04-19-2010, 07:51 PM
I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost three years. We've had a rough time of it because he hurt me a lot. He never cheated but he still behaved inappropriately.
The worst I ever did was yell in anger. I said some really mean things but I never went out and sought revenge by doing the same things to him in return. So consequently, I feel like I'm stuck with the really bad memories and feelings. I don't imagine his are 100% perfect but I can't help reliving everything he did.
As a result, I'm angry a good portion of the time. Certain music/songs, movies, people, etc. bring back really bad memories and they infuriate me. I've been dealing with feeling angry for about two years now and I don't know if I'll ever completely forgive him even though I still love him. I avoid anything and everything that is attached to a painful memory and I do it almost obsessively as if I have no choice.
I don't know how to deal with the anger. I hate having those bad memories, I hate feeling like all these other girls got the satisfaction of knowing that, even though he was with me and knew me longer, he hurt me to spend time with them. But when I try to separate myself from him, I always run back but the pain and anger never fade, even if he is behaving himself now.
The worst I ever did was yell in anger. I said some really mean things but I never went out and sought revenge by doing the same things to him in return. So consequently, I feel like I'm stuck with the really bad memories and feelings. I don't imagine his are 100% perfect but I can't help reliving everything he did.
As a result, I'm angry a good portion of the time. Certain music/songs, movies, people, etc. bring back really bad memories and they infuriate me. I've been dealing with feeling angry for about two years now and I don't know if I'll ever completely forgive him even though I still love him. I avoid anything and everything that is attached to a painful memory and I do it almost obsessively as if I have no choice.
I don't know how to deal with the anger. I hate having those bad memories, I hate feeling like all these other girls got the satisfaction of knowing that, even though he was with me and knew me longer, he hurt me to spend time with them. But when I try to separate myself from him, I always run back but the pain and anger never fade, even if he is behaving himself now.