10-24-2012, 05:14 AM
Hi there,
Don't really expect any help from this post. Guess I just needed somewhere to vent where I thought people might read it and understand.
I'm 28 years old and I run a metal music venue/pub. I used to work with my boyfriend who did the bookings here. We stopped hanging out, started sleeping in separate rooms, and didn't have sex anymore. I'd brought up splitting up with him before when we were arguing, but he threatened to destroy me, by taking away all the gigs, stopping bands playing here and making me the most hated woman in the metal scene. I don't even know why he clung onto it, he wasn't happy in the relationship either. One night I cheated on him (and it wasn't the first time, I'm ashamed to admit. But it was the first time I cheated on someone when I was in a relationship with them) and the next morning, I came back and was barely able to say I wanted to end it, he had to guess it for me, and I just nodded dumbly.
He punched a hole in the wall, and said he was leaving, and taking the bookings with him. Then a couple of hours later he said he was staying, and was going to continue to live here, but if I could respect his feelings by not bringing anyone back for a couple of months. Of course I did that, but every day he was shouting at me when I was working in the office about how terrible I was. I went away that weekend to a festival. While I was away, I found out that he'd had a girl around the whole weekend. Of course I was angry, to me it was very hypocritical for him to be like that, after he'd asked me not to bring anyone back. We argued, (again) needless to say, this was severely affecting my work. We became friends for a little while after that particular argument, I asked him to respect my feelings also, and he said he wouldn't bring anyone back either.
Then a couple of days later, he did it again. I was furious, and asked him to move out, as he clearly couldn't control himself while he was living here. He came into the office and started smashing up the desk with a chair, and punched a hole in the wall, and told me how I was an evil vindictive person and he would make sure that everyone would know what a horrible person I was. It was a little bit worse than that, he was nearly spitting in my face, he was so angry. He said he would never move out, and he would take me down if I tried to make him. Or something along those lines. I was so angry, upset and trapped, I felt completely backed into a corner, and partly because I really did feel that way and had a history of that, and partly because I was hoping it would make him leave, I cut myself in front of him and threatened to commit suicide. I want to point out now, that I'm completely ashamed of my behaviour. It was emotional blackmail and a complete low point in my life. But I feel it's necessary to say the bad things that I did, otherwise it's not an accurate account of the story. I locked myself in the bathroom and he broke down the door, hurting himself in the process. It was the worst possible time for both of us, and brought out the worst in us.
We both lived with the rest of the staff, and eventually, we had a staff meeting and we all decided it would be a good idea if he moved out for a couple of months while things cooled down, but continue to work here. (It was mainly an online computer job anyway) A couple of days later he threatened me with legal action for unlawful dismissal, unless I signed a contract that gave him rights to live and work there. I tried to explain to him that I myself didn't have a right to live there (it was a managed house, and my contract stated I could be evicted without notice) and any contract he wanted signed, would have to be signed by the company, not me, to make it valid. I was stunned, and that same day I said it was impossible for us to live and work together and I didn't want him working there anymore.
After that, things really went to town, he posted a thread on facebook, about the evil, vindictive bitch who made him move out, and about 100 people who I thought were my friends and would rationally see that there are actually two sides to every story, publicly condemned me.
He took away the PA, and got his friends to take away the drumkit, and took away all the bookings as well, moving them to a music venue down the road. The lowest point was seeing the stage stripped of everything. At that point I really did contemplate suicide. And might have done if there weren't people with me. I managed to get a new PA and a new drumkit for the venue, and find someone to do the bookings and promotions and things were starting to look up.
However, I was still drinking a lot. Getting drunk every day to cope with the fact I was still getting a lot of online abuse, from people I didn't even know now. I lost all my friends, apart from a couple, who lost a lot of theirs just by being friends with me. One of my past best friends, actually came up to me in a bar and said she hoped I choked on my own vomit and died. And a lot of people quite simply ignored me in public and pretended they didn't know me. 4 months down the line, he's still actively trying to take gigs away from the venue, badmouthing the venue to a lot of bands, and still talking a lot of crap to people that were my friends that he didn't even like, but trying to take them away anyway. He really did make me the most hated woman in the metal scene. A lot of my current friends are very much caught up in their own lives, and I have no one to talk to anymore. I feel very much alone, and constantly think about suicide now. I just don't feel like I deserved to be this hated.
I get abuse from the regulars I barred years ago, who follow me down the street and shout "You're a freakin slag" at me, and push me around to prove the point that I can't do anything about it now, there isn't a bloke living upstairs.
I still drink a lot, and I still feel completely alone. Work is a giant mess, and I struggle to cope with it. There's no one I can really talk to, and very few people care. To top it off, I had an argument with my mother and we've pretty much disowned each other. I took the high road, and didn't tell anyone but close friends my side of the story, and said incredibly little about what happened personally online. I didn't want to get into a slanging match involving loads of people, because I was personally ashamed of the things I did as well. I feel hopeless and alone. The only thing stopping me from committing suicide is my cat. All I have to do is give her away and then I can.
