07-11-2011, 09:47 AM
I'm just writing this to get my thoughts out in text.
My mind is my worst enemy. I think too much, and it feels like I'm disconnected from reality whenever I'm outside. I'm in my head way too much, just thinking way too much. It's a burden, because that interferes with socialization and other things. I'm not bad at socializing, per say, but I'm always in my mind and never take the opportunities. Where do you go when your mind is your worst enemy? I strain to always better myself mentally. The more I learn about the world, the more I feel like offing myself. I constantly try to maintain my sanity and a perfect persona when on the inside of my mind It's like I'm having WW3 in it. I have nasty, nasty thoughts. But then again, is knowing too much a bad thing? My only problem is knowing too much and being self-aware. Whenever I look at a tree, I don't think about "Ahh, how beautiful is that?" I think "Paper is made from trees, there's lots of forests and tons of different types of trees" I basically think about every freakin aspect of the tree instead of simply seeing it as a beautiful thing. The worst part is dreaming. Oh man. It just unlocks pandora's box and unleashes all of the crap I wish I had and have desired for, and teases me with it. I wake up sometimes and smash my head into the wall because of this. I feel my sanity slipping away second by second. I hate everyone in the modern world, but at the same time I'm searching for something beautiful. Did you ever reach that point when you realized you're nothing in this world and you're not significant? You're not special and a God doesn't have some special plan for you? You see people who don't deserve to be in power, in power. You see injustice all around you, and people who don't deserve it rising to fame, glory, and wealth. You thought your life was a movie with happy beginning to ending, but it's just a piece of crap vicious cycle of natural selection and injustice. You realize that the movies you've watched as a kid have tricked you into believing that "everything will turn out alright".
My mind is my worst enemy. I think too much, and it feels like I'm disconnected from reality whenever I'm outside. I'm in my head way too much, just thinking way too much. It's a burden, because that interferes with socialization and other things. I'm not bad at socializing, per say, but I'm always in my mind and never take the opportunities. Where do you go when your mind is your worst enemy? I strain to always better myself mentally. The more I learn about the world, the more I feel like offing myself. I constantly try to maintain my sanity and a perfect persona when on the inside of my mind It's like I'm having WW3 in it. I have nasty, nasty thoughts. But then again, is knowing too much a bad thing? My only problem is knowing too much and being self-aware. Whenever I look at a tree, I don't think about "Ahh, how beautiful is that?" I think "Paper is made from trees, there's lots of forests and tons of different types of trees" I basically think about every freakin aspect of the tree instead of simply seeing it as a beautiful thing. The worst part is dreaming. Oh man. It just unlocks pandora's box and unleashes all of the crap I wish I had and have desired for, and teases me with it. I wake up sometimes and smash my head into the wall because of this. I feel my sanity slipping away second by second. I hate everyone in the modern world, but at the same time I'm searching for something beautiful. Did you ever reach that point when you realized you're nothing in this world and you're not significant? You're not special and a God doesn't have some special plan for you? You see people who don't deserve to be in power, in power. You see injustice all around you, and people who don't deserve it rising to fame, glory, and wealth. You thought your life was a movie with happy beginning to ending, but it's just a piece of crap vicious cycle of natural selection and injustice. You realize that the movies you've watched as a kid have tricked you into believing that "everything will turn out alright".