02-09-2011, 01:38 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-09-2011, 01:40 AM by [Insanity].)
I've become so lonely and depressed lately.. i don't even know why.
My uncle was chilling over at my place tonight. Right when he left, i just got really lonely. I have no one to talk to..
Now, I'm just sitting here randomly crying. It's not even cause he left, I just really need to talk to someone. I've been feeling slightly suicidal lately..However, I'm not one to kill myself ( i hope ).
I want a therapist, but they're expensive.
Age: 14
Just to throw this out there, I always get the "you're so handsome" stuff...but it's never from girls my age, you know? So i still feel insecure..I'm too scared to ask girls out. Like..i've never had a girlfriend once in my life. I want one. I want someone to spend time with. Someone to kiss and hug. I don't even want sex. I don't want to have sex 'til i get married...
And it's like...i'm such a freakin nerd.
I'm in 10th grade taking pre calculus, honors lit, honors history, honors chem, and C++ programming..
Now, it doesn't have to be this way, but i've found myself having to help people with their homework (well, more like DO IT for them), in order for them to talk to me..
People say I always look nervous when I walk down the street..i don't know why, it's probably because i feel so uncomfortable walking alone and not having anyone to talk to). I just switched from a different school and i used to walk with friends every day after school. I don't know how to conduct myself without someone next to me, talking.. So yeah, offtopic,but now I'm crying again..Every time i think of my problems and think of having to tell them to a therapist, they overwhelm me again and I cry more..
Me having to do other's homework is kinda alright..I mean. I'd much rather be doing my own studies, but i want to talk to someone. And just my luck, my school has like individual cubicles in rows.. I'm in a row with about 20 desks and only 3 of them have people in them. Other rows are full. Like I said, I'm so freakin lonely.
When i go home, i have like 70 people online on facebook, but i don't really talk to ANY of them..only my family. i hate when my family isn't online. when i check and none of them are on, i want to cry again. i'm getting really sick of being alive, tbh.
Also, people say i always look depressed..I just start daydreaming. I'm becoming more and more distant from this world..Not to brag ( I HATE BRAGGING..i hate even telling people this) But I'm really smart. I got an intelligence test and I'm a genius..But lately, I've become so distant from this world..and so ..almost slow. I can't understand it. For example, this morning, i was at the bus/train station. I had my ticket and i was just like staring at the machine. i was totally out of it. I came back to my senses when some lady behind me rudely said something like ," ARE YOU GOING TO GO!?" She said it with the snobbiest voice ever too. I didn't even turn around or say anything, either. I just put my ticket in and almost ran off..
Please.Please. I'm begging you guys. I want to live..
I was talking on the internet to someone. He said people like me, being extremely intelligent and antisocial/socially unaccepted, end up being billionaires and very powerful people..
The problem is. I don't want that. I really don't. I hate money. I hate evil. I hate all the things money has caused to happen in this world.... I cry when i see injustice. I can't stand history class, it makes me sick to see the cruel things that have taken place..
Please...help.
My uncle was chilling over at my place tonight. Right when he left, i just got really lonely. I have no one to talk to..
Now, I'm just sitting here randomly crying. It's not even cause he left, I just really need to talk to someone. I've been feeling slightly suicidal lately..However, I'm not one to kill myself ( i hope ).
I want a therapist, but they're expensive.
Age: 14
Just to throw this out there, I always get the "you're so handsome" stuff...but it's never from girls my age, you know? So i still feel insecure..I'm too scared to ask girls out. Like..i've never had a girlfriend once in my life. I want one. I want someone to spend time with. Someone to kiss and hug. I don't even want sex. I don't want to have sex 'til i get married...
And it's like...i'm such a freakin nerd.
I'm in 10th grade taking pre calculus, honors lit, honors history, honors chem, and C++ programming..
Now, it doesn't have to be this way, but i've found myself having to help people with their homework (well, more like DO IT for them), in order for them to talk to me..
People say I always look nervous when I walk down the street..i don't know why, it's probably because i feel so uncomfortable walking alone and not having anyone to talk to). I just switched from a different school and i used to walk with friends every day after school. I don't know how to conduct myself without someone next to me, talking.. So yeah, offtopic,but now I'm crying again..Every time i think of my problems and think of having to tell them to a therapist, they overwhelm me again and I cry more..
Me having to do other's homework is kinda alright..I mean. I'd much rather be doing my own studies, but i want to talk to someone. And just my luck, my school has like individual cubicles in rows.. I'm in a row with about 20 desks and only 3 of them have people in them. Other rows are full. Like I said, I'm so freakin lonely.
When i go home, i have like 70 people online on facebook, but i don't really talk to ANY of them..only my family. i hate when my family isn't online. when i check and none of them are on, i want to cry again. i'm getting really sick of being alive, tbh.
Also, people say i always look depressed..I just start daydreaming. I'm becoming more and more distant from this world..Not to brag ( I HATE BRAGGING..i hate even telling people this) But I'm really smart. I got an intelligence test and I'm a genius..But lately, I've become so distant from this world..and so ..almost slow. I can't understand it. For example, this morning, i was at the bus/train station. I had my ticket and i was just like staring at the machine. i was totally out of it. I came back to my senses when some lady behind me rudely said something like ," ARE YOU GOING TO GO!?" She said it with the snobbiest voice ever too. I didn't even turn around or say anything, either. I just put my ticket in and almost ran off..
Please.Please. I'm begging you guys. I want to live..
I was talking on the internet to someone. He said people like me, being extremely intelligent and antisocial/socially unaccepted, end up being billionaires and very powerful people..
The problem is. I don't want that. I really don't. I hate money. I hate evil. I hate all the things money has caused to happen in this world.... I cry when i see injustice. I can't stand history class, it makes me sick to see the cruel things that have taken place..
Please...help.