11-02-2009, 03:13 AM
Here is what she sent to me, she's looking for some help, emotionally dealing with this situation.
Here goes,
Well being me isn't all good, to be really honest.
I get really bullied at school to the point where i can't take it anymore. i wouldn't say i'm a weak person but sometimes people think i'm strong emotionally but inside my heart hurts and screams out in pain mostly.
I used to get pushed about at school and once i got beaten up, and that day all my confidence got battered to the floor, And when you didn't really have much to start with, kind of hurts more, everytime i walk into school now, i'm always paranoid and thinking about what other people think. i know i shouldn't but i just can't help it ,
How i feel in myself.
I would say i'm quite a happy person full of smiles and laughter. but after that i become on a mega downer and then for about a couple of weeks i feel like total crap. and all my past comes flooding back to me, tears build up and my life feels like it's coming to an end.
I've been so upset sometimes were i have no other way but to self harm.. and the scars are what i have to wake up to every morning regretting them and regretting what has happened.
Maybe this is all because i don't have the strength.I do stand up to the bullies and try to ignore them but they always find a way to get back to me and battle my confidence down again,I'm most likely to be alone in my bedroom, in pitch black thinking about the future and thinking about school and the person i am. And asking the question to myself. ''Whats wrong with me, am i this bad?'
When i become on a downer i try and avoid friends and family they'll start asking questions and then probably start thinking things and i don't have the strength to explain and open up to them. i think they'll shout and then i think my mum will think she's failed at looking after me, or something like that, My family is the best! but life isn't treating me right, i hope one day the bullies see how much they've hurt not just me but the other people that have their abuse, I'm the suffer in silence type i keep closed up, never open up to family only really opened up to the people like my friends that have the same problems, The reason i don't tell family is because i'm scared i'll hurt them and put even more pressure on their shoulders,Sometimes i cry alone, because i feel useless and a fail to life, I'm such a sad excuse for a teenager.And i wish i could just end this all quicker the better Or i wish they're ways around these feelings,I do hope i can move on without feeling the need to end my life,And hurting myself to release the anger and unhappyness, i love the people around me, but i don't think i deserve them as they're the most greatest people anyone could ever have, Maybe they're only staying friends with me because they feel sorry.. I love them like they're family too, they've helped me through by giving me confidence and help me building me back up
I normally draw pictures or write poetry to express my true self or my feelings, i write alot of poetry or stories,It's like talking to someone without getting a reply..You just let your feelings run wild, i do draw drastic pictures to show my mood, Some depressed scenes and some really bright and bold. I just hope this'll all give up and stop and the bullies at school would too, I don't think i'll ever stop getting bullied,
It's getting hard to pretend to be happy and smile all the time when inside i feel totally different it's like i'm living a lie, i feel like i have to lie to everybody to make them happy and make them not worry, if anyone found out about how i felt, i probably wouldn't feel the same in myself. i'd think everyone would think i'm always like it and they'd treat me differently My school teachers have noticed when they read my poems that somethings up, they try and ask me but the same old answer comes out my mouth ''I'm Fine thanks.'' Which i wish i could dump somewhere and use the real answer and tell them how i really feel and how i really hurt and how much pain i feel everynight after school. I make excuses to not go into school which i know shows weakness but i can't take it going in everyday knowing they'll strike again and make my day hell, I know they'll do it, ..x.
Someone..
Theres one person in particular that i love very much,And all he does is listen to me, through thick and thin..And good times and bad. He's been there for me and i owe him. He's the best people would dream and wish for! he's helped me through alot these days! and i'm very greatful. but sometimes i feel like i can't open up to him. as he's one of the most important people in my life, i don't want to put pressure on him like i've done in the past, i know it's kind of selfish, and i'm sorry..But i need someone to talk to , and he's always here for me. He's always made me smile when i don't feel like it, and made me laugh when i feel like crying. He's the type of person that'd help you through anything. And i'll always be here for him, as i do try and help him through his rough times..<3 x
x(L)x
Here goes,
Well being me isn't all good, to be really honest.
