03-24-2011, 03:27 AM
(03-23-2011, 09:04 PM)Eve Wrote: There seems to be many aspects described in the poem: there is you, a friend, a girl, school, field, home and a contrast between outdoors and indoors. Because of this the poem is very crowded, and if you didn't explain your situation I would not have understood it. So you could focus on fewer aspects for a poem of this length, or lengthen the poem to accommodate the many aspects.
I like the first two lines because it represents your preferred style of playing with syllables and spelling.
6.5/10.
Hmmm, thanks for the feedback. I'll try to improve.