Hey Johngi,
First of all, that $300,000? That would be his gross receipts. After he ends up paying for all the expenses involved in completing those projects, along with the overhead of running his business he might only end up netting 10% or $30,000, and that's providing he doesn't run into any unforseen additional expenses that he neglected to include in the contract. And then, out of that remaining $30,000, he has to pay his income taxes and child support to your mom, and everything else. So it's really not as much money as it seems. And yes, I do know what I'm talking about. I'm an accountant and it's what I do for a living. I'd have to actually inspect his books to determine his net profit percentage, but 10% is not that uncommon for a contracting business.
Second, loving responsible parents do not burden their children with their financial difficulties or involve them in their personal problems, especially not where it concerns their divorce. Your parents divorce had nothing to do with you, it wasn't your fault, and your mom/grandfather should not be making it your problem or concern. Parents should never discuss such matters with children, and it's very wrong to do so, especially since it sounds to me as if she may be taking her bitterness over the divorce, and corresponding reduction in income, out on you. Your father's financial responsibility towards your mother for the payment of child support is legally set by the statutes of the state in which you live in, in accordance with court order, and whatever he may earn otherwise, and what he chooses to do with it is none of their business. If your mother believes she is not receiving the proper amount, because she believes your dad is hiding money from her and the court system, then she should be discussing the matter with an attorney. If her attorney believes she has just cause for her concerns, they can obtain a court order that would require your dad to permit a forensic accountant access to his accounts and records to perform an analysis and render a professional determination or opinion -- YO! Forensic accountant speaking!
Do you know why loving parents do not discuss such matters with their children? Because it screws up their heads! Causes depression, tension, anxiety, and all kinds of negative emotional problems that they shouldn't, and wouldn't, have otherwise! And those emotional problems can leave a permanent scar, and loving parents would not want to inflict such damage on their chidren. I don't think your mom is doing this intentionally. Sometimes divorced parents get too caught up in their own problems to realize the full extent of the effect it's having on their children.
Your father does NOT love his stepson more than you! That's not even a remote possibility. You are his son, his living legacy. You were created from his DNA and his blood flows in your veins. Blood is always thicker than water, and he loves you far more. Please don't think your dad isn't fully aware that if anything ever happened between him and your stepmom, that her son would no longer be his stepson, but no matter what, you will ALWAYS be his son!
If he isn't coming around all that much, more likely it's because of the problems between him and your mother which again, have absolutely nothing to do with you. If he seems closed mouthed and somewhat distant, it's probably because he suspects your mom has been "bad-mouthing" him to you, and he's reacting by taking defensive measures, in an attempt to minimize the damage, to hopefully prevent a permanent rift between the two of you. Instead, he's "biding his time" until you are older, out on your own and away from your mother's influence, at which point he's hoping he will have a better chance at becoming a greater part of your life.
I sincerely hope you will consider approaching your mother, explaining how much this is upsetting you, and ask if she will please not discuss your dad with, or in front of you. Again, I don't think she is doing it intentionally and probably doesn't realize how much of an effect it's having on you emotionally.
I wish you and your family all the best!
First of all, that $300,000? That would be his gross receipts. After he ends up paying for all the expenses involved in completing those projects, along with the overhead of running his business he might only end up netting 10% or $30,000, and that's providing he doesn't run into any unforseen additional expenses that he neglected to include in the contract. And then, out of that remaining $30,000, he has to pay his income taxes and child support to your mom, and everything else. So it's really not as much money as it seems. And yes, I do know what I'm talking about. I'm an accountant and it's what I do for a living. I'd have to actually inspect his books to determine his net profit percentage, but 10% is not that uncommon for a contracting business.
Second, loving responsible parents do not burden their children with their financial difficulties or involve them in their personal problems, especially not where it concerns their divorce. Your parents divorce had nothing to do with you, it wasn't your fault, and your mom/grandfather should not be making it your problem or concern. Parents should never discuss such matters with children, and it's very wrong to do so, especially since it sounds to me as if she may be taking her bitterness over the divorce, and corresponding reduction in income, out on you. Your father's financial responsibility towards your mother for the payment of child support is legally set by the statutes of the state in which you live in, in accordance with court order, and whatever he may earn otherwise, and what he chooses to do with it is none of their business. If your mother believes she is not receiving the proper amount, because she believes your dad is hiding money from her and the court system, then she should be discussing the matter with an attorney. If her attorney believes she has just cause for her concerns, they can obtain a court order that would require your dad to permit a forensic accountant access to his accounts and records to perform an analysis and render a professional determination or opinion -- YO! Forensic accountant speaking!
Do you know why loving parents do not discuss such matters with their children? Because it screws up their heads! Causes depression, tension, anxiety, and all kinds of negative emotional problems that they shouldn't, and wouldn't, have otherwise! And those emotional problems can leave a permanent scar, and loving parents would not want to inflict such damage on their chidren. I don't think your mom is doing this intentionally. Sometimes divorced parents get too caught up in their own problems to realize the full extent of the effect it's having on their children.
Your father does NOT love his stepson more than you! That's not even a remote possibility. You are his son, his living legacy. You were created from his DNA and his blood flows in your veins. Blood is always thicker than water, and he loves you far more. Please don't think your dad isn't fully aware that if anything ever happened between him and your stepmom, that her son would no longer be his stepson, but no matter what, you will ALWAYS be his son!
If he isn't coming around all that much, more likely it's because of the problems between him and your mother which again, have absolutely nothing to do with you. If he seems closed mouthed and somewhat distant, it's probably because he suspects your mom has been "bad-mouthing" him to you, and he's reacting by taking defensive measures, in an attempt to minimize the damage, to hopefully prevent a permanent rift between the two of you. Instead, he's "biding his time" until you are older, out on your own and away from your mother's influence, at which point he's hoping he will have a better chance at becoming a greater part of your life.
I sincerely hope you will consider approaching your mother, explaining how much this is upsetting you, and ask if she will please not discuss your dad with, or in front of you. Again, I don't think she is doing it intentionally and probably doesn't realize how much of an effect it's having on you emotionally.
I wish you and your family all the best!
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