11-27-2012, 01:11 AM
Hello everyone, I was just really wanting someone to talk to about some issues I've been dealing with. I realize that it's not nearly as dramatic or serious as the problems that most people are having, but this is just tearing me apart inside.
Anyways, I've been in a relationship with a girl for the past three years, right now she is 19 and I'm 20. I loved her with all of my heart, but mistakes were made and she broke it off. In the interest of full disclosure, she had four main reoccurring problems with me. 1. I wasn't taking good physical care of myself. 2. I had no job and relied a lot on my parents for income. 3. I didn't have many friends, I am living with one of my best friends, but aside from that she was really my entire social circle, which wasn't fair to her. 4. Every now and then I would be a bit snarky, or something along those lines. Basically, on semi-rare occasions, I was a total jerk. She broke up with me, but I actually took it fairly well, I respected and understood her decision, despite how hard it was on me.
We were broken up for a couple of weeks, and I had really been making some positive changes in my life. I was eating healthier and in the gym everyday, I'd made some new friends, and I was in the process of getting a job. She came over one night and we hung out, and wound up making love and admitting that we still have feelings for each other, so we gave it another shot. This lasted about a week and a half before she said I was smothering her, and she became very cold and distant towards me. So we broke up again.
By this point, I wasn't too badly hurt from the breakup. I'd gotten used to living without her, but that didn't mean that I didn't want her back. Around two and a half weeks ago, I needed to drop something off with her, and we wound up getting lunch together. The sparks were almost visible. We hit it back off again like I never could have imagined, almost instantly falling deeply back in love with each other (in truth though, I'd never stopped). Things have been NOTHING but amazing since then, I'm still getting healthier, I'm the president of an active student organization with a lot of members and close friends, and I actually wound up getting a job as well. Things were perfect, until last night.
This is actually just getting to where my problem is. She was sleeping over at my apartment, and after she fell asleep, she received a text message. I checked it for her, and it wasn't anything remotely bad, just a text from a friend asking about a homework assignment. But curiosity got the better of me. You see, there was a friend of hers, who I thought I got along really well with, who had just been overjoyed when we had broken up originally. This surprised and confused me, so I looked through all of their text conversations to see if I could get a clue about what was going on. (Yes, I realize this was an invasion of privacy on my part. I don't have an excuse beyond the fact that I was only looking for insight into one of her friend's feelings, not trying to snoop on her.)
Through these messages, I discovered information on a relationship she had been developing with another guy a few weeks ago. It was after we had just broken up for the second time, and she was talking to her friend about a "REALLY attractive guy", who shared similar interests with her, and kind of liked her. (I cannot stress enough, she and I were broken up at this time. I had maintained hope that we would get back together, but she was pretty much done with us.) After reading on a bit more, I discovered that they had really been into each other, and had made out at least once. (It just about killed me to type that). Thankfully, they hadn't progressed into a sexual relationship, but she was seriously considering it, and was probably wasn't going to wait much longer until it got there.
Shortly after their encounters was when she and I went out to lunch and instantly fell for each other again. She cut things off with him without hesitation. As I said, she has never once throughout this ordeal done anything that could reasonably be considered as unfaithful. Still, despite my knowing all of this, it didn't lessen the pain knowing that she had shared something that only we'd had with someone else. When I think about it I get a knot in my stomach that just won't go away, I break out with literal shivers, and I panic just thinking about it.
I confronted her about it last night, and we had a reasonable discussion. We've never really "argued" about anything, just tried to work things out in a way that benefits both of us, which flat out arguing almost never does. She explained how she was feeling frustrated and hurt by the troubles that had been going on between us, and I completely understand. She was absolutely, completely justified in doing what she did. Despite all of my feelings, I haven't held any of this against her or blamed her for anything. I'm not mad, upset, or disappointed with her. But that hasn't changed the pain I've felt. Today I literally wrote out a comprehensive list of why I have no right to be upset over this, and that did help me for a little while, but now I'm back in the panicky mode I was last night. I'm tearing myself up inside over how I drove her to doing that after we had had such an amazing relationship.
Something that worries my rational mind is that I absolutely hate the guy that she was with. I've never met him before in my life, and I hope I never have to. Ultimately, he didn't do anything wrong either. He was just starting something up with a girl who was at the time single. But I hate him with every fiber of my being. I will never consider talking to him, I will never consider being friends with him, and I really just wish that he had never existed. Of course, I would never do harm to him, I'm not a psychopath. But if he was on fire and I was the only one nearby, it would take just about all of my will power to muster up the saliva to even spit on him.
Okay, that's basically my story. I'm sorry it's so long, but this all just been boiling up and I feel like I haven't had anyone who I could really talk to about it. If anyone does read it all the way through and can offer me some advice, you would have my endless gratitude. Ultimately, I just want a sympathetic ear to listen. However, I would really appreciate any insight you could give me in regards to whether or not I'm right or justified in feeling this way, or even if it's at all understandable that I do. If you're listening, thank you.
