11-03-2010, 09:53 AM
I just posted this on HF and was told to try here, This is a copy and paste of message I posted
The Following post is sort of long, but explains a lot. If you are to respond keep in mind this is rather serious. Trolls, Flamers, and HF prepubescent children stay out of this.
No Flamers
No Trolls
No people lacking common sense and reasoning on a higher maturity level of that of a 12 year old Halo 3 'Tea Bagger'
Spoiler added so the disclaimer will be paid attention to.
I am 16 and am very smart, but lack overall motivation for mundane tasks (In school I failed 10th grade because I wouldn't do the work. However made A's on every test taken). I am not a bad kid, but I act out a lot... Actually I am composed of oxymorons
Let me start by saying my problem is am I really just freakin up? or is it other problems leading to me going in wrong directions.
At the beginning of October I was finally admitted to Bradley Medical Center (Child and adolescent mental health facility) for a week where I came out a different person. I started accepting not always arguing and fighting so damn hard to be right. That winning petty arguments while pissing those people off is only alienating myself. So I talked to my mom and we were going to establish a new relationship because since I can remember (About 10) she had been pill popping (to deal with the stress of my fathers first deployment in '03), excessive drinking (runs in both sides of the family and drug abuse in my mother's side), and running from real responsibility.
We discussed issues I realized such as: very serious deep depression, isolation issues, problems with being lonely, and having father issues (Him being army was often deployed between 9-13. Then being an instructor to new officers in OCS he was often not home or asleep or drunk. I've slowly come to terms with the fact he just isnt a fatherly type to talk to and get advice from me is use to giving or taking orders not being friends.. That is what I always wanted with him. My joke is always my mom gave me 'The Talk' at 13 way to late while he was asleep in the next room. The other joke is she bought me my first box of condoms and razors clearly not a job for my mother.)
After talking for a long time I was brainwashed to being told that my 14 year old girlfriend of 6 months was only causing me trouble with the possibilities of Stat Rape. So I left her, yet I we are getting back together today officially because I truly claim love for her (I don't use this word freely and do in fact know lust from love. Also use to be a 'player' but realized I can't do it after finding that i do have a heart). So for a month I did everything perfect. No arguing, if i was asked to do something i did it, i did my school work and homework with extra work. I radically changed. Then one day i realized why? Ive missed 21 days I cannot get credits for this year, Why leave Sarah? I love her and she is the only one that is always there for me. Why listen to my mother when she gives me no freedom, respect or initiative to her own changes she desperately needs.
So after acting a little bit on my own and doing bad, but still with school 100% I enjoyed it was talking to all sorta girls again. I thought my life was perfect and I finally found balance till one night my mum bitched me out for coming home high (I am an Avid user of cannabis
), from then on all I heard day in and out was I was the same kid. Then I got jumped at school and didnt fight back against these two punks for her because if I did it was automatic YDC. So then since i had on a black hoodie my NaNa bought me for christmas I was a gang member (quick story short a marshal son got jumped in so his dad brought gang task force into my school where they hastle anyone white that isnt wearing boat shoes and hollister). My mom took my side because a witness changed his statement from one that matched mine word for word to one that he wasnt sure then he was friends he knew the people and i started it all. So i got 3 days OSS plus 3 day weekend.
After that she wasnt mad but added to the your the same person argument she kept at. So I snapped left whenever with whoever started sellin again, started bangin again, whatever the fudge I wanted and now she asks why and bitches and everything, She does not listen to me when i tell her about how i tried and part of this is her fault. She tells me I am still not accepting responsibility for my own actions. Yet her and my dad are in divorce right now or going through it so he is slowly cutting us down on money to the point where i barely have internet, no more direct TV, no more snacks and luxeries that we once had. The thought is she should get a job not just occasional money to buy more vodka and cigarettes and for her to lay around all day and do nothing at all.
So my thing is that I changed radically and she never even got a job. She has yet to even attempt and we are in a city of fortune for job seekers right now. Yet she also let me get my own job, I cant drop out although I cannot recieve credits and just get my GED and join on my 17th like I wanted to. She puts me on money lockdown where I havent even gotten new clothes in two years, Ive had the same tv (18 inch standard box), anytime i talk about selling my own stuff she says no, if i ask to use our 1terrabyte server she tells me no... ALTHOUGH ITS UNUSED! If she dosnt want a job that is fine but let me establish an extra income so I have food in my house, so i can watch tv, so i can have my phone back.
I just dont know what to do anymore have I gone back to the old me? yes
Are the resons justified or just me not wanting responsibility?
Is she needing change? Is it just me at fault?
If anyone reads to this point thank you I just want help. I have no friends on my level of thought and comprehension, and the one that is I am sure dosn't want drama in his life. I have no adults and any school faculty tells me whatever she does is her right but is it morally to demand things of others when we ourselves cannot do it? The problem of America lies within that statement... I just have no one competent in my life and Sarah is the one good thing and I barely get to see her... Long story but her parents hate me for a lot of crap and because I am her first serious relationship (as she is mine). I hope someone out there has thought on all this and not someone that is.... Idk... None of you can do anything but I need a third party opinion to say yes im fudged up or yes your situation is fudged.
