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#5
(03-23-2011, 09:04 PM)Eve Wrote: There seems to be many aspects described in the poem: there is you, a friend, a girl, school, field, home and a contrast between outdoors and indoors. Because of this the poem is very crowded, and if you didn't explain your situation I would not have understood it. So you could focus on fewer aspects for a poem of this length, or lengthen the poem to accommodate the many aspects.

I like the first two lines because it represents your preferred style of playing with syllables and spelling.

6.5/10.

Hmmm, thanks for the feedback. I'll try to improve.
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Messages In This Thread
Support Forums - by fuck_prohibition - 03-22-2011, 12:18 PM
RE: My forth poem. - by Calx - 03-22-2011, 12:59 PM
RE: My forth poem. - by fuck_prohibition - 03-22-2011, 01:10 PM
RE: My forth poem. - by Eve - 03-23-2011, 09:04 PM
RE: My forth poem. - by fuck_prohibition - 03-24-2011, 03:27 AM
RE: My forth poem. - by Eve - 03-24-2011, 06:23 AM
RE: My forth poem. - by Spafic - 03-24-2011, 11:39 PM
RE: My forth poem. - by Levi - 03-24-2011, 11:39 PM
RE: My forth poem. - by ImFocuzz - 03-25-2011, 02:48 AM
RE: My forth poem. - by Fresh Prince - 04-05-2011, 09:26 PM
RE: My forth poem. - by Justin - 04-05-2011, 09:27 PM
RE: My forth poem. - by Delicious - 04-05-2011, 10:33 PM

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