I get really bullied at school to the point where i can't take it anymore. i wouldn't say i'm a weak person but sometimes people think i'm strong emotionally but inside my heart hurts and screams out in pain mostly.
I used to get pushed about at school and once i got beaten up, and that day all my confidence got battered to the floor, And when you didn't really have much to start with, kind of hurts more, everytime i walk into school now, i'm always paranoid and thinking about what other people think. i know i shouldn't but i just can't help it ,
How i feel in myself.
I would say i'm quite a happy person full of smiles and laughter. but after that i become on a mega downer and then for about a couple of weeks i feel like total crap. and all my past comes flooding back to me, tears build up and my life feels like it's coming to an end.
I've been so upset sometimes were i have no other way but to self harm.. and the scars are what i have to wake up to every morning regretting them and regretting what has happened.
Maybe this is all because i don't have the strength.I do stand up to the bullies and try to ignore them but they always find a way to get back to me and battle my confidence down again,I'm most likely to be alone in my bedroom, in pitch black thinking about the future and thinking about school and the person i am. And asking the question to myself. ''Whats wrong with me, am i this bad?'
When i become on a downer i try and avoid friends and family they'll start asking questions and then probably start thinking things and i don't have the strength to explain and open up to them. i think they'll shout and then i think my mum will think she's failed at looking after me, or something like that, My family is the best! but life isn't treating me right, i hope one day the bullies see how much they've hurt not just me but the other people that have their abuse, I'm the suffer in silence type i keep closed up, never open up to family only really opened up to the people like my friends that have the same problems, The reason i don't tell family is because i'm scared i'll hurt them and put even more pressure on their shoulders,Sometimes i cry alone, because i feel useless and a fail to life, I'm such a sad excuse for a teenager.And i wish i could just end this all quicker the better Or i wish they're ways around these feelings,I do hope i can move on without feeling the need to end my life,And hurting myself to release the anger and unhappyness, i love the people around me, but i don't think i deserve them as they're the most greatest people anyone could ever have, Maybe they're only staying friends with me because they feel sorry.. I love them like they're family too, they've helped me through by giving me confidence and help me building me back up
I normally draw pictures or write poetry to express my true self or my feelings, i write alot of poetry or stories,It's like talking to someone without getting a reply..You just let your feelings run wild, i do draw drastic pictures to show my mood, Some depressed scenes and some really bright and bold. I just hope this'll all give up and stop and the bullies at school would too, I don't think i'll ever stop getting bullied,
It's getting hard to pretend to be happy and smile all the time when inside i feel totally different it's like i'm living a lie, i feel like i have to lie to everybody to make them happy and make them not worry, if anyone found out about how i felt, i probably wouldn't feel the same in myself. i'd think everyone would think i'm always like it and they'd treat me differently My school teachers have noticed when they read my poems that somethings up, they try and ask me but the same old answer comes out my mouth ''I'm Fine thanks.'' Which i wish i could dump somewhere and use the real answer and tell them how i really feel and how i really hurt and how much pain i feel everynight after school. I make excuses to not go into school which i know shows weakness but i can't take it going in everyday knowing they'll strike again and make my day hell, I know they'll do it, ..x.
Someone..
Theres one person in particular that i love very much,And all he does is listen to me, through thick and thin..And good times and bad. He's been there for me and i owe him. He's the best people would dream and wish for! he's helped me through alot these days! and i'm very greatful. but sometimes i feel like i can't open up to him. as he's one of the most important people in my life, i don't want to put pressure on him like i've done in the past, i know it's kind of selfish, and i'm sorry..But i need someone to talk to , and he's always here for me. He's always made me smile when i don't feel like it, and made me laugh when i feel like crying. He's the type of person that'd help you through anything. And i'll always be here for him, as i do try and help him through his rough times..<3 x
x(L)x
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