07-30-2012, 08:38 PM
Hey guys.
I am 18 currently and, well, I have a problem. Though I probably shouldn't just dump my entire life story here, I still feel like I need to get this off my chest, and maybe get some help.
For as long as I can remember now, I have felt, in a word, stuck. Albeit, I have made some progression in life and matured a great deal, I feel that has leveled off for about a year now.
Everyone around me is experiencing some level of tangible, real success. College, jobs, relationships, things are falling into place with them. I wish I could be happy for them, and it pains me so to feel this way, but now all I regard them with is a kind of envy.
I did a poor to middling job in school, be it bad organization, or just a sense of helplessness when faced with my problems (IQ of 120 and all my worksheets came back with more wrong-markings than white space, haha), and my folks aren't exactly the richest of folks. Combine that and my apparent inability to get a job, and I really don't see how college is happening any time soon.
In a nutshell, I'm trapped in a house with parents who guilt me about going to hang out with friends to the point where I'm avoiding social outings. I'd ask for money to get a license, and they seem willing, but my dad went so far as to get pissed for the fifty bucks needed for the ACT, so it still pains me to confront them about things. If I'm to embark on a college education, it would be basically a gamble with thousands of dollars in money not belonging to me.
My folks have poked a hole in every job that would have worked perfectly for me, and yet they INSIST I'm not trying to find a job.
My friends are really the only up-side to what I'm going through lately, and when they leave for college, I really don't know what I'm going to do. My parents are about as emotionally supportive as a drill sergeant on roid rage unless I'm having an apparent panic attack (seriously, my f---ing childhood), if they so much as see that I'm trying to do this on the internet, they'll likely flip a s--t about "SHARING TOO MUCH", and they pretty much shoot down my desires for friendship ("what do you want a butt buddy or something?") They've shot down, or at least vehemently protested every college I wanted to go to. Granted, they've tried to help me, but d----t, I can't deal with their constantly being pissed and communicating NOTHING to me. I've barely spoken to them about my problems for years now.
I mean, s--t, for years there have been episodes where I've been so sad it physically hurts. I'm so stressed I feel like doing something drastic. There are people I know who are addicted to psychotropics and still getting along better than me.
I mean, what can I even do anymore? I feel out of options. As dramatic as that sounds, I just can't find a way to advance in life anymore. I'm stuck.
I mean, I want talent.
I want some way for my life to get MOVING without my parents' money or help. I want to get out of this house, and away from them already. I skipped out on the 'rebellious teen phase', only to be just as strapped down as I was when I was in junior high.
I want a job, a career, something to LOOK FORWARD TO. I mean, I feel like my life's hit a dead end. My friends are literally keeping me going at this point (heaven forbid I should tell them that, though)
So I dunno, if you guys had some advice, or just a shoulder for me to have my selfpity weeps on, I'd appreciate it.
I am 18 currently and, well, I have a problem. Though I probably shouldn't just dump my entire life story here, I still feel like I need to get this off my chest, and maybe get some help.
For as long as I can remember now, I have felt, in a word, stuck. Albeit, I have made some progression in life and matured a great deal, I feel that has leveled off for about a year now.
Everyone around me is experiencing some level of tangible, real success. College, jobs, relationships, things are falling into place with them. I wish I could be happy for them, and it pains me so to feel this way, but now all I regard them with is a kind of envy.
I did a poor to middling job in school, be it bad organization, or just a sense of helplessness when faced with my problems (IQ of 120 and all my worksheets came back with more wrong-markings than white space, haha), and my folks aren't exactly the richest of folks. Combine that and my apparent inability to get a job, and I really don't see how college is happening any time soon.
In a nutshell, I'm trapped in a house with parents who guilt me about going to hang out with friends to the point where I'm avoiding social outings. I'd ask for money to get a license, and they seem willing, but my dad went so far as to get pissed for the fifty bucks needed for the ACT, so it still pains me to confront them about things. If I'm to embark on a college education, it would be basically a gamble with thousands of dollars in money not belonging to me.
My folks have poked a hole in every job that would have worked perfectly for me, and yet they INSIST I'm not trying to find a job.
My friends are really the only up-side to what I'm going through lately, and when they leave for college, I really don't know what I'm going to do. My parents are about as emotionally supportive as a drill sergeant on roid rage unless I'm having an apparent panic attack (seriously, my f---ing childhood), if they so much as see that I'm trying to do this on the internet, they'll likely flip a s--t about "SHARING TOO MUCH", and they pretty much shoot down my desires for friendship ("what do you want a butt buddy or something?") They've shot down, or at least vehemently protested every college I wanted to go to. Granted, they've tried to help me, but d----t, I can't deal with their constantly being pissed and communicating NOTHING to me. I've barely spoken to them about my problems for years now.
I mean, s--t, for years there have been episodes where I've been so sad it physically hurts. I'm so stressed I feel like doing something drastic. There are people I know who are addicted to psychotropics and still getting along better than me.
I mean, what can I even do anymore? I feel out of options. As dramatic as that sounds, I just can't find a way to advance in life anymore. I'm stuck.
I mean, I want talent.
I want some way for my life to get MOVING without my parents' money or help. I want to get out of this house, and away from them already. I skipped out on the 'rebellious teen phase', only to be just as strapped down as I was when I was in junior high.
I want a job, a career, something to LOOK FORWARD TO. I mean, I feel like my life's hit a dead end. My friends are literally keeping me going at this point (heaven forbid I should tell them that, though)
So I dunno, if you guys had some advice, or just a shoulder for me to have my selfpity weeps on, I'd appreciate it.