Don't really expect any help from this post. Guess I just needed somewhere to vent where I thought people might read it and understand.
I'm 28 years old and I run a metal music venue/pub. I used to work with my boyfriend who did the bookings here. We stopped hanging out, started sleeping in separate rooms, and didn't have sex anymore. I'd brought up splitting up with him before when we were arguing, but he threatened to destroy me, by taking away all the gigs, stopping bands playing here and making me the most hated woman in the metal scene. I don't even know why he clung onto it, he wasn't happy in the relationship either. One night I cheated on him (and it wasn't the first time, I'm ashamed to admit. But it was the first time I cheated on someone when I was in a relationship with them) and the next morning, I came back and was barely able to say I wanted to end it, he had to guess it for me, and I just nodded dumbly.
He punched a hole in the wall, and said he was leaving, and taking the bookings with him. Then a couple of hours later he said he was staying, and was going to continue to live here, but if I could respect his feelings by not bringing anyone back for a couple of months. Of course I did that, but every day he was shouting at me when I was working in the office about how terrible I was. I went away that weekend to a festival. While I was away, I found out that he'd had a girl around the whole weekend. Of course I was angry, to me it was very hypocritical for him to be like that, after he'd asked me not to bring anyone back. We argued, (again) needless to say, this was severely affecting my work. We became friends for a little while after that particular argument, I asked him to respect my feelings also, and he said he wouldn't bring anyone back either.
Then a couple of days later, he did it again. I was furious, and asked him to move out, as he clearly couldn't control himself while he was living here. He came into the office and started smashing up the desk with a chair, and punched a hole in the wall, and told me how I was an evil vindictive person and he would make sure that everyone would know what a horrible person I was. It was a little bit worse than that, he was nearly spitting in my face, he was so angry. He said he would never move out, and he would take me down if I tried to make him. Or something along those lines. I was so angry, upset and trapped, I felt completely backed into a corner, and partly because I really did feel that way and had a history of that, and partly because I was hoping it would make him leave, I cut myself in front of him and threatened to commit suicide. I want to point out now, that I'm completely ashamed of my behaviour. It was emotional blackmail and a complete low point in my life. But I feel it's necessary to say the bad things that I did, otherwise it's not an accurate account of the story. I locked myself in the bathroom and he broke down the door, hurting himself in the process. It was the worst possible time for both of us, and brought out the worst in us.
We both lived with the rest of the staff, and eventually, we had a staff meeting and we all decided it would be a good idea if he moved out for a couple of months while things cooled down, but continue to work here. (It was mainly an online computer job anyway) A couple of days later he threatened me with legal action for unlawful dismissal, unless I signed a contract that gave him rights to live and work there. I tried to explain to him that I myself didn't have a right to live there (it was a managed house, and my contract stated I could be evicted without notice) and any contract he wanted signed, would have to be signed by the company, not me, to make it valid. I was stunned, and that same day I said it was impossible for us to live and work together and I didn't want him working there anymore.
After that, things really went to town, he posted a thread on facebook, about the evil, vindictive bitch who made him move out, and about 100 people who I thought were my friends and would rationally see that there are actually two sides to every story, publicly condemned me.
He took away the PA, and got his friends to take away the drumkit, and took away all the bookings as well, moving them to a music venue down the road. The lowest point was seeing the stage stripped of everything. At that point I really did contemplate suicide. And might have done if there weren't people with me. I managed to get a new PA and a new drumkit for the venue, and find someone to do the bookings and promotions and things were starting to look up.
However, I was still drinking a lot. Getting drunk every day to cope with the fact I was still getting a lot of online abuse, from people I didn't even know now. I lost all my friends, apart from a couple, who lost a lot of theirs just by being friends with me. One of my past best friends, actually came up to me in a bar and said she hoped I choked on my own vomit and died. And a lot of people quite simply ignored me in public and pretended they didn't know me. 4 months down the line, he's still actively trying to take gigs away from the venue, badmouthing the venue to a lot of bands, and still talking a lot of crap to people that were my friends that he didn't even like, but trying to take them away anyway. He really did make me the most hated woman in the metal scene. A lot of my current friends are very much caught up in their own lives, and I have no one to talk to anymore. I feel very much alone, and constantly think about suicide now. I just don't feel like I deserved to be this hated.
I get abuse from the regulars I barred years ago, who follow me down the street and shout "You're a freakin slag" at me, and push me around to prove the point that I can't do anything about it now, there isn't a bloke living upstairs.
I still drink a lot, and I still feel completely alone. Work is a giant mess, and I struggle to cope with it. There's no one I can really talk to, and very few people care. To top it off, I had an argument with my mother and we've pretty much disowned each other. I took the high road, and didn't tell anyone but close friends my side of the story, and said incredibly little about what happened personally online. I didn't want to get into a slanging match involving loads of people, because I was personally ashamed of the things I did as well. I feel hopeless and alone. The only thing stopping me from committing suicide is my cat. All I have to do is give her away and then I can.