04-08-2011, 05:59 PM
Hi Monique, nice to see you hanging in there. It gets easier over time as long as you keep this up. I want to add that the way he played you from the start, by disrepecting your views and values and trying to change your way of thinking to suit him, rather than wait until it was right for you, only shows how the 'relationship' would have continued had you pursued anything with him. So I think a key to this at the outset, before you get too emotionally involved, is to think, this is how he is now, what will he be like then maybe weeks, months, years down the line etc? And then imagine yourself in the role he is casting you in - do you want to be that person, that person who loses her self-identity, confidence etc to suit his whims? I think the answer is always going to be 'no'. It's a huge red flag really. The best thing you can always do is keep your own self-respect by staying true to what you believe in. Let him find someone who shares his values if he's not willing to treat you with the respect you deserve or wait for it. Any good man who values your worth knows that in time, his turn will come, and there are plenty worthy men out there, so you just need to be patient.
Incidently, I've since found another thread you posted previously before this one. I am concerned about your current situation with your ex-partner turned friend, and wonder if perhaps you are caught in something which is both so familiar and comfortable to you that you don't want to change it, while yet leaving you struggling with unmet needs. Perhaps this is why you find yourself in this situation with this new guy, perhaps the atttraction you felt for him was the allure of fulfilling those unmet needs (perhaps unbeknown to you)? If I were you, I would look to separate myself cleanly from your current living situation, at least for a period of time, and see if that doesn't reset the priorities you and your ex-partner have towards each other. If this doesn't work, you need to move on and start a whole new independent life for yourself I think, so that your identity is no longer entertwined with your ex's. I feel this may be holding you back from what you really *need* deep down. Perhaps, by staying with your ex, you are even holding out for second-best still in the hope it will once again become the best again. A good deep and honest reality check with yourself is probably needed if this is the case. Sorry, if my comments are out of place, out of date, or I've misunderstood (it's late!) I just wanted to relay my thoughts in case they may strike a chord with you.
Well, good luck with moving forward!
Susan
Incidently, I've since found another thread you posted previously before this one. I am concerned about your current situation with your ex-partner turned friend, and wonder if perhaps you are caught in something which is both so familiar and comfortable to you that you don't want to change it, while yet leaving you struggling with unmet needs. Perhaps this is why you find yourself in this situation with this new guy, perhaps the atttraction you felt for him was the allure of fulfilling those unmet needs (perhaps unbeknown to you)? If I were you, I would look to separate myself cleanly from your current living situation, at least for a period of time, and see if that doesn't reset the priorities you and your ex-partner have towards each other. If this doesn't work, you need to move on and start a whole new independent life for yourself I think, so that your identity is no longer entertwined with your ex's. I feel this may be holding you back from what you really *need* deep down. Perhaps, by staying with your ex, you are even holding out for second-best still in the hope it will once again become the best again. A good deep and honest reality check with yourself is probably needed if this is the case. Sorry, if my comments are out of place, out of date, or I've misunderstood (it's late!) I just wanted to relay my thoughts in case they may strike a chord with you.
Well, good luck with moving forward!
Susan