Hard time showing emotion.

[Untouch]

I find myself terrible with chicks because of this, for example they say a joke to "break the ice" and i just stare at them and say funny. I try to fake laugh but it comes across really creepy-ish.

You need to learn to interact with other people. Why don't you say a joke or start a conversation with something you find interesting.
You can try to learn to fake laugh well just keep practising it.

My mother has MS and lives in a nursing home I see her rarely

Sorry to here that, that really is unfortunate.

I talk to people and have friends, but they never invite me to do anything.

Why don't you invite people to do something rather than waiting for someone to invite you?
If they don't invite you ask them.

I also find the only way I can talk to people is over IM or Webcam (possible because this makes me feel "safe" I don't know).

You should get out of the habit with this or you will have no social skills at all. Get out and talk to people, doesn't matter what the subject is just get used to talking and listening to others.