends on the type of person you are.

The reason most people form attachments with others is to have someone to share their lives and experiences with. In a romantic relationship, one of the primary desires is to be able to connect physically with that person as well, to have a partner to go places together and do things with.

My husband frequently travels for business for extended periods of time, and when I can't join him, I have to sit home alone. We sent picture and messages texts all day long, and literally talk on the phone for several hours a day, but it's still not the same thing. But we've also been together for many years, and a little separation isn't that bad. If we hadn't already been together for many years before he took this type of job? I don't know that our marriage would have lasted. We are both very tactile and have a very close "hands-on" marriage. We're joined at the hip and spend every waking moment that we're not separated by work together.

There are many couples who don't spend that much time together, they separate their lives and friends from their relationship with each other, and pursue separate interests, so they don't feel the loss when their partner's is not around as greatly.

You might be able to handle a long-distance relationship, but maybe she can't. You shouldn't take it as a personal rejection. It probably isn't. There really aren't that many relationships that survive separation on a long term basis.

You don't have to hate her or stop being her friend, but for the time being, you should contact completely. Every time you talk to her or engage in contact while you're still hung up on her, it reopens the wound, and lengthens the amount of time it's going to take to get over her. So I recomment you break off all contact, no phone calls, no texting, no looking at her facebook, nothing -- not forever, just for the time being.

If you have to, tell yourself that you will not have any contact whatsoever for 1 week to begin with. Hold out for one week, and then try for 2. Before long you'll find staying away from her won't take any effort whatsoever.

Right now, you probably don't feel that you'll ever be able to find someone else, not someone who you will ever care about the way you care about her, and you probably won't either. Your next relationship will be different and very likely, you might be surprised that you prefer the differences of your new relationship to the one you shared with her.

Once your heart has healed sufficiently, if you want, you can still be friends with her. You may find though that you're no longer interested, simply because your interests have changed.
I wish you the best of luck!