The Following post is sort of long, but explains a lot. If you are to respond keep in mind this is rather serious. Trolls, Flamers, and HF prepubescent children stay out of this.
No Flamers
No Trolls
No people lacking common sense and reasoning on a higher maturity level of that of a 12 year old Halo 3 'Tea Bagger'
Spoiler added so the disclaimer will be paid attention to.
Spoiler (Click to View)
I am 16 and am very smart, but lack overall motivation for mundane tasks (In school I failed 10th grade because I wouldn't do the work. However made A's on every test taken). I am not a bad kid, but I act out a lot... Actually I am composed of oxymorons
Let me start by saying my problem is am I really just freakin up? or is it other problems leading to me going in wrong directions.
At the beginning of October I was finally admitted to Bradley Medical Center (Child and adolescent mental health facility) for a week where I came out a different person. I started accepting not always arguing and fighting so damn hard to be right. That winning petty arguments while pissing those people off is only alienating myself. So I talked to my mom and we were going to establish a new relationship because since I can remember (About 10) she had been pill popping (to deal with the stress of my fathers first deployment in '03), excessive drinking (runs in both sides of the family and drug abuse in my mother's side), and running from real responsibility.
We discussed issues I realized such as: very serious deep depression, isolation issues, problems with being lonely, and having father issues (Him being army was often deployed between 9-13. Then being an instructor to new officers in OCS he was often not home or asleep or drunk. I've slowly come to terms with the fact he just isnt a fatherly type to talk to and get advice from me is use to giving or taking orders not being friends.. That is what I always wanted with him. My joke is always my mom gave me 'The Talk' at 13 way to late while he was asleep in the next room. The other joke is she bought me my first box of condoms and razors clearly not a job for my mother.)
After talking for a long time I was brainwashed to being told that my 14 year old girlfriend of 6 months was only causing me trouble with the possibilities of Stat Rape. So I left her, yet I we are getting back together today officially because I truly claim love for her (I don't use this word freely and do in fact know lust from love. Also use to be a 'player' but realized I can't do it after finding that i do have a heart). So for a month I did everything perfect. No arguing, if i was asked to do something i did it, i did my school work and homework with extra work. I radically changed. Then one day i realized why? Ive missed 21 days I cannot get credits for this year, Why leave Sarah? I love her and she is the only one that is always there for me. Why listen to my mother when she gives me no freedom, respect or initiative to her own changes she desperately needs.
So after acting a little bit on my own and doing bad, but still with school 100% I enjoyed it was talking to all sorta girls again. I thought my life was perfect and I finally found balance till one night my mum bitched me out for coming home high (I am an Avid user of cannabis
), from then on all I heard day in and out was I was the same kid. Then I got jumped at school and didnt fight back against these two punks for her because if I did it was automatic YDC. So then since i had on a black hoodie my NaNa bought me for christmas I was a gang member (quick story short a marshal son got jumped in so his dad brought gang task force into my school where they hastle anyone white that isnt wearing boat shoes and hollister). My mom took my side because a witness changed his statement from one that matched mine word for word to one that he wasnt sure then he was friends he knew the people and i started it all. So i got 3 days OSS plus 3 day weekend.After that she wasnt mad but added to the your the same person argument she kept at. So I snapped left whenever with whoever started sellin again, started bangin again, whatever the fudge I wanted and now she asks why and bitches and everything, She does not listen to me when i tell her about how i tried and part of this is her fault. She tells me I am still not accepting responsibility for my own actions. Yet her and my dad are in divorce right now or going through it so he is slowly cutting us down on money to the point where i barely have internet, no more direct TV, no more snacks and luxeries that we once had. The thought is she should get a job not just occasional money to buy more vodka and cigarettes and for her to lay around all day and do nothing at all.
So my thing is that I changed radically and she never even got a job. She has yet to even attempt and we are in a city of fortune for job seekers right now. Yet she also let me get my own job, I cant drop out although I cannot recieve credits and just get my GED and join on my 17th like I wanted to. She puts me on money lockdown where I havent even gotten new clothes in two years, Ive had the same tv (18 inch standard box), anytime i talk about selling my own stuff she says no, if i ask to use our 1terrabyte server she tells me no... ALTHOUGH ITS UNUSED! If she dosnt want a job that is fine but let me establish an extra income so I have food in my house, so i can watch tv, so i can have my phone back.
I just dont know what to do anymore have I gone back to the old me? yes
Are the resons justified or just me not wanting responsibility?
Is she needing change? Is it just me at fault?
If anyone reads to this point thank you I just want help. I have no friends on my level of thought and comprehension, and the one that is I am sure dosn't want drama in his life. I have no adults and any school faculty tells me whatever she does is her right but is it morally to demand things of others when we ourselves cannot do it? The problem of America lies within that statement... I just have no one competent in my life and Sarah is the one good thing and I barely get to see her... Long story but her parents hate me for a lot of crap and because I am her first serious relationship (as she is mine). I hope someone out there has thought on all this and not someone that is.... Idk... None of you can do anything but I need a third party opinion to say yes im fudged up or yes your situation is fudged.