My grandmother is ill

[Solidify]

First off, I'd do your best to keep your mother away from your grandmother. Your mother can get arrested for abusing her just the same as if your grandmother was a child. What else irks me is how you didn't step in to protect your grandmother, knowing she has no idea what's going on around her, no real grasp on reality anymore. Were you more inclined to protect yourself from your mother's rage? You could have intervened and made your mother realize that what she was doing was WRONG, and to be honest, I would have decked my mother flat out for doing that to my grandmother - stress or not, that's no excuse to abuse someone. Regardless if she was going to explode on you - much healthier less frail person, she was hurting your emotionally traumatized grandmother. Limit the time your mother has, even if that means asking someone else or a good friend to come sit with your grandmother in the basement while you're at your own life obligations. Keep them separated as much as you can, and this will help your mother to not feel like she needs to physically punish someone who can't even help their own actions anymore. Since your grandmother is more childlike, offer her simpler tasks like coloring things or playing with some really sturdy child toys so she avoids breaking things in the house. Make a room in the house where she can do this, there is only one exit and someone can monitor her easily by just walking by or using a baby monitor. Put lots of things in there that will keep her entertained so she doesn't feel the need to mess with other objects in the house, and if her attention slips from one object and she wanders from the room, try to get her attention with something else. I'm not saying keep her prisoner in this room, but it's for keeping her away from your mother who will continue to hit her and yell at her due to stress..
Maybe, take her to a park for a good walk and let her get out of the house herself -with someone with her - rather than it being a punishment like your mother made it out to be. She is NOT an animal. She needs to be loved and taken care of even if she's a pain in your family's ass. In the above posts, you mention talking to her. She's childlike now, remember, so keep the conversation short and simple. Use your hands to keep her attention and even if it seems like she's not listening, she probably is. You have to be extremely patient with her now.

From experience, your grandmother has reverted to protect her mind, and possibly coupled with some memory loss like you've mentioned. She was probably dealing with some memory issues before hand but this situation just made it much worse. You mention you've been to see multiple doctors. Have you explained everything to them and not left anything out? Sometimes, this helps them to get a better grasp on what's going on and often times leads to a better diagnosis. I don't see any signs of PTSD as signs of this are nightmares, flashbacks, panic disorder/anxiety disorder, the list goes on. The only one I could see making this a legit case of PTSD is maybe the forgetting the event but that could also be due to the memory degrading. I'd call a person that specializes in PTSD and talk with them, tell them everything and see what they tell you. Also speak with someone that specializes with memory loss and Alzheimers; she seems to have many symptoms of this. Your problems right now is to get professional help in ruling out what's going on with her, and regular doctors won't cut it in this department. Even take the video in, and show these professionals or recommend that they watch it or even take your grandmother to see them face to face. Your mother gave up, but you don't have to.

You also mentioned having someone come in and talk to her? I suggest trying this again after you rule out what's going on so they can target the areas that need to be targeted rather than poking around in the dark. Her memory comes and goes or she forgets in general and her activities are sheerly based on the fact that she can't remember things about her daily life? This would explain the listlessness. Just remember she doesn't mean to break things, or act this way, her mind is just getting away from her. If anything I feel sorry for her and I wish to do anything in my power to help her, even if I don't know her or your family.

I hope this helps you at all, and if you need anymore help in finding decent numbers of people to call or just to talk about it more, please PM me and I'll help anyway I can. And PLEASE keep her away from your mother. I don't know your mother from Eve, but she seems unable to handle the stress of your grandmother and unless you want your grandmother severely hurt then separate them. I can't stress that enough.

I have two sisters and believe me, we've confronted my mother about this quite bluntly. My mother knows its wrong and that we don't enjoy seeing her abuse take place but the fact of the matter is that no matter how much we try to separate my mother and grandmother, they're always spending the most time together. I go to school, work and when I'm not, I stay home with my grandmother. Sure, what we all chip in for my mother is helpful but it's as if it never happened as soon as they're left alone again, my mother just sighs when my grandmother walks into the room. If my mother is on the phone, my grandmother will approach her asking completely irrelevant questions. At that point, my mom sort of shrugs her out of the kitchen and tells her to go watch her shows.

Don't get me wrong, my sisters and I do the best we can, but there's a point that we can't do anymore when we're not home. My mother doesn't work because she has to stay home and take care of my grandmother but she's still collecting pay, thank god.

Your information was great and I appreciate you taking the time to offer all of your resources to help me with my issue given the fact that you don't even know me or my family for that matter.

Let's say I'd try to setup a room where my grandmother can go about with her own business, what would you recommend I put in there, more specifically? I'm almost positive that she'd just walk out and even so, it would only be a temporary fix. I mean, how long could we keep this up? While I know that I might be seeking a permanent fix to a situation that is still indefinite, which is damn near impossible, I'd just like to see my mother not stressed anymore and hopefully have my grandmother regain a certain sense of awareness. Up to this point, I was fairly objective with how I reported anything to SF but after your letter, I feel the need to confess that it feels as though my grandmother's psychological state has worsened due to how my mother treats and neglects her and deprives her of attention.

My mother is not a bad person, she's just lost in translation and doesn't know how to deal with this. My father lives with his girlfriends so she's stuck taking care of all three of us and my grandmother. We all try to help out around the house, doing chores when we get the chance but like I mentioned earlier, it all goes to crap as soon as she's required to spend a day with my grandmother.

I truly believe that the only way this could work for the best for both my mother and grandma is if we find her a care home to reside in. I know my mother and she's not one to give up. That's just the problem. All that endless effort is going to end up somewhere and I just don't want it to hurt anyone.

As for consulting doctors, my grandmother is already taking prescribed medication. After your letter, I decided to look at her dosage in an effort to see if any among you would be able to tell me more about her prognosis from what she's required to take. My mom's on the phone in the kitchen at the moment so I can't but be sure to update you about the medication. Back to the doctorate help, I'm not too familiar how I should go about this. I mean, I really don't know who I should report everything I know to? A psychologist, a therapist, a doctor, etc. A little help would be appreciate in that area as I don't want to spend half an hour to an hour spilling beans about my personal issues to someone who really isn't adequately trained to give me helpful advice. Secondly, another thing holding me back is the fear that if I tell whomever needs to know everything, won't my mother get in trouble for her actions?

For the longest time, I've said to myself: "Well my mother's got this under control since she's bringing her to the doctor once in a while and medicating her, so I shouldn't have to worry." But now I really see that this isn't helping. For some reason, it feels either as if my mom is just caring for my grandmother with no hope of her getting better, almost like she knows there's no silver lining for my grandmother and she's not taking further initiative to seek more help for her. Well, like you said, 'just because she's given up, doesn't mean I need to'. Although, I doubt it's easy for mother to pursue what I'm about to, I don't want to ram it down her throat because I know what she's been through, not that I feel it, but I'm aware of what she's had to take in throughout the recent years. That is why, I'm going to do so myself.