Anyways, I've been in a relationship with a girl for the past three years, right now she is 19 and I'm 20. I loved her with all of my heart, but mistakes were made and she broke it off. In the interest of full disclosure, she had four main reoccurring problems with me. 1. I wasn't taking good physical care of myself. 2. I had no job and relied a lot on my parents for income. 3. I didn't have many friends, I am living with one of my best friends, but aside from that she was really my entire social circle, which wasn't fair to her. 4. Every now and then I would be a bit snarky, or something along those lines. Basically, on semi-rare occasions, I was a total jerk. She broke up with me, but I actually took it fairly well, I respected and understood her decision, despite how hard it was on me.
We were broken up for a couple of weeks, and I had really been making some positive changes in my life. I was eating healthier and in the gym everyday, I'd made some new friends, and I was in the process of getting a job. She came over one night and we hung out, and wound up making love and admitting that we still have feelings for each other, so we gave it another shot. This lasted about a week and a half before she said I was smothering her, and she became very cold and distant towards me. So we broke up again.
By this point, I wasn't too badly hurt from the breakup. I'd gotten used to living without her, but that didn't mean that I didn't want her back. Around two and a half weeks ago, I needed to drop something off with her, and we wound up getting lunch together. The sparks were almost visible. We hit it back off again like I never could have imagined, almost instantly falling deeply back in love with each other (in truth though, I'd never stopped). Things have been NOTHING but amazing since then, I'm still getting healthier, I'm the president of an active student organization with a lot of members and close friends, and I actually wound up getting a job as well. Things were perfect, until last night.
This is actually just getting to where my problem is. She was sleeping over at my apartment, and after she fell asleep, she received a text message. I checked it for her, and it wasn't anything remotely bad, just a text from a friend asking about a homework assignment. But curiosity got the better of me. You see, there was a friend of hers, who I thought I got along really well with, who had just been overjoyed when we had broken up originally. This surprised and confused me, so I looked through all of their text conversations to see if I could get a clue about what was going on. (Yes, I realize this was an invasion of privacy on my part. I don't have an excuse beyond the fact that I was only looking for insight into one of her friend's feelings, not trying to snoop on her.)
Through these messages, I discovered information on a relationship she had been developing with another guy a few weeks ago. It was after we had just broken up for the second time, and she was talking to her friend about a "REALLY attractive guy", who shared similar interests with her, and kind of liked her. (I cannot stress enough, she and I were broken up at this time. I had maintained hope that we would get back together, but she was pretty much done with us.) After reading on a bit more, I discovered that they had really been into each other, and had made out at least once. (It just about killed me to type that). Thankfully, they hadn't progressed into a sexual relationship, but she was seriously considering it, and was probably wasn't going to wait much longer until it got there.
Shortly after their encounters was when she and I went out to lunch and instantly fell for each other again. She cut things off with him without hesitation. As I said, she has never once throughout this ordeal done anything that could reasonably be considered as unfaithful. Still, despite my knowing all of this, it didn't lessen the pain knowing that she had shared something that only we'd had with someone else. When I think about it I get a knot in my stomach that just won't go away, I break out with literal shivers, and I panic just thinking about it.
I confronted her about it last night, and we had a reasonable discussion. We've never really "argued" about anything, just tried to work things out in a way that benefits both of us, which flat out arguing almost never does. She explained how she was feeling frustrated and hurt by the troubles that had been going on between us, and I completely understand. She was absolutely, completely justified in doing what she did. Despite all of my feelings, I haven't held any of this against her or blamed her for anything. I'm not mad, upset, or disappointed with her. But that hasn't changed the pain I've felt. Today I literally wrote out a comprehensive list of why I have no right to be upset over this, and that did help me for a little while, but now I'm back in the panicky mode I was last night. I'm tearing myself up inside over how I drove her to doing that after we had had such an amazing relationship.
Something that worries my rational mind is that I absolutely hate the guy that she was with. I've never met him before in my life, and I hope I never have to. Ultimately, he didn't do anything wrong either. He was just starting something up with a girl who was at the time single. But I hate him with every fiber of my being. I will never consider talking to him, I will never consider being friends with him, and I really just wish that he had never existed. Of course, I would never do harm to him, I'm not a psychopath. But if he was on fire and I was the only one nearby, it would take just about all of my will power to muster up the saliva to even spit on him.
Okay, that's basically my story. I'm sorry it's so long, but this all just been boiling up and I feel like I haven't had anyone who I could really talk to about it. If anyone does read it all the way through and can offer me some advice, you would have my endless gratitude. Ultimately, I just want a sympathetic ear to listen. However, I would really appreciate any insight you could give me in regards to whether or not I'm right or justified in feeling this way, or even if it's at all understandable that I do. If you're listening, thank you.