Does my life really sucks this much?

[Gerira]

Well, I feel depressed for a while now. On and off, I'm happy for couple of days, then unexpectedly I get depressed for a lot of reasons. I used to have friends, I used to go out Saturdays night. Now, I don't have friends anymore. It just sucks, coming home from school and waiting to go to sleep. Actually, I sleep a lot. Just not to feel like crap, I can't take that crap sometimes. In my class, people are friends with each other. They go out together, they go to coffee before/after school, talk together. I always felt like an outcast, and still, I'm feeling like one. Like everyone avoid me for some reason. I don't go anywhere. If there was no school, I wouldn't probably even talk with people. My home situation sucks even more. Mom and dad are fighting alot, sister and a brother are going trough puberty, I share a room with them so you can just guess how fudged up it is for me.


Most of the time I feel so lonely. Every now and then I have this suicidal thoughts. I don't cut myself or anything, that's just too fudged up. Ohh, btw I'm 17 and a half, I never had a girlfriend, never kissed one or anything. I don't know what's the problem, maybe I'm just too fudged up or something...

I just want to get out of this depression an anxiety, get some self-confidence, stop using anti-depressants (I use them every now and then, just to take the edge off), make friends... have a normal life for a change. This past 17 years sucked hard for me.

Thanks for reading this crap, there's more but I don't want to write it atm. Please, can you give me a suggestion how to fix this crap of life of mine? No therapy and crap like that please...