I need to change my life.

[Two]

I'm really sorry that you feel this way about yourself. Weight shouldn't matter but If you really think It's an Issue, do something about It. Start going to the local gym or even just run the block every morning. It does sound like love, I know the feeling. If you don't want to lose her change your ways or forever be miserable. Stop the smoking, It's a bad, pointless habit, aswell as a major waste of money. I smoked for 5 years and managed to quit without any help.

Good luck.